Oh no! DH is trotting out his "non-parenting" parenting style on our two BDs
Save me now! BD8 has been "sneaking" extra food onto her account at school. It's not too hard to figure out, given her account balance depletes much more rapidly than BD5's AND the school will give us a detailed accounting of how the money was spent.
Well, BD8 was already warned about this once and told she was NOT to get ANY extras unless one of her two parents told her that day that she could. Apparently (according to BD8) her dad tells her she can get extras when I have scolded her for some reason. :jawdrop:
So, he and I both talk to her together. DH does the stupid "talk to her" thing he used to do with SD19, which consists of reiterating what he ALREADY told her once before. So I'm standing there rolling my eyes and I say very sternly to BD8: You're lucky DH is here because you and I both know you have already been told all of this and you know what you're doing is wrong. Am I correct? BD8 just nods her head.
Grrr... Seriously, the kid already got her warning and talking to, she disobeyed the rules, and now she just gets another talking to? I'm about to take matters into my own hands at this point. I sure as hell hope this isn't how he plans to "parent" our two BDs until they are out of the house, because they will run ALL OVER him as teenagers.
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Thanks. But it is DH who is
Thanks. But it is DH who is going to be sorry if this how he plans to parent. I will leave him in the dust and just handle things myself, seeing as these are my own two BDs and I will be "allowed" to discipline them.
This is another reason I
This is another reason I stopped putting money on SD15's lunch account. She was buying drinks, breakfast, buying her friends food and said I wasn't giving her enough money. I don't think she realizes I can see what she buys, what time she buys it at and if she deposits her own money into the account. Since I stopped giving her money she still manages to buy things. Where does the money come from???
Yeah you need to take matters into your own hands. He won't do anything about it.
Grrr. My BS12 does this at
Grrr. My BS12 does this at school too. I finally just stopped putting money on his account and now he has to make his own lunch at home every night. I can't believe the school lunch program just lets a middle school aged kid decide what they're going to eat for lunch every day. I asked the school if I could restrict his account and they said NO. He was eating nachos and drinking pop every day.
As a teacher, I saw this a
As a teacher, I saw this a lot. What I suggested to parents that seemed to effective was putting enough on the lunch account to have one meal daily, and don't give them more than that. Most schools have a point at which students can no longer "charge"... the schools I've been in, they could not charge more than 3 meals. If the student reaches that, s/he has to bring lunch from home, or go hungry. Realize that public schools cannot deny a child lunch... if they don't have money, they have to at least give them something to eat... and most schools give sandwiches to kids who reach that point. And, even if they skip lunch, unless the child is medically frail, missing one meal will not do permanent damage.
If the school doesn't have a no charge policy, you could just give them one meal's worth of cash every morning... that would be a pain, and goodbyenormajean's plan sounds better!
Good idea. Unfortunately, our
Good idea. Unfortunately, our system is set up so that the minimum you can add is $20, and the kids can't bring cash. I want BD8 to learn to eat healthy. Ice cream and chips are a once in a while treat, not to be eaten every day in lieu of more nutritional items. If I pack her lunch and there's something in there she doesn't like, she throws it in the trash, so I'm fighting the battle on two fronts.
My post was more about DH not facing this situation head on either. He used to always tiptoe around SD19 when she behaved badly. Damned if I'll have him doing that with our two BDs so they can turn out to be unrepentant sociopaths like Sd19!
Yep, him not being willing to
Yep, him not being willing to take the bull by the horns is the bigger concern. But, you are their mother, so you have a lot more power than you did as as SM for SD19. You will do what is best in the long run for your kids.
ugh!!! i hate it when they do
ugh!!! i hate it when they do that.
one time sd10 was a true nightmare...dh took her outside. she came back looked straight at me as said, "he didn't do anything" all snooty!
i wanted to SLAP.THAT.CHILD!!!
i told dh that he needs to have consequences with her because she's not the type that getting lectured to is going to make a big impression! it would have been enough for him and is usually enough for sd8 but he needs to learn it will take more with sd10.
Luckily my kids school
Luckily my kids school (elementary) has two types of accounts... One for the standard lunch and one for the extras. I can load the standard lunch account and they get the balanced meal only. I give them both the same amount of extra money in the a la carte account, and when its gone, tough crap. SD blows through a semesters worth of extras in about two weeks. SS will run out before the end, but he makes it like 3/4 of the way.
If I couldn't seperate out the money, then they be making pbj sandwiches every day.
Good option! Maybe with an
Good option! Maybe with an opportunity for redemption.... no money, packed lunch for a month, then allow for money in the account and let them show they've learned the lesson.
That's what we're doing now.
That's what we're doing now. My BS12 was warned once. He ran out of lunch money after a week, when it should have lasted him 2 weeks. I found out from SS13 that BS was getting a 20oz pop and a plate of nachos every day for lunch from the "extras" menu. At their school, the money all goes into the account and they can basically spend it on anything, including at the school store, which sells Mentos and gum and water bottles...all kinds of junky stuff.
I asked the school if I could restrict the account so he could only get the mainstream lunch. They said I could not do that. What he eats is between me and him. So I warned him, and he just kept doing it.
He has to pack his own lunch from home according to the food pyramid for the rest of the year. I then check over the lunch and make sure he's got his basics covered like I would for a much younger kid, since he's obviously not trustworthy. Makes me sad it's come to this. He used to tell me everything, and now it seems to be all about what he can get by with.