What do you guys think about this scenerio?
I was reading posts on reddit, and came across a post titled "Ex-husband newly “rich” and treating his stepdaughter to different luxuries than our daughter." The post has since been deleted, so i cannot read the whole thing anymore, but what I remember from it was this:
BM recieves child support from exH and hasn't went back to get it adjusted since his income went up
BM can barely afford to pay bills currently
new Wife is a teacher and makes her own money (don't know if she receives child support for her child
Both kids are in middle school and have some of the same classes, ages basically the same
exH is assumed to be the one buying the SD expensive name brand clothes, purses, etc. (but it might actually be new wife)
I feel bad for the daughter in this situation, because she is being treated differently than the SD in this situation. But I also feel like exH shouldn't have to buy his own kid these expensive brands just because the SD is getting them (it is unclear who is actually buying them).
I also know how much CS payments can be... when my SO was dealing with court, he would have had to pay $1600 a month if BM would have gotten custody. This would have left him not being able to afford to live in the current apartment, let alone ever buy a house. That $1600 is more than double what he currently pays for his own kids while living with him. exH probably feels like he already pays her more than enough for the BD necessities + extras. It is not his fault that BM doesn't make enough to afford raising a kid on her own.
It could also be that exH and new wife had been struggling, with new wife taking over a larger chunk of the bills than she would have if no CS had to be paid. Maybe now that the exH has an icrease, she can finally spend her own money on some luxuries for her own child.
So what do you guys think?
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I would also wonder if this
I would also wonder if this is a delusional BM who has different ideas of being 'rich'. I have found that wealth is often perceived. If I have a dollar for every time we heard 'you can afford it' I would actually be rich!
Also - name brands, etc can be misunderstood. I know my bios have nice things but a. I am a savvy shopper b. Their BD buys high end items c. My family gives a lot of hand me downs.
Could also just be a HCBM PAS'ing the kid and needlessly causing trouble over nothing.
Pfffft. BM can suck it. She
Pfffft. BM can suck it. She has no way of knowing WHO is spending that money. Why is it impossible to believe that the SM has her own money??
There were times when my DH was so broke, he would have been eating Ramen noodles if I had not paid for groceries. DH and I have always had separate accounts. IF I want to spend money on the skids (and I spent plenty), it was MY choice to make. I bought things for the SSs because they came EOWe. I did NOT spend the same amount of money on the SDs (who only came when they wanted something) and I sure as he!! did not spend money on BioHo's youngest kid ('Ho had Spawn after she and DH split).
BM receives child support
BM receives child support from exH and hasn't went back to get it adjusted since his income went up
Then, I guess it's up to the BM to try to have CS modified. Otherwise, it's really none of her business what bio dad is doing with his money. Not to mention, she doesn't even know if he's the one buying his SD this stuff.
Life isn't fair. ExH has a
Life isn't fair. ExH has a new wife and she has a job and nobody knows the WHOLE story, maybe she also has a trust fund or an inheritance or won the lottery or a million other scenarios. What she spends on her child is her business and her husband should not have to match with his child from another relationship.
I will freely admit that my BS8 gets way more than skids ever did, but we're not comparing apples to apples. DH probably actually spends LESS on BS8 than he did/does on skids and CS, but because I have a good job, make good money and have no debt, my money combined with what DH provides is more than enough to pay for karate lessons, 4 wheeler, tablets, nice clothes, shoes, trips etc. It's not my fault that BMs have no education, have dead end jobs or no jobs, and can't manage their money to safe their life. Because DH and I were able to purchase a very nice home on 23 acres does that mean that DH should give BM enough money to do the same?? If our family goes to Cancun does that mean that DH should give BM enough money to do the same?
Again, life isn't fair, the sooner kids learn this the better. Even BS8 will say things sometimes like "how come cousin has a cell phone and I don't?" "How come we can't have a camper, my friend does!" And I always turn into my mother and say "If cousin, friend, whoever was jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge, does that mean that you do to??"
My exH had a BD who was only
My exH had a BD who was only 3 weeks younger than my BD, and I had another BD a few years younger, none together. We had custody of all three of them. exH said it wasn't fair that my kids got more than his daughter on holidays and birthdays because their dad gave them gifts and his BM didn't so he wanted us to make up for the difference. If my kids got new shoes from their dad, exH would go buy his daughter new shoes, whether she needed them or not. It was a constant fight in our house, and a big reason why he is an ex. LOL
You know what I find
You know what I find ridiculous about all of this?? I have a step brother and sister. I lived with my mom and step dad 100%, my step dad's kids came every weekend and on breaks. I NEVER recall asking, knowing or caring about what my step brother or sister had at their BM's and don't ever recall THEM asking or caring about why I had something or did something that they didn't. Most kids would not care of even notice or would just think.. hmmm that's the way it is. It's adults that make this stuff a big deal.
BM should mind her own
BM should mind her own business!
If exH got a raise, she should stop whining and go back to court to have CS adjusted. exH has to pay court ordered CS, not maintain a standard of living for an ex wife comparative to his life or his new household. BM scraping by is her business. Would she hand over cash to exH if his new household was the one barely making ends meet?
So what if SD gets more? She has a mother who has an income of her own. If the new wife wants to buy nice things for her own child or if exH wants to buy things for the girl it is really not BMs business, especially if exH is meeting his CS obligations to his own daughter.
I had this and it drove me insane. BM who was supposed to pay IPOD-H CS (and never did) complaining that he didnt give her money!! My son (and SS) in my household was getting more than adult SD who lived with BM. I work and that is why the kids HAVE more. I dont spend my day at the bottom of a gin glass and rage against how unfair things are.
Its been said above: Life isn't fair. This woman should really just zip it and get on with her life.
Status
I didn't read all the responses, but it sounds like the BM is an envious brand whore. Who cares what brand of purse or jeans or whatever people are wearing? We make very good money, and we mostly shop at garage sales and goodwill. It's fun. We wear whatever we want. And I've never had a better wardrobe, I get complimented constantly on my appearance. What brand am I wearing? Don't know, don't care. We brag to people about all the bargains we get. Our tribe are all genuine, nice people. They have no idea how much money we make. They would hate brand-whore I-paid-so-much-for-this narcissists.