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hurt feelings

dakotamom's picture

I've been gone from home since Friday when I left for my Grandmother's funeral. when i got home neither skid said anything to me. i asked DH if they knew Gma passed - yes - he told them when they got there. i'm not asking for a card, flower, hug - i just thought a simple "sorry about your gma" wasn't too much to ask. well apparently it was. I've spend as much of the entire last week with her while she was in hospice as possible. My husband stayed behind. I was thinking of leaving him at home because I knew there would be a lot of down time and it's my family so i would want to be with them instead of hanging out at my parents house or out doing stuff around town, so i let my husband stay home. We are in the process of remodeling my kitchen with new cupboards, the entire thing has been gutted so he said he would start putting that back together while i was gone too. I overhear him on the phone with his kids thursday night saying how they're welcome to come down adn they can go out Friday and do something fun. this pisses me off. one - the house is a pit and i know DH will have to rearrange everything to accomodate them - ss17's room has become the catch all from the kitchen - it's the next closest room not in use. i had sort of arranged the boxes and drawers so i had the stuff i'd need close and on top - well Dh rearranged everything as i'd guessed so that ss17 could use his computer and get to his legos and bed. i haven't been in the room since getting back last night at 5. the kids dont have school so they're still there - trying to give them their privacy.
ss15 received a laptop for xmas with the agreement that he was to pay for $200 of it. this has not happened but he gets to use it. i was under the impression that Dh adn i would keep it hidded until paid in full because it was supposed to in Dh's words "teach him responsibility to have to pay for somethign he wanted" - yea i called it bullshit when they made the agreement and it proved to be right but i never got to say my "told you so" i actually wasn't in the mood. ss15 wasnt' able to figure out the wireless internet and DH told him to ask me as i set up all the stuff we have now - DH is tech incompetant when it comes to the computers and internet. ss15 couldnt' do that - so he asked his brother - he didnt' know - as i had hooked his up too - he said ask Dakota and she'll do it. nope. he sat right next to his dad on the couch (i was on other side of DH) and said dad can you try again to figure it out. i was pissed - i just find it disrespectful that both people in the house have todl him to ask me but he won't. i went to shower and came back and he's still not figured it out. i dont know what's wrong with it - btu i'm sure it's a simple setup problem. It's not my computer and i dont care if he uses it or not - personally i dont think he should have it in the first place but i didnt pay for it.
i've got issues with a girl at work that i've been getting projects DUMPED on from- it's not a "can you help me with this" it's in an email saying "i have a special project for you" - it's not a special project first of all - it's shit she's screwed up and i get to clean it up because i've proven to have good problem solving skills. but this is why i dont help the kid and why i wouldnt be so pissy with this lady at work - it's ALL ABOUT THE PRESENTATION OF HOW YOU ASK. one way will get you results - the other will just piss me off. i at least have teh authority at home to NOT do as hubby would like adn offer to help the kid - no - people aren't goign to call him up and see if he wants a job - he's got to go out for it and ask.
i havent' had the need to post here lately - but just something about not being able to say Sorry for your gma and can you help me with this just put me in such a piss poor mood today.
ss17 who is dating teh 15 year old has decided that going to college seems stressful so he's going to stay with his mom and stepdad vs living in a dorm. he has NOT taken a college visit to the location he's currently interested in( close to jailbait). i have quit askign him about college, i have quit helping him, i dont care that he hasn't turned in his financial aid assistance.
ss17 went to the dr for anxiety meds - his wannabe doctor/nurse mother told him it'd help him calm down about the fears about the future he was having. she let him go to the dr by himself - 17 is old enough to go alone right? well the dr prescribes him something as well as gives him samples. I dont know if they were different brands/strengths - no idea. well he tells me (before telling me he's second guessing college so i still liked him at this point) that they make him feel funny - i told him to tell his mother and dr this as it may be a side effect. come to find out - he thought the prescription was just scribble so he THREW IT AWAY and was self medicating whenever he wanted with no idea how many pills. i just dont understand how this wasn't a known thing for him....i'd like to think i was a lot more with it at that age.
i dont want this to affect my relationship with my husband, but he has to realize that those kids aren't going to turn into shit if they're not pushed just a little bit!

Comments

Anon2009's picture

I'm sorry about your grandma Sad You have every right to be upset that they didn't say anything to you about her passing. I would be too. DH should certainly do something about that. I know you cannot control how other people feel but they need to at least learn to act civilly.

dakotamom's picture

thank you. it was really tough. i was a complete wreck the day i got the call. it was good to be with family this weekend and talk about the good things. i just can't let these two kids take that away from me.

dakotamom's picture

and i thought that maybe DH just hadn't told them??? so that's when i got pissed and hurt was when he said that they DID know why i was gone. I told Dh i wasn't expecting something from them, but that i found it a little hurtful that they couldnt' even say sorry for your loss. Dh looks at me and shrugs his shoulders.

yes....(hanging head) Legos the little toys that build things. most boxes say 3+ well i geuss that still qualifies for ss At 17 years old!!! I dont get it either. DH and his parents take yearly trips to the Mall of America and the Lego Store is his favorite place to visit. this is why, between the legos and video games and i guess lack of knowledge about how the rest of the world functions (who doesn't know about a prescription slip from a dr) - is why i'm almost curious if there isn't some sort of developmental gap with this kid.

dakotamom's picture

**I keep quiet... best to not make them feel worse on accident.**

true, but I guess i would have thought a little something, even a welcome home??? instead they ignored me as if i wasnt' even there. the last time they'd been to the house was to collect their christmas "bribes".... it was probably one of the nicer weekends we'd had so i was put off at this behavior.

Zoie's picture

I'm very sorry about your grandmother. My thought and prayers are with you during this difficult time...

Hang in there....Z

bruisedpeach's picture

just wanted to say sorry for your loss.
My mom died last year and we havent even told the skids. She never met them as we live in a different country but she left money to them in a trust anyway..not much but enought that when i found out i really really cried at the thought.
we havent told them for a few reasons, but the main one being if the bm found out there was extra ££ on the scene she would probably try and get her skanky fingers on some of it.
very sad.

dakotamom's picture

that just makes me sad. the loss of your mother and still having to keep it a secret so that the BM doesn't get what your mom left to the skids. some people and their behavior is just despicable.
I'm sorry for your loss also.

bruisedpeach's picture

oh thaks, and big hugs to you also.
as we are still going thru the divorce I even had to go so far as to not transfer her life insurance into my UK bank account, for fear that I would be asked to disclose my income as me and my SO obviously Cohabit. its seriously disgusting.
my SO grandad died early last year, actually 2 weeks before my mom died. The BMs solicitor wrote a letter to ours asking about inheritance less than a month after that. classy.

sandye21's picture

Also sorry about your Gma. It is really sad that both ss have not been taught simple manners. Sometimes it is clear that treating a SM like she is invisible is purposeful. This time it appears you are dealing with social Neanderthals. Do something special just for you and make believe THEY are invisible for a while.

dakotamom's picture

thank you all so much.
see - point proven. we all have a bond of this website - some of you i recognize from other postings and some this is the first "meeting" and you all are so nice with the condolences!
skids have been in my life 4 years and they can't say shit.

Hopingforthebest's picture

So sorry about your grandmother, I think that it is AWFUL that your SK's did not even say "sorry about your gma"....

oneoffour's picture

I am so sorry for your loss. I had a set of grandparents who lived half the world away and I never met them. I think I spoke to them 2x in my entire life. But when they died (within 6 weeks of each other) I was heartbroken.

I suspect the kids are clueless. The have no social graces or even can attempt to offer condolences. And for this you put the blame at their parents feet. DH (love the man to bits but ...) and his ex enabled their older son (her 90% more than him)to get away with anything and everything. When I had guests from NZ he didn't even come over to meet them or even for a BBQ when invited. He just didn't turn up. But he waited until they were gone to ask for his gift from them. Ummm, nope. You don't get gifts from my firends if you don't turn up for a freaking week to even say hello.

When his church gave him a $500 scholarship he didn't even attend the ceremony but his mother collected the check for him.

This kid is now 20 and in a half way house learning how to be self reliant and make good decisions and not the easy ones. And this is what happens. Kids are bailed out and their behaviour is shrugged away as 'being just kids' and they are not taught how to behave or conduct themselves.

Kids need to learn the right decisions and not the easy ones.