You are here

BM scheduling activities on DH time

Dogmom1321's picture

BM reached out to DH before Christmas and asked what he was getting SD13. He told BM mostly expensive sneakers and clothes. Well, BM decided to get SD13 a guitar and asked DH if he wanted to get her lessons. AT THE TIME, his response was she could watch YouTube videos to get a hang of it first, then maybe look into it. 

Well here we are not even a month later and BM is scheduling lessons on DH time expecting him to take her. BM chose the place and time too of course. Across town at 5:00 for an hour. So long to dinner on Thursday nights I guess. 

I'm annoyed at DH. He didn't ask ANY details before confirming. Prices, frequency, etc. Just said "sure". I guess I can say goodbye to making dinner on Thursday nights. I'm sure he will realize only after he's sitting in traffic all evening. 

I bet SD13 will go a handful of times and then give up. And it will be the teacher's fault for "not teaching her right." That was her latest response for why she is currently failing Math. I'm just annoyed at DH for being a "yes man." *eyeroll*

Anyone else have failed attempts at extracurriculars with SKs? 


CajunMom's picture

DH's youngest daughter pulled this twice but it didn't impact us too much.

First was a set of drums.  BM called asking to split drum cost....we chose to shop and we purchased the drums. BM was suppose to do lessons....that lasted about a month and then crickets.

Next, BM called and wanted us to split the cost of a near $2000 guitar for a beginner. LOL Nope. Not doing it. Well, somehow she pulled the funds together and got the guitar. Lessons lasted about a month and then crickets. And that expensive guitar? Eventually got pawned. SMH

As for your DH....I'd just sit back and let him suffer through his decision. And I'd make Thursday evenings MY night. Do things you want to do. It will probably be short lived so enjoy your "me" time!

Dogmom1321's picture

One would think BM and DH would use the time and money to invest in a Math tutor instead so she can pass Math hopefully. 

Good point about the quiet evenings!

CLove's picture

Has no exracurriculars. She does play violing. She has a few string insturments also, such as (unplayed) acoustic guitar, (unplayed) mandolin.

Ive signed her up for (unused) french lessons online, and an (unused) permit class online.

I get it though - its the bio parents scheduling things without your(our) input. Its what the parents want, then what the kids want, and we are never even considered at all what we want. Not a bit.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Look at it as you having Thursday evenings to indulge yourself. Have dinner solo or with friends. Have a luxurious mani/pedi. Spend a few hours at the bookstore. Nosh on goodies while watching a non-kid-friendly flick. Daddy can spend one-on-one time with SD, gush over her picking, and handle their dinner.

advice.only2's picture

Spawns Freshman year she decided she wanted to play volleyball, she had never played any kind of sport in her life, but DH was supportive.  She made the team but rode the bench pretty much the whole season.  This did not deter DH from buying Spawn all the equipment she needed and making sure it was the top brand.  He also began talking about private lessons and summer camps since precious poopsie finally played a round in one game he attended.  Summer comes and DH signs Spawn up for a pretty intensive summer camp which wasn’t cheap.  Spawn spent two weeks at this camp basically coming up with one new ailment after the next and pretty much sitting out the whole time.  Tryouts for the team were going to start soon after the camp and guess who decides she’s not really interested in volleyball anymore but instead wants to do cheer.  Of course, DH is supportive and ready to run out and begin purchasing all the things Spawn would need for cheer.  I told him to hold off until after tryouts seeing as Spawn had never cheered before in her life or done any sort of tumbling.  Shock and surprise she didn’t make the cheer team.  That’s when she told DH she really just wanted to dance and that had been her passion all along…so he re-enrolled her in dance (a long story behind that). 

Dogmom1321's picture

Wow. Yes, I feel like it's harder to "get into things" as an early teen when you did nothing as a kid. Difficult to try out for cheer if all you have ever done is cartwheels in the backyard. Same thing for guitar I feel like... SD has never taken any music elective (band, orchestra, choir etc.) Having no musical background, but wanting to take up guitar (because it looks cool) I think is going to make it difficult for her. SD13 tends to give up easily and gets super frustrated, so I won't be surprised in the slightest. Will stay posted!


la_dulce_vida's picture

I learned the hard way with my own kids.

We had a rule that if you start something, you must finish it unless there are compelling reasons to leave (falling grades or a toxic environment like abusive coaches or a dangerous environment)

My daughter made the tennis team in high school. She regretted it and often wanted to quit. We made her stick it out.

When my eldest son had completed college, he wanted to return to study film and electronic media. I asked questions about this new passion and commented that before we'd release funds from his college fund, I'd like to see how committed he was to it. He said he needed a fancy camera. So, his dad and I bought him the fancy camera and encouraged him to see if he REALLY liked working with film and video editing. I reminded him that Steven Spielburg started making movies when he was a kid. So, if it was really his passion, show us whatcha got. He made a music video for a local Baltimore band along with other projects. I was impressed, so he went back to school and got the degree.

I think that kids who are super passionate about a sport or art will usually get into it without all the fancy gear. If the fancy gear comes first, they are likely a lot like me. I get excited with the preparation for a new venture, but I lack something in the execution. An example is that I would always be thrilled with NEW school supplies - thrilled by the promise of a new, better school year. But I was never thrilled to actually DO the schoolwork.

ESMOD's picture

YSD had a poof of an idea when she was 17 about being a yacht designer.  I asked her when she decided this.. because I had NEVER seen her pick up a pencil to sketch.. never had seen her researching or looking at magazines drooling over boats.. I mean..she liked riding on them fine.. but had never built a model.. never drawn one.. wasn't great at math (or so she claims).. so where exactly did this come from?

She did enough research to find some spendy program in new england that was llike 40K a year.. plus living expenses.. hahahahahaha.

I asked her how she thought she could afford that?   her interest dwindled.

I have a feeling she thought it would be a job that would impress guys.. that it was "cool" and thought it would be interesting.. but when it came down to putting her money (get loans).. in her own name?  nope.. wasn't that important.. 

then she thought about doing a shipbuilding apprenticeship where she would learn to weld.. again.. cool for a girl to do that right... would impress the

She is now an HR manager.. and does great at it.. no student debt.

AgedOut's picture

Look at you having a you day on Thursday. You can grab a bite, get a message, take a crafting class, see a movie, pretty much anything that centers around Y-O-U

CastleJJ's picture

This is the ONLY blessing about being long distance. BM can sign SS up for whatever extracurricular she wants, but she has to pay for it and she has to do all the transportation. SS does sports year round - football in summer and fall, basketball and now wrestling in winter, soccer in spring, and foreign language lessons sprinkled in year round. SS has told us numerous times that he is burned out, but BM keeps insisting because for her, it's free childcare. She can dump him off at practice every night and go do her own stuff. 

The only downside is that our visitation is limited to 6 weeks per year to accommodate these crazy sport schedules. The judge wouldn't grant more visitation time because SS would miss out on sports. So unfortunately, in a way, we are penalized with time because SS is in so many sports. Although, for some people, less time with skids is a blessing. 

Rags's picture

Nope. DH needs t tell BM no. Not on his limited time... and for damned sure not one Cent should go to funding BM;s interferace in DH's visitation time.

Not.... one..... Cent.