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SD13 vaping/smoking

Dogmom1321's picture

I've had my suspicions for a while now, but I can 100% say SD is vaping/smoking. 
 

- she sneaks candle lighters in her room

- says she needs incense to burn 

- her BFF got written up at school for smoking in the bathroom 

- said BFF was "hanging out" in SDs room today and when they left I noticed her bedroom window was open (it's 30 degrees outside in the middle of winter) 

I think DH might have a hunch. He has mentioned smelling something before. But I also think he might have blinders on. Normally I wouldn't care, but DH left this evening while said friend was still upstairs with SD13. I just don't want to be responsible for anything. Thinking I will mention it to him and hopefully he will handle it. At the very least, he SHOULD avoid putting me in the middle of situations like this again. I don't plan on saying anything to SD13 though. 

 

 

Comments

Rags's picture

Put a wbcam ouside of her window so when she opens it and vapes/smokes you can put the footage up in the evening for shit kid viewing time with the rest of the family. See how daddy address her lies and crap.

Of course put the camera at an angle that can't see into her room but catches a full fiew of the window opening.

While you are at it, put web cams everywhere in the common areas of the home and that covers her door, windows, the bathroom doors and windows, etc, etc,.... this kid is not worthy of trust so own her ass with video and give daddy clarity.

smh

StepUltimate's picture

.... available at your local drugstore. Don't warn before you drug-test; they get "clean" friends to pee in a ziplock so they can cheat the test & continue lying.

/ask me how I know

Harry's picture

Normal smoking or vaping.  Part of parenting is to know your kid is going to try smoking/ vaping drinking. Drugs.  You just hope that they just try them.  Not yo say you don't have house rules. Like no smoking in the house.  No drinking in the house. No boys in her room with the door closed.  Two 13 yo in a room with a close door may give you bigger worries.. have you had the birth control talk. It's need to be done soon 

Lillywy00's picture

THIS^^^
 

I let these kids know off top ... "as long as I pay your bills and you reside in my home (aside from the bathroom) there is no expectation of privacy" 

 

I do random phone checks, random computer checks, random room checks. 
 

If she is smoking and you check rooms and backpack and purse you will most likely find the evidence

 

To be less confrontational about it and to avoid tipping them off just wait till they're at school, asleep, in the shower to do it. 
 

Also if you're wondering if they're smoking substances that are illegal or unhealthy for her you could sign her up to work for an employer who will drug test or since your SD is under the working age you would have to do your own drug test.

 

If she is smoking she probably is into other stuff too sex/drinking/etc so it's important to have a conversation, fill her time up with positive productive activities 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

At 13, i wonder how she gets the money for vapes/cigs/drugs. Not giving her cash along with testing and randomly "tossing" her room are the best option. If BM or others give her cash, not much you can do about that. But those are expensive vices, and people don't just give them to kids for free, at least not in large amounts.

Funny story, just before Christmas my son (away at school) called and asked me to look in my youngest's room to see if they had a certain Lego set. I didn't find the set but i did find a vape pen. I confronted my youngest about it and at first they lied and said it was a friend's. My kid and the friend are both 18 and can legally buy vapes here. I said the friend needs to worry about lung damage and cancer, heart disease risk, stroke risk, and could even lose a limb like their grandfather on their dad's side. This resonated because my kid saw the leg before and after amputation and it was gruesome, and he is a heavy nicotine user. My kid then admitted it was theirs, but said they only tried it a few times and this was several years ago. I said i hope that is true. At 18 and soon to be in college, i can toss the stuff now, but they will have to make their own choices once they move out. I hope they listen. It's their body and health. 

Harry's picture

You should remember your child hood.   Kids will be kids.  You just hope they get by with out getting hurt. Smoking isn't the top thing I would worry about.   But it's time to remind them. That it's yours house, you pay the bills. They follow your rules .  Until they move out pay there own rent. And can make there own house rules

Lillywy00's picture

Not to go against you - just to provide another perspective

I do think kids will be curious and want to try things especially if they see adults doing them

However the legal age to procure nicotine and vapes is 18 (I actually think it's raised to 21) so what she's doing is technically illegal and she will have to either steal it from somewhere or compensate some adult to buy it for her (ain't no wise adult about to take that risk without being compensated) and last thing you want is her compromising her morals going to desperate lengths to procure something that is illegal to her right now  

Also nicotine is highly addictive for most people. My whole family was chain smokers who took decades and prescription medications to quit. My brother never quit and he's been smoking since high school  (when it was not legal for him to do so) which is now multiple decades

Ive also heard people who smoke cigarettes say that when combined with alcohol like a beer, they get a bit of a buzz (more than they would drinking a beer by itself or smoking a cigarette by itself)

Another thing is that I tried my first cigarette at 9 (I smoked a few more times in high school but hankfully I didn't get addicted) but I saw it so much that I thought it was normal and wanted to try it (but the lengths I had to go through to get it - lying / sneaking / even stealing - is what made me realize I was doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing)

So while it's not the worst vice, it's not particularly harmless either. Hopefully your sd possibly smoking and vaping is just a one time or sporradic thing 

Dogmom1321's picture

Update: DH confronted SD13 about it and told her it's not allowed in our house. Of course SD responded with an attitude ("see if I care that you check my stuff then"). 

DH also touched based with BM (they usually don't talk). I guess BM has caught SD13 with a vape pen before too, so she wasn't surprised. SD13 has an older half brother (19 y/o) that also lives at BM. I'm assuming she gets her "stuff" from him or bums from a friend. BM suggested that SD be "grounded" from seeing said friend for a while (you know, since the friend is the only guilty one obv.) 

Lack of any follow through/consquence with DH other than "talking to" SD, BM, and the other child's mom. Oh well, as long as I don't get left along with them again, I could care less. 

PARENT POV and Question though: Is anyone not worried about fentanayl? Seems like you hear about it being everywhere "these days". I would be scared if my son was vaping from a "friend" or anything that was randomly given to him. So many overdoses on the news. Maybe that's just me being old school, but IMHO things were way different when I was a kid. 

Rags's picture

Sadly, a result of failed parenting.  Kids smoking, vaping, and even Fentanyl.  

I tried a cigarette with a friend whose parents were smokers when I was in 4th grade. My parents invoked such heinous consequences that I never tried them again.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Yeah, fentanyl is a risk. I had a patient tell me she found her son dead on their couch with a joint in his hand. He was a pot smoker but this one, whether he knew it or not, was contaminated with fentanyl. My BIL's nephew also died from fentanyl, apparently thinking he bought Xanax from a "street vendor."