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Do you think BM is fishing for a reaction??

Dogmom1321's picture

SD13 shared with DH back in Decemeber that BM is pregnant with her BF and having a boy. Ever since then, BM always seems to bring it up when texting with DH... but he never acknowledges it directly with BM.

Examples #1:... BM texted DH asking for Christmas present ideas and the amount of gifts. Proceeded to say "she has enough kids" to buy for. 

#2... BM told DH she needed to change drop off time because she had an "important doctor appt" in the morning. 

#3.. most recently when discussing SD... BM said she has no idea why SD13 complains all the time because SHE is exhasuted from taking classes and "being pregnant" 

Lol, what? DH never responds directly to her statements, just keeps it to the topic (drop offs, SD behavior, etc.) I think it's weird. It's like BM keeps hinting at her pregnancy to try to get a "congrats" out of DH. Thoughts? I think it's starting to bother BM that DH could care less if she is birthing a 3rd child or not. She has a history of always trying to stay relevant for some reason. 


Rumplestiltskin's picture

Attention seekers seek attention. BM wants acknowledgement. Congratulations. She wants to see him upset. Anything that shows that DH is focused on HER. The best thing DH can do is continue making all communication about their existing kid(s) and completely business-like. It will drive BM crazy, but better than that, she will realize that your DH is no longer a potential source for her attention fix and might quit trying and start seeking it elsewhere (because attention seekers don't stop seeking, they just seek in other places.)  

CastleJJ's picture

HCBMs become more obvious with their attention-seeking attempts when their exes don't react. DH and I have been together for 11 years, married for 5 years, and we have DD2 together. BM moved on with GF of 7 years and they got married last fall. The last year was all about BM's wedding and BM made sure to "drop the hint" wherever she could:

1. Needing to adjust pick-up time due to dress shopping, cake tasting, venue touring, etc. 

2. Needing to have BM's parents pick SS up early after a visit so they could get to their bachelorette party.

3. Constantly flashing her ring at every drop off/pick up. 

4. Being sure to loudly talk about the wedding in the background when DH and SS FaceTimed, to be sure DH heard details "by accident." 

DH never even acknowledged her attempts. The more he ignored, the more bold she became. HC people like this need to know that they are constantly admired and envied by all. DH could have given a shit about BM getting married to GF. He is focused on our marriage and our family, not what BM is doing. Yet, BM is delusional and thinks DH is still pining after her and is jealous she moved on. After multiple attempts to get a reaction, BM finally gave up and stopped seeking a reaction regarding her wedding. 

Dogmom1321's picture

Ditto! Everything is the same to a tee. Fingers crossed BM will get the hint and stop looking for attention over here anyways. 

ESMOD's picture

I'm not sure that it's attention seeking as much as trying to make her "needs" and requests as more weighty.. because as a pregnant woman.. she should get extra points for that?

MissK03's picture

It's attention seeking. She wants her ex husband to feel jealous,  bad, acknowledge her.. who knows but it is blatant attention seeking IMO AND making herself 1st because she's pregnant. 

OP have your husband keep gray rocking her. It took BM here YEARS (she still doesn't fully) with skids not even living with her (been completely 24/7 for 6 years now) to cut this type of BS out. 

Dogmom1321's picture

YES! Trying to make herself first. With such requests as "Can you just pick up from my house instead of meeting halfway? I'm so tired." etc. I hope DH keeps gray rocking her. Otherwise I feel she will just play the "I have a baby card" whenever she needs/wants something in the future. 

CLove's picture

Toxic Troll used to make certain when she needed kiddo to stay extra time because she was going on a date or shacking up with a dude, that she told husband, and added how so and so treated her like a princess.

No reaction is best.

Dogmom1321's picture

BM definitely has said the same in years past! "I can't pick SD up early in the morning. I went to ________'s house tonight."  Like why add the additional unnecessary details? No one cares nor asked what your personal dating plans are. 

AlmostGone834's picture

Ugh these BMs are the worst and just once... just ONCE I would like to hear of a story where a DH shuts its down .... hard!

"BM why do you keep mentioning your new baby/bf? You're not fooling anyone. It's attention-seeking and pathetic. I DON'T CARE. I don't care about you, your boyfriends or your babies with them. All is care about is our joint kids..."

....but these women are so delusional it would probably only encourage their behavior. SIGH

Dogmom1321's picture

AGREE! I have once wondered if DH should just come out and say those exact words... but then again he would just be feeding into the attention. 

DH most DEFINITELY has strong feelings about BM being pregnant. He's concerned for SD13s stability and BMs ability to get her to school on time. I think it's valid. But he said it's not worth even bringing it up in conversation with BM though because "it still wouldn't change anything."

We shall see! 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

He's right. Gray rocking is the only way to deal with these people. Short, to the point, all business. Communicating any feelings on his part, even bad ones, will give BM that little thrill that attention seekers get when they get attention. 

MissK03's picture

Exactly. BM would have loved for SO to give her that attention even if it was "calling her out." Few times it needed to be done.... AND she cried! Hence why gray rocking is best.  

BM has tried to bait SO with conversation.. he just doesn't respond. SD16 has said that BM asked her "if she should stop texting SO." SD told her yes. I could rant now but I won't haha. 

SO and BM text maybe once/twice a year because SD16. That's it. But ANY given opportunity she will try and lead into generic convo. He doesn't give it to her. 

Rags's picture

"Your breeding habits are not my concern nor are they my problem.  Our son is my concern.  Manage your life in a way that does not interfere in my time with my son and does not change the schedule.  Beyond that.... contact me only in the event of issues that relate to my son and only my son. Buh-bye."

Bare idiot ass and idiots tend to crawl under and stay under their rock.

Spermidiot would call occassionally to tearfully lament how much he loved DW, how much he missed his family, whaaaaaaaaaa.  She would laugh at him and ask him if he wanted to speak with SS. That was it. Laugh, and hand off the phone to SS.  Usually SPermidiot would either just hang up on SS or say a few words at most.


Never once did the Spermidiot or anyone else in the SpermClan ever call to speak with SS.   Always their calls were to rant, set up travel, cry, whine, etc....  Their behaviors never indicated they even recognized that SS existed or was important to them at all.

He saw every day how important he is to us.

When he was in SpermLand on visitation and the Spermidiot would poutingly ask him "Does your mom still love me?" it would confuse SS to no end.  As he got older, SS would laugh in the Spermidiot's face and communicate that his mom and dad  (DW and me) loved each other very much and had been married a long time and that his mom never even thought about the Spermidiot.

Spermidiot would stomp off pouting, leave, and SS would not see him for the rest of that visitation. Often for a year or more even.

Kids who have a viable adult relationship that they are raised with on the quality side of their blended family equation can protect themselves from the shallow and polluted end of their gene pool both as they are growin up and through adulthood.  Trash on the crap side of the equation far more likely than not will never stop their toxic crap.  So kids need that quality example and the full facts of the blended family environment (CO reviews, financial reviews, parental behavior knowledge, cheating, arrests records, etc....) in order to know reality and protect themselves throughout their lives.


IMHO of course.