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ss17 dating a 14y/o

dakotamom's picture

ss17 is dating a 14 year old girl. i found online by searching that this is illegal. Do i tell Dh and hope he has a conversation with ss or do i just backoff and let him deal with everything concerning his kids?
ss17 was interested earlier this year in attending a state college in the coming fall. he met a girl adn now is reconsidering going there and instead going to a local college. i have no problem with this as long as he still goes to a school. upon asking ss17 if he had contacted teh school to go on a visit he came back with a "the school called me and had to reschedule". i'm having a hard time believing this because most colleges will bend over backwards trying to get you there.
DH never went to school so he doesn't know how the game goes. i graduated college in 2005 so i'd like to consider myself still recent. bm is 40 so it's been a while for her. i'm concerned that ss17 is not goign to go to college because of this girl that may not even be around by the time he should go to college.
Dh is to teh point when i asked him to check with ss about the college visit that he snapped back about how ss didn't appreciate anythign i've done for him concerning the info i've looked up and trying to help him with student loans. he said that ss needs to now take responsibility. i agree with this but i'm worried if he's not pushed that he wont look in to it. DH said that he'll never kick his kid out on the curb but if he chooses to live with us after high school he will have to have a full time job, there will be no freeloading. i'm not sure i buy this. DH is a total pussy when it comes to his kids. he talks a good talk until he's faced with the follow through then there's always some excuse.

anyway - back to the main question..do i show Dh what i found? ss's girlfriends dad does not know ss's true age - the gf claims that her dad would freak if he knew. not sure how the dad thinks ss is driving if he isnt' at least 16.

sex between a 14 and a 17 year old/with parental permissionState:
Iowa
Question:
i know a 17 year old in a relationship with a 14 year old who has permission from her parents to be in such a relationship, the relationship is sexual in nature. is this permitted by law or is this trouble?

Answer:
This could be trouble. Parental consent does not over-ride state law.
16 is the legal age at which a minor may consent to sexual contact.

If a 17 year old is engaged in sexual contact with a 14 year old, this is a violation of state law. If reported, there is a possibility the 17 year old could be charged as an adult.

i have disengaged from the children for the most part, but i've picked up a little with ss17 trying to get him ready for college. i want the child to succeed. Dh doesn't know what to do and BM seems to lazy.

Comments

dakotamom's picture

i just dont get it. i hope DH talks to his son about it, but i have no hopes of this happening for fear that ss will quit visiting.

dakotamom's picture

married at 16?!?! you have got to be kidding me!!!

as far as keeping them away from each other- ss lives with his mother and only visits us. i dont think DH will even talk to ss about this because he'll be afraid ss will never come to visit him anymore.

Asher10's picture

i secretly dated a 17yr old when i was 14.girls are way more mature than boys at that age so the boys my age were like 10 year olds emotionally.the 17yr old fit my emotional maturity.i don't say it's ok for this to happen but i can understand when it does.i would let dh handle it. or you can make sure ss is aware of the law and let it go after that.as long as they aren't having sexual contact he's within his legal boundaries so definitely make him aware of that.and maybe the girls parents are ok with it?if they're ok with it then you bringing it up just makes you look bad.the girls dad obviously knows ss is older since ss drives so that tells me they aren't all that worried about ss's age.
if you want to bring it up just because of the college thing i think that's a bad choice.it's a manipulative way of getting ss to do what everyone wants him to do about the college issue.

dakotamom's picture

my thought was more of a "you shouldn't be doing this anyway and do you know the consequences" type of thing.

SillyGilly's picture

I think that is great you are being so generous with your time and efforts pertaining to SS's college. It sure would be nice for him to go away to school and date girls that are legal!! Anyway, I do think you should probably tell DH and the girls parents. Imagine being the parents of a teenage girl? You would want to know. THere are plenty of girls, he should be with one at least sixteen. I would encourage DH to tell SS that although she might be a lovely gal, it just isn't worth ruining your future over something that may or may not happen.

dakotamom's picture

i emailed the link as well as what it contained to DH. most likely he will delete it and never have a convo with ss about it. i get so irritated with Dh's lack of communication with his kids. at least i can say i tried right??
ss15 should be datign this girl, not ss17!!