Another (OT) Child Support Question
Since we have had some child support topics going today I thought I would ask my question. I fear talking about this because I don't want to open a can of worms. It would feel good to at least get it off my chest though.
Is there anything you can do about child support going to a parent when the child is not even living in her home?
ss16 lives with BM's parents a few blocks away from her house. She has tried to set fire to her home, wandered the streets drunk at all hours of the night, stripped naked in the front yard in front of ss16 and the neighbors. DH has tried repeatedly to get CPS involved and they do absolutely nothing. ss16 is large for his age and they say that because of his age and size he is not in danger.
DH tried for years and years to get custody and several thousands of dollars later, he lost every time. BM's parents are well off and paid money for a good attorney.
While BM's parents are well off, they do not spend any money on ss16 and they allow BM to keep the child support checks and do as she pleases.
The only clothes ss16 has are what we have bought. He buys his own shoes with birthday and Christmas money. They will not pay for driver's ed, they say it's too expensive. They do not take him out anywhere because they are tired and they are too busy taking care of BM.
ss16 is growing increasingly angry and resentful as he watches BM blow through his child support money while he goes without. How will this affect him in coming years? It worries me for that much anger to build up in a teenage boy.
ss16 says he knows that if asked to live with DH, BM and her parents would NOT sign him over. DH and ss16 both agree that it would be best at this point if ss16 could stay at his current high school and graduate there.
I hate watching all this. Is there nothing that can be done? DH says he doesn't want to rock the boat. He says that BM's parents will shuffle him right back over to BM's house if they thought she would lose her child support money. He says that at least BM's parents make sure his son goes to school, has 3 meals daily and is safe.
It burns me up that something so wrong could continue like this. This is why I'm so driven to ensure child support payments stop the instant they are legally supposed to. Once ss16 graduates from high school, DH has his college prepared for and hopefully ss16 can get a job and any money DH gives will FINALLY goes to his son.
This is one heck of a crazy story. Is this kind of nonsense common?
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Comments
Your DH is right...sadly, at
Your DH is right...sadly, at this late in the game, the courts don't do a darn thing. The only thing I am thankful is seeing the horror stories of others who paid thousands for lawyers who at the end did nothing for them. Meanwhile, the BMs can do whatever they want. it is only thing if the kid is 4, it is another if they are 16. Also, technically, BM is NOT entitled to CS, however, the parents taking care of him COULD take your DH to court and odds are the court would make him pay them anyway...and NOT move the skid. So, I would NOT give the skid a dime more, let him take it up with his grandparents or BM...period. If he doesn't like it, then maybe HE needs to ask the courts to switch homes, etc...but odds are he doesn't like what mom is doing, but doesn't much care if your DH spends more or not.
Now if you are in a state where college is mandatory, maybe you need to check into making changes...but if you only have two more years, count your blessings (I know, there aren't many) and law low until it is done.
Isn't SS, at the age of 16,
Isn't SS, at the age of 16, allowed more input into choosing where he lives? I know little kids don't get a say, but I've often thought the older ones do....I unno though.
Well, yes, I think they are
Well, yes, I think they are but here is what will normally happen...While the BM gets CS, if you complain about the CS not going to the kid, you are just concerned with the money...Then at the age of 16, even if the skid wants to live with dad, odds are that the courts will NOT make the BM pay...Odds are if the DH asks for CS, the BM, the family and even the kid will probably say something about "it's all about the money" and thus either 1. not get a dime, although he always had to pay 2. will be made out to be the bad guy and the kid will feel bad that BM is being made to pay.
Sorry, but that is how it normally goes. Most kids who live with the DH do NOT get a dime, much less when they are older and have switched homes...
DH doesn't have an issue with
DH doesn't have an issue with paying child support. He has an issue with BM spending it all on herself while her parents also support her and she doesn't work. Our issue is watching ss16 go without. It's disgusting. We don't see the point in giving even more money when BM's parents are already well off and allowing BM to waste the child support on frivolous spending.
ss16 says that even if he chose to live with his Dad, BM and her parents would never allow it. He believes they would put pressure on him and he is well aware even at his age that DH would spend inordinate amounts of money on an attorney, in vain.
My hope is that something good will come of all this. My hope is that ss16 will feel a drive to get away from this situation and get himself to school so he can make a better life for himself. His anger worries me though. The other day he asked me why can't people be "put down" like animals are and why can't they just get rid of his mother. DH doesn't let him talk like this but the fact that he thinks it concerns me.
I love your idea, foxie, of
I love your idea, foxie, of ss16 taking his mother to court and getting some kind of justice!
I agree, herewegoagain, everybody assumes you're "all about the money".
I have nobody to vent this to. Nobody gets it if they haven't gone through it. I try not to vent to DH because as it is he is beside himself with worry over the welfare of ss16. I get so burning mad but when I vent to DH it just gets him all stressed out because he feels there is nothing we can do.
I do tell DH all the time that peace of mind is priceless. DH will always have peace of mind that he did the right thing by ss16. DH is not perfect, but I think he is a heck of a good father.
Lily, this is why we didn't
Lily, this is why we didn't go through with trying for custody.
Last year, SD16 BEGGED to come live with us. We consulted with the best father's rights lawyer in her state, who told us we MAYBE had a 50/50 chance if we had actual proof of the physical abuse in BM's house (BM "spanked" her with a belt over fucking DOUGHNUTS and her stepfather shoves her around) AND if SD16 would testify to it in open court. It's all in my blogs from last year.
This year, we laid it on the line to SD16. She knows she has 21 more months - and we're planning a Great Escape on graduation day, 2014 - which will be BM's 40th birthday.
I feel for you, I really do.
Thanks for sharing your
Thanks for sharing your story. I understand your situation. It's good to know that we've done the best we can.