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But she does it all

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Despite how it may appear on here for the most part I don’t let BM impact my daily life. I dump everything here then move on.

However, something happened this past weekend that is still pissing me off. There was an issue with one of the kids and instead of talking about it BM pulled out the “I do all the parenting” card.

While yes my partner is an hour away and not nearly as active as he wants to be this same woman repeatedly refuses to let him have the children anything outside of the court ordered time. On top of that she will admit she is doing it because he dares to demand he get the children during that court ordered time. You know having them during his holidays, showing up at school events, stuff like that.

This sort of thing just set me off because these issues with the kids are only getting worse. She is losing control of the children but doesn’t want to take any credit for it. She wants to blame everyone else, won’t seek help, or even see how she might be wrong. She calls my partner yelling that he needs to fix this or do that because she’s tried of dealing with it? Well tough luck because we don’t.

I hate it because I know my partner would trade her in an instant. We’d be up there yesterday if he could be the primary custodial parent. We even have better schools, a better neighborhood, even better support because between us there are 3 adults that could watch the kids at any time while with BM it’s her or her elderly father who should be in a nursing home.

I also know that when we do get there it will be a fight to get 50/50 while she’ll still gripe that she has to do “all the work.”

Comments

I love dogs's picture

I have two things to say:

1. 50/50 is pretty much impossible to get when mom won't agree.

2. We now have SD12 about 55/45 with us having the greater half. BM is a controlling witch who just can't parent and SD hates being over there. She is diagnosed BPD, and is, quite frankly, a sad excuse of a mother. She favors her toddler over SD and it is obvious to everyone.

So what I am saying is it can go two ways. BM will fight until skids are PAS'd or so emotionally crippled by her that they can't "function" without her OR she will push them away enough that eventually they can't stand to be around her.

I predict we'll have SD full time in a few years. BM is just a horrible person and doesn't know how to discipline SD without it turning into a yelling match and WW3. BM WILLINGLY gave us this time and I think she's trying to transition into FT as I said. My H doesn't even have EOWE on paper so this is a HUGE gain for him.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

BM already only has the kids less than 50% of the time because she drops them on her father so much. This is part of what is making the youngest behavior so bad. She has no ability to control him and it’s getting worse the longer she doesn’t step up to the plate. Honestly we expect her to give up completely sooner or later. I got to hear some really nice recordings of him at her place last time SO called. He is pulling the same crap he does with us but doesn’t get away with and you can tell she has no clue what to do. Considering her history of abusing my partner and the child’s aggression when in her care, something will give.

The oldest is almost ignored by her mother. She craves more time with her dad and is clearly the adult of the house when she’s at her mom. She’s 8 and shouldn’t have to do the things she does.

We intend to build 50/50 out of the time she already doesn’t have the kids because of her work and basically deciding she needs time off from being a mom. On top of that we’ll present the youngest behavior and let the oldest speak for herself. I know it will still be a battle but if she doesn’t do something soon the youngest will get kicked out of school. We will also have repeated documentation of her clearly alienating the children and basically abusing her “power” as the custodial parent. We intend to show my partners repeated attempts to be more involved and her refusal to provide reasonable medical (mental health) care. As it is, SO is almost begging her to take the boy to a therapist. The doctor has told her to do it. I’m pretty sure the teacher has too but she won’t and we can’t without her consent.

Again I don’t expect it to be easy but if the court cares about the children then there is no reason to deny my partner equal time by itself. Then add all the other stuff hopefully it will tip the scales.

oneoffour's picture

DH should just fire back "I would co-parent more if I saw our children more. I cannot parent at this distance but I will address your concerns the next time I see them and they stay." BOOM!

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

I told him that the next time she says it he needs to inform her that he would happily trade her places if she feels it’s too much for her.

Thing is she won’t give them up because they are possessions to her. They are her way to hurt him and get money. Why would she let him be a parent if she can continue to not parent herself and get paid while the kids stay with her dad all the time so she can go party it up with some new guy?