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so embarrassed by ss16 clothing

dakotamom's picture

i dont even know where to start....i've been on this site before but the children started spending more time at their mother's house as that's their full time residence adn they both now have full time jobs,... or well did during the summer. we went out for supper last night as a family and ss16 shows up in shoes that should be for mowing the lawn ONLY. these are DH's hand me downs that have since fallen apart. there are holes in the shoes where they have ripped at the seams on the side and top. His shirt was also a DH hand me down that now looks as if he caught it on barbed wire. it had a hole the size of a small fist in the back shoulder. His shorts looked as if they either hadn't been washed or permanently stained. i cannot believe 1. he would wear this in public 2. that DH didnt say anything to him about it 3 - not so hard ot believe - that his mother would allow him out of the house like that to meet us.
we ate our meal and proceeded to go shopping for a backpack for ss16 as well as shoes. i was mortified when the sales guy was trying to help him decide if there was enough room for his toe, i'm sure the kid stunk....he looked as if the clothes were dirty and he has a problem with showering regularly anyway. the shoes were picked out and i suggested to DH that we go look at shirts because his looks awful. instead of agreeing and saying something to ss16 about his clothing choice, I am instead told that i need to chill out and he's "just a boy" DO YOU KNOW SICK AND TIRED I AM OF HEARING THIS MOTHERF-ING EXCUSE!!!!!!!! there are plenty of nice boys that dress nice adn dont look like a homeless kid!!!! his older brother doesn't look like this!!!! ss18 also just stands back in amazement at how his father doesn't care at the shape of the younger sibling. what needs to happen??? how do i get DH to realize that ss16 needs to have better hygeine, better clothing choices - we pay enough - he should have name brand everything!!!!! instead his favorite stuff is shit DH gave to him. maybe i just need to burn dh's clothes before they can become hand me downs. they aren't in bad condition when they go away, how they look like shit 2 weeks later is beyond me!!!
so frustrated!!!
help ladies!!!


sonja's picture

At first I thought this was a post about an SD not an SS. I expect my SD to dress tackfully when she is older. Anywho..

Whoa! CS and the kid shows up in rags?! No surprise there, DH needs to get on board though.. even though the clothes might not be from the mall they need to presentable! And you guys should not have to buy them! I know how you feel on it though, when BM sends clothes for SD that I wouldnt want to be seen with her wearing in public its very frustrating.

Is the SS have the brain capacity for a 1/1 convo about looking good for public? When my FDH is being stubborn I take the matter into my own hands. He cant property dress SD some days so I do it myself.

Good luck, 16 is way old enough to know how to be presentable!

alwaysanxious's picture

I almost feel sorry for him. its like he has no self esteem or pride.

You and DH are going to have to -together- address this with tact.

A sit down is in order about hygiene and dress. You arent' asking him to be preppy, just not homeless looking.
Ask DH if he would take SS around his friends looking like this??

SS needs to go shopping. Unless he just doesn't take care of his clothing though. Then that is a bigger problem.