Rose Colored Glasses Came Off!
WOW. I am shocked to tell about the conversation DH and I had yesterday.
Quick backstory: Been with DH for 8 years and SD is 13. 50/50 CO with BM. Disengaged for my own mental health and to prevent arguments with DH.
I've posted more lately about all the issues with SD13. Vaping, mess of a room, friends over, poor grades, etc.
DH and I were on the phone otw home from work. Simply asked if SD was going to be at our house this wknd. Change of plans were up in the air earlier in the week.
DH unloaded and said he talked to BM at length the other day (they typically have minimal communication). DH told BM that SD13 manipulates both houses. Will tell one thing to one parent (ex I don't like SM) but then will go say the opposite to the other parent for attention. He told BM she tries to gain sympathy and attention to get things that she wants (nails done, shopping etc) BM claims SD13 calls late at night crying and saying how much she hates life. But then will wake up at our house the next morning begging to go to the movies, shopping, friends houses, etc.
DH told me he thinks SD13 has a major problem with lying/manipulation so bad that she believes her own lies. He said he thinks BM has some sort of mental health disorder, maybe BPD, and thinks SD might have a genetic predisposition to it as well because he's seen so many similarities as SD has gotten older and shown similar behaviors as BM.
I have yet to see if DH follows through with any actions for his concerns. He claims he is making a therapy appointment for SS13. He also admitted the cell phone use is a problem, but hasn't commented on how he will enforce new rules.
IMHO I think both BM and DH are at a total loss for how to dig SD13 out of the hole she is in... but at least he isn't defending her actions like BM. Of course she thinks a split home is to blame (even though they divorced when SD was 2 y/o and knows no difference.) BM also thinks different "parenting styles" is to blame. Along with ME for not "being a friend to SD".
I think DH actually sees SD clearly. Something I thought I would NEVER say.