On the one hand we try to teach rules and consequences, manners and self-reliance at our house. BM does not. Although she will not do anything for her kids if it creates the slightest hassle for her, she strangely babies the kids when they're in her possession, and does everything for them. In turn, it makes it difficult for us to enforce things at our house. The things we teach at our house go out the window by the next time they come over.

For example, last night we put the kid's toys in a pile that they'd brought out in our family room and told them to put them away. We have been VERY consisent in telling them that they need to "find homes" for things, not just throw them on their bedroom floor. Each kid took their pile of toys and carried them to their room, dropping them at the door. FDH got mad and lectured and had to point out where to put each little item....it's a constant battle. I know they're young but it's seriously like they have never learned how to put things away because BM just does it all for them.

Last night at dinner, SS3 was very whiney. He's been SO good with us on the weekends when we have him by himself, but it's like the minute his sister is around he's whiney and competes for attention like crazy. I can only imagine it will get worse once his little brother arrives (any day now).

Anyway, on a separate note but same theme, we were pretty hard on the skids this morning getting ready. Both skids had a hard time getting out of bed, both were whiney and crying for awhile about having to wake up. This has been atleast a once-weekly occurrence recently so I figured today was the day for this week. FDH and I both agreed they'd be going to bed early tonight, becuase maybe they weren't getting enough sleep after all. SS3 had about 3 meltdowns in a 40-minute time period. SD5 cried when I told her she hadn't brushed her teeth long enough (literally did one swipe on each side).

FDH and I both chalked it up to the fact that everything goes out the window when they go to BM's. She doesn't make them brush their teeth and she doesn't do their hair, she puts their boots and coats and hats and mittens on for them. So we figured it was just a crabby morning and the kids were frustrated that we wouldn't do everything for them. Not like we're mean about it, but we just kind of go about our own business of getting ready while prompting them to do the next thing.

Come to find out, SD5's school called BM at 9am and told her she had a 101 temp. Poor thing. FDH called daycare to see if SS was okay, and daycare said he seemed a little out of it so she'd given him tylenol and had him rest for about 45 mins and he seems good now.

I feel like being the "responsible" household is such a double-edged sword. We are trying to do all these things to better the children's lives but it seems to backfire so often...at this point, SS isn't really getting the "motherly" touch from me that he gets from his own mom (atleast in terms of babying) and to him it probably makes me seem really evil and that I don't love him bc I won't do those things for him. It feels like this will be a never-ending battle throughout his life...and the thing that sucks is that in reality BM could care less about her kids. How many examples do we have on a daily basis where she will not go out of her way one bit for her children? Yet these are things that the kids don't really know about or see happening...they of course only see what happens when BM is around them, and she on the outside she seems like a normal loving mother when she actually has her kids the 3 days a week. (Example: BM refuses to 'believe' that SD5 doesn't have lunch money in her account...instead she said she'll wait until Friday to see if her checks have come in so she can write a check for her lunches...so she'd rather let her daughter sit for 2 days with no lunch than just take care of it right now.)

Sorry for the slightly rambling vent but thank you for reading. I really have a lot of feelings about this but I'm too tired today to get it out in words, I guess.