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Delinquent stepdaughter

FedupSM96s's picture

The typical Disney dadSD is 17 and a Senior in high school. Never had a job and BM refuses to let her even get a drivers permit till she’s 18 because she’s to Immature. She’s rude/Disrespectful to adults including teachers. Had many Detentions due to her attitude. She’s been diagnosed with “conduct disorder” but I just think she’s a rotten spoiled brat. In the last four years of high school she’s Barely and I mean barely passed her classes. Here high school transcript has her cumulative GPA at 67. She has also had many Detentions over her poor grades and cutting class. Her Attitude is a Snotty I don’t care. Oh she’s also been caught stealing at school during her early high school years. A real gem....


Here is my dilemma.  BM Convinced him they did not need a lawyer and they drew up the divorce agreement in mediation. Bad decision on SO as he got royally screwed financially. BM is VERY smart I’ll give her that. They split Financially equally all education needs which is normal BUT BM got SO to agree to pay for 100 percent of kids college education. You can bet she she has it in writing in the divorce agreement too. There is NO WAY we can pay for this. Now one would think as much as SD HATES school there would be no way she would want to go to college. Guess again. She’s been filling out paperwork for college. I think she’s just going to be with the boyfriend and party but can’t prove anything. Number one I can’t Imagine what classes she is going to have to take over to just get in(more money) to college. Number two I Seriously doubt she’s going to do well in college after the last 4 years. 

Im looking for advice on HOW we can get out of this. We don’t have the thousands and thousands of dollars to pay for this. Could they take our home we own?? Freeze our bank account?? Garnish SO wages??

Also what are SD chances of even getting into college with her poor grades? Maybe that will be our saving grace. 



still learning's picture

Most of the paying for school orders have the stipulation that the student needs to do all they can to apply for grants, financial aid and scholarships before the parent starts paying.  The grades also need to be passing.  Make sure DH fills out the FAFSA and steers her to apply for scholarships.  Also redirecting her to a trade school may be more appropriate for her temperment.  

It would be a good idea for you to separate your assets from DH's ASAP.  You own a home together?

tog redux's picture

Your SO needs to file with the court NOW to have the divorce order reviewed. And get a good attorney.  It should be based on his ability to pay, and also on SD's grades and ability to succeed in college.  BM here just managed to overturn things that were in the divorce order, with ease (though she is a woman).

Also, Conduct Disorder is not a fluffy diagnosis, it's rare to give it to kids, and it basically means that someone thinks she's on a fast track to prison.

susanm's picture

Something like this is not a thing to be guessed at.  He needs to have the exact wording of the documents interpreted by an attorney so that he knows where he stands.  Everything that SD must do as far as application for granst and loans he must require her to do.  He needs to be fully active in the choices made since he will be paying.  If for some reason the document had been allowed to be left completely vague and he is open to being used as a blank check, he can force BM to agree to specific terms being written in or take it to court to have them imposed. He is not helpless unless he wants to be.

FedupSM96s's picture

SD Already tried a trade school cosmetology and she failed out with in a few months. The divorce agreement Does state SD needs to Apply for grants and federal aid first but with her grades and the fact she does not play sports or does ANYTHING what could she possibly get? 

tog redux's picture

Anyone can go to community college and at least take some classes.  If she gets her GPA up she can then get into specific programs at the CC, or into other colleges. I thought my lazy SS would fail out of college in a month but he seems to be doing okay, so don’t assume she can’t pull it together. 

FedupSM96s's picture

I’m worried about. I’m worried about Exactly what you posted above. Due to SD’s poor grades I’m sure she will need to go at least 6 month to a year at a Community college. There is a few thousands SO will have to shell out just to make up the high school classes she screwed up.  THEN when SD finally has her grades up SO will have to pay for the next college. My fear is NOT she won’t get into college my fear it’s going to cost a small Fortune getting her into one

Harry's picture

Like DD has to attend full time, has to carried over 12 credits. And must at least carried a over a C. Over a 2.0 average.  Or she is just wasting time.  Your DH must insis on a community College first to see how she is doing.  There are some college will take anyone just to get $20,000: 

Notup4it's picture

It isn’t very likely that she will get in- but who knows. It is a tough spot to be in because to get a lawyer and fight it can cost almost as much as the schooling itself.  I say that to DH all the time.... with all the money we spent on stupid lawyers we could have sent all the kids to top universities.  If he just doesn’t pay BM will have to file to take HIM to court to get it and then he could fight it from that angle... which is most likely easiest way to go about it. 

Seperate as much of your assets as possible- you could also go get an agreement done up for about $500 that ALL of DH’s debt incurred from putting his child through school is his alone (to save yourself just in case). 

tog redux's picture

True, that's why DH didn't get an attorney this go round.  At least with all the other crap he has to pay, an attorney isn't one of them.

Rags's picture

The eternal excuse based bullshit diagnosis of the week made by pseudo professionals who can't get a real F-in job.

If this kid can't pass HS by anything more than the skin of  her teeth she won't remain in good standing with any college.  That gets DH off of the hook for paying.  At most he will be in for a single semesters college costs.   I would suggest that she take out loans for the semester and DH reimburse her for her costs if she makes Cs or better. What she does with the money is irrelevent.  He can show he has paid.  If she pays off her loans each semester great. If not... he did his part.