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Much is revealed, but nothing changes

Elizabeth's picture

DH and I got in an argument last night about, surprise surprise, SD nearly 21.

It wasn't even the direct topic of conversation but as soon as I brought up her name in reference to something else, DH pounced.

Over the course of our fight, here is what he revealed last night:
-- Admitted to paying more than his one-third share of SD's college costs
-- Admitted that the money we have been putting away since she was born up until she turned 18 is nearly gone
-- Admitted he wants her to stay in the dorms, and on the meal plan (she is in her third year of college), because it is "safer"
-- The ONLY reason DH told SD to move out of the dorms is because of the pressure I have put on him

None of the money for SD's college is coming from our personal accounts, but from ages 8 to 18 DH and I were married and had a joint account, so a great deal of SD's college money came from me. And yet I have no say in how it is spent. DH says I shouldn't have a problem as long as the money is there. I said there is no point in wasting money that could be better spent elsewhere. If you can get the same product for $45 or $25, why wouldn't you pick $25?!

SD20 is in a mid-level state school, getting a 2.0 GPA and taking the minimum number of classes, so it will take her five years to graduate. Calculating what it has cost so far, SD's college is going to cost $45,000. This compares with a co-worker of mine who graduated four years ago from a higher-level, more expensive school and her college only cost $25,000. And yet DH sees no problem with this.

DH says we agree to disagree, which means he gets to continue doing whatever he wants and I get to continue to seethe at not being included but being expected to finance this debacle.

Comments

Jsmom's picture

Holy crap, my kid has a full tuition scholarship and I am still paying 6K a semester.

My thought has always been with your SD, is she is not pulling her own weight and getting the grades, so she should be living at home and going to community college.

Elizabeth's picture

It IS a bit of a thorn in my side that SD goes to college in the same town where both BM and BM's mom live, it is not a large town, living with either of them would only give her a five-minute commute to college but she won't do it because it would cramp her lifestyle. So we are paying nearly $1000 a month so SD can drink and do drugs and sleep with random guys. Yay!

Elizabeth's picture

Exactly. SD is going to graduate with a 2.0 GPA from a not particularly reputable school and a spotty job history (I don't know of any job she has kept for longer than six months). This is not exactly going to LAUNCH her into a great career that pays well. I anticipate her continuing to do the minimum, graduating with absolutely no distinction, struggling to find a job in her field and eventually moving in with and mooching off of some guy, making absolutely no use of her expensive college education.

Elizabeth's picture

Problem is, her dad doesn't care what type of student she is as long as she gets that diploma. He's even paid for classes where she's gotten D grades and had to retake them.