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Vacation time and kids

DoingItAgain's picture

Submitted by DoingItAgain on Tue, 12/14/2010 - 4:59pm

So, I get a lot of vacation time... approx 6 weeks per year. I always schedule vacation time when BS has no school so I don't have to pay for alternate care. Even though some of that time he spends at his dads because then I get ME time!

SS is with us all week and only goes to BMs every other weekend... including holidays/no school apparently. BS and SS go to the same school and they have the next 2 weeks off. BS is expected to be at his dads Mon-Wed. Since I finally told DH over the Thanksgiving vacation how I feel, DH now knows that I expect to continue to have ME time. But he doesn't want SS to go to BMs as BM doesn't get any time off apparently and he'd end up with his Step-dad or Grandma and DH doesn't like either of those options.

Today I get a text asking which days I would prefer DH to take vacation time next week. See, this is a double-edged sword. He only gets 2 weeks of vacation time per year. If he takes vacation time to stay home with SS just because he's out of school, then that is less time for any 'family' or 'DH and I' vacations.

So, damn... I get what I want in that I won't have to be responsible for SS... except that it isn't exactly ME time if DH and SS are home all day. Was it worth it?

Wait till summer comes and I want to do something but DH doesn't have time off.... unfortunately, this doesn't mean a vacation without him would be acceptable... I just feel like I'm screwed either way.

Comments

happymostly's picture

Submitted by happymostly on Tue, 12/14/2010 - 5:13pm

I know it sucks, but I think I would rather my dh to take vacation days when we actually had something planned, who knows something really awesome might come up during the summer and you might regret him taking vacation days now.

T.O.'s picture

Submitted by T.O. on Tue, 12/14/2010 - 6:28pm

Is there no way you could convince him that his stepdad or grandma IS ok? If that absolutely doesn't fly, the I agree with happymostly. I'd rather have the 2 weeks DH gets during the year for me & him alone time & suck it up & have him & SS around during the holidays. You can book your massages, gym time, mani/pedis etc as much as possbile during this time to be out of the house so you're still having ME time, just not alone in your house ...

T.O.'s picture

Submitted by T.O. on Tue, 12/14/2010 - 6:31pm

Is there no way you could convince him that his stepdad or grandma IS ok? If that absolutely doesn't fly, the I agree with happymostly. I'd rather have the 2 weeks DH gets during the year for me & him alone time & suck it up & have him & SS around during the holidays. You can book your massages, gym time, mani/pedis etc as much as possbile during this time to be out of the house so you're still having ME time, just not alone in your house ...

T.O.'s picture

Submitted by T.O. on Tue, 12/14/2010 - 6:31pm

Is there no way you could convince him that his stepdad or grandma IS ok? If that absolutely doesn't fly, the I agree with happymostly. I'd rather have the 2 weeks DH gets during the year for me & him alone time & suck it up & have him & SS around during the holidays. You can book your massages, gym time, mani/pedis etc as much as possbile during this time to be out of the house so you're still having ME time, just not alone in your house ...

T.O.'s picture

Submitted by T.O. on Tue, 12/14/2010 - 6:41pm

Is there no way you could convince him that his stepdad or grandma IS ok? If that absolutely doesn't fly, the I agree with happymostly. I'd rather have the 2 weeks DH gets during the year for me & him alone time & suck it up & have him & SS around during the holidays. You can book your massages, gym time, mani/pedis etc as much as possbile during this time to be out of the house so you're still having ME time, just not alone in your house ...

mystiery's picture

Submitted by mystiery on Tue, 12/14/2010 - 9:10pm

Is it possibly affordable for a Holiday camp for a few days? I know a lot of places do that sort of thing during the day while kids are out of school, maybe check into it. If you can afford it then you still get your time and your DH won't have to take the time off from work.

ThatGirl's picture

Submitted by ThatGirl on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 4:42pm

Me Time, IMO, means time without SO and/or his kids. I'd just suck it up and deal with having skid home with you, if having DH take vacation is the only other option.

DoingItAgain's picture

Submitted by DoingItAgain on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 5:01pm

Thanks ThatGirl. Well, that's what I ended up doing.

There was one day that I needed to go to the grocery store and SS copt a total attitude because he wanted to stay home and play video games and got real pissy with me the whole way to the store. I asked him to help me get some veggies as sometimes asking them to participate in the event makes it more fun than just following me around. He grabbed the veggies and threw them hard in the cart. I pulled him aside and said "look, I'm not happy about being there anymore than he is. He doesn't have to love me and sometimes he may not even like me but we do need to respect each other. He can choose to make the shopping worse than it has to be or he can get over it and make the best of it. His choice. But I will not tolerate his attitude and disrespect." I asked him for a truce. He said ok. The rest of the shopping went pleasant and he actually became helpful.

DH is trying to step up more and not expect me to take care of SS. And just yesterday, he said something about 'doing something with SS like watching a movie or something so I can have ME time'. I told him he doesn't get it... ME time is being ALONE. It is not ME time if DH and SS are in the house. He just looked completely confused but then smiled... I think he got it!

Slowly but surely I think things are being more understood in our blended family. We are only 1.5 years into it and roles and responsibilities are still evolving.

ThatGirl's picture

Submitted by ThatGirl on Mon, 01/10/2011 - 5:16pm

I'm glad you were able to have your little talk with him. Maybe he'll behave better for you now, knowing that he's not the only one who is being inconvenienced.