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THE dinner meeting

Cover1W's picture

I know you are all dying to know. LOL!

So a restaurant is agreed upon and DH and I have discussed an exit plan and how to be on same page well beforehand. He seems nervous, I am surprisingly not (I look fantastic, and don't GAF). YSD13 is also coming, oddly.

We arrive first. YSD comes in waves, says hi as normal. After some delay BM comes in with OSD15 at her heels, arms crossed, almost hiding behind BM. OSD doesn't greet either of us, and physically turned from DH when he approached. She sits as far away from him as possible. 

BM starts making small talk, nothing big, we order dinner, small talk. It is unremarkable really. YSD is her normal self, sitting next to me. Not once do I address OSD directly. I talk only when needed. OSD remains sullen, making teenager comments now and then.  I do catch her telling YSD that her high school is better because of "x" ( I have been concerned OSD is influencing YSD for some time and now I'm certain... I did tell DH and he is mad at OSD and says he's to talk with BM about it).

OSD looks bad. She's not the cute teen that left. Her hair is dull and dry, pale splotchy face, puffy. I think her poor diet and lack of exercise is showing.

Anyway, we finished eating and OSD tells BM to get the check. BM leaves. OSD then assertively says, "I have something important to tell you about myself. I am bisexual." This gets a shrug from DH and I. 

I realized THIS is why we are there. It's her '''coming out" announcement!!!! Nothing to do with reconciliation but all to do about OSD!

She then almost flatly turns down DH when he says he would like her to come to our home for a weekend next month. She then practically runs to BMs car, no goodbye at all. 

DH is ok but I can tell he is pissed. He said if she doesn't come for a weekend then there's no way she's coming on the trip because how can he know she will be ok with him for ten days. Exactly! 

I think it's more likely she will not be going with us.

And I could give a toss about her sexuality because a jerk is a jerk.


Lndsy747's picture

Wow how absurd that you got called to eat dinner together over such a non issue. I'd be irritated that I wasted so much of my time over stupid stuff if I was DH. How would it even matter to him if she refuses to come over. Very narcissistic indeed.

I think DH needs to set some expectations if he still wants her on the trip. He should let her know that this is a family vacation and that he'd love to have her but if she can't act like family then she's not invited. I wonder if she really even wants to go out of BM just wants her to go since it's a free vacation.

Cover1W's picture

I have been discussing the expectation thing with DH for months! He was not to buy a ticket for her until those were in place and discussed. But he bought them and now has to deal. And it's half of  why I am refusing to pay a cent for anything to do with OSD. 

I thought about how BM has had no break for almost a year. It would be to her benefit to have 10 days kid free for sure!

I wasn't too annoyed about the wasted time cause it was a free meal out, and DH and I went out for dessert and a glass of bubbly after.

susanm's picture

If she doesn't want to talk to him or spend any time with him, I don't see why she thought it was "important" for him to know this piece of information about her.  Perhaps she was hoping for some sort of negative reaction so that she had justification for continuing to avoid him?  But obviously she did not get it.  Good for your DH for not playing into the teen angst.

thinkthrice's picture

It's like the alcoholic or the cheater that picks a fight with their spouse as an excuse to drink more or storm out and meet their affair partner.

Harry's picture

Can take OSD on a trip if she not talking to your DH.  Or wants nothing to do with any of you.  Why does your DH wants the trip from he**.  it’s going to be, OSD trying to pick a fight all the time.  You Having to think about every word you can say be cause it may offend OSD.  Given enough time I think you will offend her and she wii cause he**

Cover1W's picture

Oh, I know this.  We've been throught it which is why I am not planning this trip, not spending $ on OSD for it (even if she goes, he pays all), AND I will not engage with her unless absolutely necessary. 

I think he's trying to buy her back.

Even DH's sister told me that she hopes OSD doesn't come.

Fun times!

strugglingSM's picture

I hope your DH sees the light and agrees that OSD joining you on your trip would be a bad idea. Stinks that he bought the ticket, but she shouldn't be allowed to ruin your trip. 

Also, why does she think anyone would care that she was bisexual...she's 15! Weird that BM didn't have anything to say about the fact that OSD no longer visits her dad. Is she still required under the CO to visit? BM could get herself into trouble if she doesn't put in any effort. 

Very strange indeed. 

Cover1W's picture

DH and I have been over the fact that the custody agreement is being ignored.  One issue is that it's impossible to force OSD to our home because she can take transit and get herself around where she wants.  And DH will not spend thousands on a lawyer.  AND we've had numerous convos about BM and her support of OSD above all else.  She's clearly PASing OSD and likely YSD as well.  DH doesn't want to see it.  He has called BM out on her lack of parenting but she has pretty much said she doesn't want to upset OSD...she lets OSD do what she wants pretty much, OSD kind of runs that household.  She's an entitled kid who is a bit of a bully; no one wants to cross her (but for me).

The layers of strangeness run deep.  That's why I try to stay out of this whole situation.  DH isn't getting a ton of feedback from me at this point.  Mostly "that's nice" or "that's interesting" or "good luck with that."