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Any happiness with DH is gone...

doormat333's picture

It's extremely difficult, as many of you know, to be portrayed as the bad seed within a family you married into. I don't know why it bothers me as much as it does, but I have had so much negative slander told behind my back from the SK's and mother-in-law. These adult SK's have major issues from growing up in such a lack of a supportive environment, which I understand, but why must I become their new scapegoat to project all of their issues on? Why can't these kids, who are above legal age, and legally adults, take matters into their own hands, and get therapy...something?
My husband gets very defensive if I talk about how much I am hurting, from the total lack of respect shown by his kids. I'm apparently not supposed to have feelings. He's done a crappy job of stepping up and talking to his children, firmly, that their behaviour is not okay. I think if he had done something from the very beginning to let them know, their disrespect towards me would not be tolerated, we wouldn't be in such a mess and split up as a family.
I don't understand how I could go from being on a pedestal from him in the first few years, then becoming the source of everyone's screwed up neurosis. Why would a husband, who is supposed to be the love of your life, not do everything and anything in his power, to stand up for his wife? I have never stopped giving and giving my all to him, yet I receive the opposite treatment. I believe he has fed into his kid's BS and truly blames me for having a split family, even though I tried my damndest to blend this family for the first five years, despite getting their trash talk sent my way.
I am so depressed, I never imagined loving a man could hurt this much. I've been ill and depressed for a year and thinking I should go into treatment, I don't know.


stepmomto3bioto1's picture

I'm so so sorry you're going thru all this!!!! Hugs!!!

I wish I knew any answers to all of this crapshoot. I'm sadly right there with you. I have a DH that's extremely unforgivable towards me for the very slight mistakes I make or he thinks I make I should say. Same here- he didn't have my back even 50% with his kids or BM. They've managed to take me apart like a darn bug & dissect me & spew me out to their liking.

I don't think I ever stood a chance!!!! He's weak when it comes to protecting me. Hang in there

giveitago's picture

I hear you too! It hurts like hell to have them all try and convince you that everything is your fault, somehow? It's brutal!
I wish I had all the answers too. What I did was to disengage from SKids and step back from all the drama surrounding BM. DH saw for himself, in reality, how miniscule my contribution was to the drama. Skids could no longer draw me in, I refused to dignify crap. It took a lot of doing, twins...both sociopaths. I quit taking any sort of responsibility for SKids and DH pretty quickly saw how horrible their behavior really was/still is. He had no choice but to step up to the plate!
I hope you start thinking about things in a more positive light, my friend, it's a dark, dark, place you are in right now. Trust me, let them get on with all their drama, do what you need to do at work or around the house and, while they are all embroiled in their little soap operas you do the things that make you feel good. ((hugs)) Remember who you are, the same bright, vivacious, charming woman needs to look back at you in the mirror!!

Redsonya's picture

I guess my saving grace is that they treat DH as crappy as they treat me, and say what you will about Facebook, its pretty great when you are dealing with passive agressiveness to the nth degree. My DH has seen for himself how the skids act in our house to both of us and then turn around say horrible things about the two of us on Facebook (knowing we will see it). They also don't say a word when BM trashes us on a daily basis on that site, but lose their minds if they eavesdrop and hear us talking about something BM has done in our bedroom. At this point, DH has told me he considers me and DD4 his family, while he tries to do what he can with SS13 and SD18 is up at college anyway. He just keeps in general touch with her by texts. Hang in there and don't take any crap!!

doormat333's picture

Thank you for all your comments. It makes it a little easier to know many of us are experiencing the same thing. I love my husband more than any man I have ever had a close relationship with. It's difficult not having his actions match his words when he says how much he loves me. I understand he feels put in the middle, but I feel it never had to be this way had he stood up in the beginning when negative actions and behaviours first occured.

giveitago's picture

What I asked, when I felt disrespected one day, was ''what sort of person behaves so disrespectfully?'' It shut DH up before he got to take his next breath!!

giveitago's picture

Basically, door, I do not take their disrespect personally, it's on them that they behave that way. I just called him on it, like, 'what sort of person disrespects...'
It's a comment that I believe leads to some introspection, or at the very least it stops disrespectful people in their tracks.