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New at this.....New at alot of things!

Dealing_with_Drama's picture

I am new to this. My husband and I have been together for 3 years, married for 1 year. We have basically been "at war" with his ex-girlfriend for 3 years. I will admit, I thought that when we got married she would back off, but that is not the case. She filed from divorce from my husband in '06 and it was finally final in '07. Funny, how it can take so long to get divorced from someone that were never married to, they had to make up a "wedding date" for the divorce papers. My SS3 did well with the constant back and forth until '07. His BM took him for a "vacation" and when he came back, he wanted nothing to do with any of us. I have a BS10 from a previous relationship and we have a decent relationship with his BF. The BM has been charged with harassment, starting taking my SS3 to counseling without my husband's consent, has since filed a complaint against the therapist that she chose because he wasn't on her side, taked my SS3 out of his Learning Center and took him somewhere else, and was told by a speech path (my SS3 now has a severe stuttering problem) and the therapist that she was emotionally abusing her son. My husband has since filed papers to take her to court for sole custody of my SS3. We go on Feb 3 & 4. My SS3 tells me everyday how much his mother hates me; his daddy loves his mother and that his daddy used to live with his mother and him until I came along. He will be 4 in March. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. We are expecting and trying to finish our basement but all of our $$$$ is going to a lawyer to get a child who has no respect for me or our home. Thanks for listening.


SM#1's picture

If you get custody you will have plenty of time for him to warm up to you. Believe me the money is worth a good lawyer, and I would go for sole custody too.

Chel Bell's picture

How do you file and get divorced from some one you were never married to, and why did they have to do that?? Sorry to pry, just curious."~waiting on the world to change~"

Dealing_with_Drama's picture

Don't worry about it. They were living together, no bills together, never filed their taxes together. She got pregnant and he was able to cover her on his insurance- that ended up being their "date of marriage." How romantic! When she filed, he went to 3 attorneys and they ALL advised him to get divorced from her because he is former military and has a wonderful retirement plan with the state. Otherwise, she could of waited 10 years and asked for 1/2 of his savings. Crazy huh! Oh, and just November, she took our insurance card that she has for SS3 and used it to get her teeth cleaned! They denied the claim of course!

stepwitch's picture

Oh my goodness.....if the childs therapist states that the bm is emotionally/mentally abusing this young child and causing stuttering....why is dh sending him to her? Oh got serious issues ahead with this family....I suggest you don't worry about the basement rennovations and put everything you have into supporting this child and dh.

Sounds like you really love your ss...try not. To let his verbage discourage you...that the crazy ex talking not him.. ((((((hugs))))))

Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!

Anon2009's picture

OMG, I don't even know where to begin. I'm so sorry for what you guys are going through! Even though my SDs were older than your SS, I can totally relate to what you guys are going through re: the badmouthing and emotional abuse of skids by BM. I feel for your SS too. The only advice I can give is to be there for your BS10, SS3 and DH throughout this whole thing. I think your SS needs counseling, and maybe he could go back to the guy who BM took him to, just so then it's someone he knows and doesn't feel uncomfortable with. The counselor and speech therapist BM took your son to could help you out in court and provide written statements & testimony against BM. I don't understand why women like this have custody of their kids- they have a lot of issues and emotionally abuse their kids!!! I don't think your SS hates you though, not if he's telling you what his mom says about you. He's 3 and doesn't really know how to handle all that is coming at him from BM. I decided to get some counseling for myself to deal with all the drama. That is what helped me cope. I really wish I had known about this site at the time. I'm the only person in my family with a blended family or stepfamily, whichever you want to call it. Nobody else in my family understood what I was going through, though they certainly abhorred BM. I also recommend counseling for SS3 because it was a godsend for my SDs. They're starting to see that BM is really a bad mother and they're starting to see through what she did to DH and me. They've realized that DH loves them to bits & pieces and would never do any of the things BM said. They're realizing that I'm not the }:) evil person BM made me out to be and that BM is the }:) . Not me. I hope that helps, and again (((HUGS)))