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I love my stepdaughter with a all my heart but

Enfelo's picture

I'm a 65 years old widow with two adult step kids that I love like my two bio. Kids. I got into there lives when the boy was 22 and the girl 17.
I had a fare relationship with them right from the beginning . They lived with us. The boy until he got married (3 years later). And the girl until a year after her mom died, she lived with me. The relationship with her never got pass fare , even though I did for her what a father would. I never pretended to be one.I always tried to be more like a friend.
Now my dilemma is if should break ties wit her or not. She is out of the country, work related and the communication is very minimal and indifferent from her part.like she does not interested in having a relationship with me. The way I perceive it, is more like a moral obligation she has. The only way of communication is by texting. Five lines or so and halve of it is occupied by the words “I have to go now have nice day”
Love this girl like my own and she know it, I tell her exactly that every opportunity I have.Is obviousI need from her more that she can give me, which is fine and accept the fact that she doesn't have to have feelings for me. I came into her life by accident and late in her life.
My problem is I feel so hurt and heart broken every time I talk to her. I'm stress to the point that affect my life. I had talk to her in many occasion about it.Her answer is that I have to accept the way she is and doesn't want to cut ties and get very upset.
Now I think my health comes first and I'm welling to cut ties with her she like is or not.
I excuse my self for the way I express my self but English is not my first language.
I would appreciate any comment.

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

I have a step sister and brother and now that my step dad is gone (passed about 8 years ago) I think my mom feels the same way sometimes. She'll make little comments about how she hasn't heard from step sis or brother in months, she dropped off a gift for step brother at Christmas time and he never thanked her etc.

I honestly don't think it's anything personal, I think it's just the way some adults roll. I can honestly say, I love my dad dearly, but he lives on the other side of the country and I rarely contact him except for Christmas, Bday and Father's day. It's nothing personal, it's just how I am. I don't even call my own mother who lives 15 minutes away unless I have something to tell her, I'm not into idle chitchat with ANYONE, just how I am.

I'd let this go. I honestly don't think it's anything personal, I think she's just a busy adult who is not trying to hurt you, or make you feel uncared about.. she's just living her life.

Enfelo's picture

Thank you for your in put. It sound a little selfish not to be at least grateful for what people had done for you and how much they love you. In my personal experience more than y I loved my parents i was grateful for What they did for us. So if your parent feel like I do I would tell you that you have no idea how It hurts. Your parents can be gone tomorrow and what are you do then. Just be sorry.

Enfelo's picture

Sorry for the mistake. Yes I'm a father. She is 30 years old two weeks ago. Her father died three years into my relationship with her mother so when she was twenty. My relationship with my stepson is excellent. I don't have any complains.
With my stepdaughter was different she came to me only when she needed something. I was supportive, financially , emotionally. I was her driver for parties. Consoler. I was there for anything she neeed. I'm not asking for retribution. I would keep on doing it. Is just that my love for her what makes me hurt.