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And on it goes

Disillusioned's picture

So YSD mentions to DH that OSD is hosting an event for osgs in May, when YSD is here. Of course everyone is invited except DH & I. Which is fine because under the circumstances DH doesn't want to go anyway

But the fact that YSD made sure we knew about it, reminds me of the tactics OSD uses and has certainly used in the past

Angriliy walks out of our life to get back at DH

Then starts making sure DH hears about everyting that's going on in her life/sgkids lives, second-hand of course through others, just so he knows what he's missing

This tells me that she really doesn't want DH out of her life, just jealously wants to be the #1 person in his life and is punishing him because she isn't getting her way

The next thing YSD tells us is that she's holding a birthday party for sgd (YSD is) and that she's holding it the same day that OSD is holding the event for osgs

I also figured someting like that would happen LOL... that OSD will try to find a way to punish DH more by insuring the events are held same day one after another so that if DH is not invited to osgs's event he will most likely not come to sgd's event, or, he will show for that one, and then OSD, SIL and BM can continue their intentional hurtful behavior to stick it to DH, and make me feel unwelcome, unliked and generally humiliated

DH of course told YSD that we won't be going to sgd's birthday party, but we look forward to seeing YSD and her family coming to visit us when she's here

I have a funny little feeling that as the date gets close, YSD is going to suddenly say she doesn't have enough time, something came up yada yada...anything to make sure that DH doesn't get his way and get to avoid all the conflict, and see YSD and her family in peace

So he'll be forced to either attend the party and see everyone there and put up with more nonsense, or not see anyone, which OSD would love

Will be interesting to see what happens from here!

somethingwicked's picture

These people are hateful ,manipulative and weird. They have nothing better to do than plot to hurt their father /brother. You were never really the target ,I think,but a means to their end .They were setting their sights on him it appears.

Hard to   imagine what the hell a typical day of theirs must be where they sit around plotting to hurt  others AND their own children. Evil aholes.

All of them are toxic ~ YSD as well.

Keep your distance. Plan a nice vacation for you and DH  on those exact dates ~maybe a  2week cruise . Don't bother sharing anything about your plans ,either because EVERYTHING you say or do will be twisted and used against you both.

I'd stay busy and far away from those aholes.

 

Disillusioned's picture

It would appear that way somethingwicked, and that's a good plan of yours Smile

DH's birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks, and I'm sure there is going to be some sort of nonsense around that..fortunately we've already made plans and are going to have a wonderful time, all of his nasty family not part of it 

 

tog redux's picture

Well, if OSD and YSD are colluding on how to make DH miserable, he should just distance from both of them.

Let YSD know he is on to the game, and while he doesn't expect her to choose sides, he won't tolerate her being OSD's flying monkey.  Then let her go.

I know it's hard for him that he's got such crappy kids, my DH deals with that let-down all the time in regard to SS19.  But he can't let any of them abuse him anymore, including YSD.

Disillusioned's picture

I hope this isn't the case with YSD...it's hard to tell although I do at times have my suspicions. 

DH on the other hand, would never for a moment think YSD is in on it...guess we'll just have to wait and see

sandye21's picture

YSD must know DH and you are not invited.  Would you tell a friend about a party where they know the hosts but wasn't invited?  It's just pure sadistic meanness - even on YSD's part.  Take a sabbatical from this B.S. and invite DH along to have fun, minus the skids.

Disillusioned's picture

The other interesting thing she did sandye is tell DH that OSD just had some beautiful professional pictures taken of sgkids, and one in particular that was taken after the professional shots turned about amazing, and that she (YSD) was going to send it to us

Now I find that a bit strange because YSD sends us lots of pictures of sgd (YSD's daughter) but not usually of OSD's children, so it did make me wonder why, unless she just thought DH wouldn't get to see it, anyway but DH is used to that

Sadly, the affect it had on DH was tough, he looked at the picture (you can see already they look more grown up after only 3 months) and he started crying Sad

I felt like slapping both SD's at that point!

sandye21's picture

Yes, this IS sadistic.  It probably makes you feel like taking a photo of you and DH happily spending time with each other instead of going to the SGkids Birthday Party and sending it to YSD.  Just throwing it out there for you to think about.

 

Rags's picture

A quick flight to Bermuda or Key West, great pics with happy GrandPa on the beach, then plaster them all over social media and pin all of the StepSpawn.  

"Sorry we missed the GSkids party, but.. no invitation frees us up to have some fun of our own!  See ya sometime if we can fit ya'll in to our schedule."

Exjuliemccoy's picture

One characteristic these dysfunctional families share is a lack of normal structure and healthy boundaries. This is demonstrated by your SIL being a sister-mom to OSD and YSD acting as a go between. Very unhealthy stuff, IMO.

Your DH needs to shut that behavior down and explain to YSD that he loves her, but given the circumstances feels it's both healthy and necessary to keep these relationships quite separate. Direct and firm, because YSD is indeed operating as a winged monkey for the Twisted Sisters and needs boundaries, boundaries, BOUNDARIES.

Curious Georgetta's picture

which is on the same day as the other celebration. The moral conundrum for the OP's husband is does his anger towards the parent of one grandchild make him willing to forego participation in events to celebrate another grandchild.

It is not an easy or enviable spot to be in at a time when grand children become particularly meaningful in the lives of grand parents.

His younger daughter will have to accept the fact that her father has made the decision to absent himself from any family event that celebrates her child because of actions over which neither she nor her child have any control.

All of these people feel validated in the decisions that they have made. All will miss opportunities and experiences that they can never recapture.

Sometimes what appears to be a win can be a truly regrettable loss. There are no winners in this sad situation.

Disillusioned's picture

Based on the history of other 'joint family celebrations' I'm suspicious about the hidden agendas

There have been far too many in the past that started off as a 'public' event which natually involved DH and BM at the same get together along with a bunch of other people and then turned into a small intimate 'family event' involving only DH and his immediate family such as father, sister, daughters, grandkids and his wife (me) but somehow the ex-wife was the only other person there as well 

Not appropriate

And then all the games from SIL and OSD involving BM that always followed at the 'family' event, obviously deliberately aimed at making DH feel guilty and uncomfortable, and me unwelcome, unliked and embarrassed

I'm not sure yet if YSD willingly and knowingly participated in setting these up, or just innocently did whatever OSD, BM and SIL organized

But DH & I sure are happy to be able to avoid these situations now!

SacrificialLamb's picture

My YSD just visited here last weekend, and the same old thing.  Your YSD and mine are just flying monkeys for their narcissistic sisters. 

Lots of pretending to be really nice and interested in what we are doing (she comes to spy on us, really, since OSD has been punishing DH for years for no longer bowing down to her). Darts around from topic to topic quickly and then innocently drops pieces of info about OSD, BM, hoping DH will latch on and be curious. He isn't.

I see YSD taking pics of me across the room, when I am walking around the pool in a swimsuit, and I know they are going directly to OSD.  OSD values appearances above all else, and my appearance vs hers is just another area for competition.

This past weekend I played in a very nice orchestral concert (I am a musician).YSD attended with DH.  I filmed it for my mother, who is ill and housebound. YSD said she wanted to see the link on Youtube after I uploaded it (it's unlisted so you can't search for it). I sent it to her yesterday and no one else to see what would happen. 23 views by the end of the day and YSD texted me back she wouldn't have time to look at it until today. So where did the 23 views come from? YSD probably immediately forwarded it to OSD, BM, SIL. "Look what SM is doing."  This is a pattern.   All they do is talk about other people, what they are doing, what is wrong with them, how they are superior.  (And YSD even made a point over the weekend how she didnt' like people like that! LOL).

Every event is a new opportunity for drama. I admit I am curious how things pan out, but DH and I are getting along better than ever, having a good time, and DH is not giving up his happy life and to appease his middle aged children who need to be the center of attention.

 

Rags's picture

Though not to the same level as you deal with, my SIL has similar issues with my wife.  She goes silent when she is on the verge of yet another foreclosure on her home and then when she crawls out from under her rock she gets all keep up with the Joneses with my wife.

We put one of our homes on the market on Saturday. It is in a gated community and is lake front.  My SIL linked the listing to a bunch of her friends.  No comment just her usual attempt to badmouth my very successful and beautiful bride to the toothless loser redneck moron system that SIL orbits within.     My ILs and SIL's posse live 5 States away and has never put eyes on the home we are selling   

SIL bitches to her friends that my DW is spoiled, "rich", and goes on how it isn't fair, wahhhhhhhh.   No mention of DW's journey from single teen mom to dual major undergrad, MBA, CPA highly successful professional.  Interestingly some of the people SIL tries to recruit to her revisionist subversive crap towards my wife are my wife's friends and only have anything to do with the IL clan because of my wife.

It pisses me off to no end and eventually I have to tune my SIL to knock her crap off.  Nobody likes it when I have to tune SIL.

It upsets my wife and that is when I have to step in.

 

Disillusioned's picture

Wow Rags, your SIL sounds like a real winner (not) but good for you for defending your wife. Sounds like you two have done well and there's clearly some jealousy brewing...! 

Hope all goes well with the house!!

Dovina's picture

sounds like your u tube video went viral in stepland. 

Disillusioned's picture

Sacrificial, wow, okay you could have just written my story! 

But you know this, you're living it for sure

Yes your YSD sounds very much like mine...actually your DH does too LOL

My OSD could care less what's going on in my life I think, unless it's something she considers to be a failure or went badly for me, then yes I'm sure she's all ears. With that said, yes I do think they 'spy' on what happening with DH & I and I'm sure information is going back and forth via YSD Sad

SacrificialLamb's picture

I believe my OSD is overwhelmed with curiosity on what DH and I are doing, but she doesn't want to appear interested, so YSD does the sleuthing and reporting back. She even tries to get her son to ask DH what we have been up to. Sad.  But she is using the gkids as pawns to punish DH, so I am not surprised.

If I have been doing something well and not "failing" at something, OSD is sure to start posting all over FB about how wonderful and perfect her life is, and what a great mother she is. 

She is probably never heard the saying that "Comparison is the Thief of Joy".   Me failing at something doesn't make her any better; me succeeding does not diminish her.  She's doing a great job of that all by herself.  When my father got divorced from my long-time SM, it was immediately all over DH's family.  They just have nothing better to do.

Disillusioned's picture

Sacrificial, your SD sounds very competitive. Wow that's just crazy. She needs to just let go and try to enjoy her own life, and allow you to enjoy yours!

somethingwicked's picture

You have your own speshul nest of a$$holes.

Your personal success in your life and the reclaimed happiness in your marriage  from the strong boundaries that your DH is maintaining by keeping those nosey manipulative skids out of the parts of your private lives that they have no ingress and never should or will in future  is all the "revenge" required .

Living the best life IS the best revenge. Enjoying that life and not allowing them  access to trespass is the best revenge. Focusing your engergies on you,your DH  as he shows he values his chosen life partner and will not tolerate disrespect from toxic spawn and ignoring the skids when  they can't get a clue that they are no longer in control of any effing thing that has to do with you, your husband ,your home, your lives. 

That is why disengagement is such an invaluable tool.

You can taper or expand ,modify how much or little you require to keep YOUR peace in your life and the idiots at bay depending upon how you disengage. My (ex) skids,as you know are 100% out of our lives as that is what they required .

That is how they acted  and that is what they got from me and their father. Removed from our lives through exclusion.

The HC Toxic Skids are like criminal gangs.

They want the old fashioned "cosa nostra " revenge where the SM is cut to ribbons,the DADDEE is made to feel oh so guilty and punished  for betraying by the skids standards and  screwed up ideal of the Defunct  First Holy Sacred Family ;and the whole marriage gets burned to the ground ~after  SM finds a bloody horse head in her bed ,of course ~if the skids  are not being pandered to and worshipped. 

If it doesn't work to their advantage and way  then they are shocked ! Totally  nonplussed as to WHY is SM not talking to us?

Why is Daddeee not calling and chasing us? NEVER will they have or acquire insight into their OWN  inability to act/react or engage in a normal societal expectation .NEVER will they see themselves as having control ,jealousy ,(unannounced) competition and enmeshed issues.

Adults do not get a pass over  their awful ,manipulative  bullshit drama causing  actions.

Little kids,yeah,teens even. But 20,30 40 something?Hell No.

 

Disillusioned's picture

Wow somethingwicked....that sums things up LOL. A lot of what you say makes sense and I particularly like the part about skids not being allowed to run me, my home, my life, my husband. Funny how they think they're entitled to do that isn't it? And don't even get me started on my SIL

Boggles my mind how far out of it their train of thought and deeds really are!

2nd wives club's picture

Lots of pretending to be really nice and interested in what we are doing

That must be in the offical flying monkeys handbook! MIL does that too, asking about my family so she can spread the good/bad gossip. Is the head dead yet? lol

SacrificialLamb's picture

Read up on narcissism and flying monkeys. Narcissists like flying monkeys to do their dirty work for them.

somethingwicked's picture

Narcs like those flying monkeys . Narcs employ fools because  they , narcs , are so manipulative and lack empathy ,compassion OR real guts.They can't do their own dirty deeds. So they weaponize their stupid avatars who also lack guts and love kissing narc asses because they think it will garner them  stars in the Good Book or something.LOL

Yeah. It is the Inverted Ice Cream Cone Paradigm in Narc World . The Narc ,who is ruler over their minions,  expects to have their sainted narc a$$ licked  and so has everyone from the bottom to the tippy top following orders and the creepy toxic commands and ,of course, constantly licking. No Thank You. I like mint chocolate chip ~ not the taste of narc A$$.

 

Disillusioned's picture

Hmmmmm...that description sounds a little like my boss too haha, scary!! *lol*