Feeling resentful with my fiancé and soon to be step children!
I met my fiancé almost 4 years ago. He has 4 children, and 2 ex wives. I have 1 daughter, and I've been divorced from her father for 6 years. When we first blended our families we encountered the usual problems. It seemed like anytime I wanted to correct something or address an issue with his children, mine was then targeted for anything she does wrong even if it was months ago. (This was talk amongst us, not to the kids, but me bringing to his attention a problem.) I did like a lot of SM do, allowed their Father to put me in the role of all day chef, cleaner, mediator...I pretty much allowed myself to mold into something I was not happy with, and I thought I was just overwhelmed because I was accustomed to taking care of 1. It got really bad, I found myself dreading my weekends! I would feel nauseated days before they were coming, and anxiety as soon as I heard their voice getting out of the car! My poor kid suffers, because it's her weekend too and it becomes all about trying to keep up with everything with no quality time for her. The problem is there is no structure, when I enforce structure my fiancé looks at that as me pointing them out and being trivial. He gets so defensive. My child is the only one that helps me she's 10. What I hate is the twins pee on the wall, shower curtain, wipe boogers on the wall, wiped poop once on the wall and their 5! The do not talk only scream. I treat them with respect and love them, but as I do my own child want them to learn right from wrong, and help them grow into independent happy kids. Then we have his son that is 12 and has a major attitude 90% of the time he told me once, hey eggs now because I didn't have breakfast made!!! same with his daughter but that's typically from her bio-mom minipulating her, and always interrogating her. The twins and 8yr old daughter has the same mom. She is bipolar and refuses to take medicine. She told her kids that if a dog licks you on the face you'll get warts all over. Then she googled pictures of kids with warts all over their faces!!!!! My fiance will hardly confront her on anything, because he hates confrontation! :/. So with all that said I went to counseling, and the counselor said "no wonder your overwhelmed you've allowed them to dictate your whole day full of waiting on them!" I established chores, and some healthy boundaries told my fiancé he said "your daughter better be doing these still when my kids aren't here!!"