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Update to my "Angry" post

CLove's picture

So - firstly:

Thanks to all for your comments and support. It really helped me to be able to have clarity.

Secondly - for whatever reason, and I think I know what it is, but for whatever reason DH has been falling over himself to please me.

Thirdly, SD13 has also been falling over herself to please me.

Im like "aha all it takes is for cLove to get absolutely p!ssed off, go silent but deadly with this anger, and everyone will FINALLY give her the appreciation and consideration that she has been needing all this time!"

DH told me yesterday after work that Munchkin was beside herself and "practically in tears" because for some odd reason cLove was upset with her...and she didnt know why. Dh told her "well thats between you and her and you need to talk to her."

Which she never did, but she DID hug me as she was getting ready to take her things to the new place, and she DID send me a REALLY nice message this morning telling me about times for her concert and that she hopes I have a really wonderful day.

How to bring up discussion? She is now "doing her time" with Toxic Troll BM and Feral Forger SD20, in the new apartment (hmmmm Ive read that falsifying income is grounds for eviction....said in the voice of the Grinch...)

I figured out the root of my frustration and anger. It started with my frustration of her being lazy and never helping me out, when I give and help and buy and do for her. Then it moved into me getting attached and "poof! times up" and she toddles off to momma. Finally it grew into anger and frustration that I cannot talk about and express my anger and frustration, because it leads to me being treated like I am this mean, horrible step-monster and poor little snowflake will cry her big tears, and then daddeeee will get angry with me because I hurt preshus snowflake, and momeeee will send her nasty ho-bag trashy texts full of hate and tell dadeee that he will LOSE Munchkin just like he LOST feral forger. All because of mean horrible abusive cLove.

I get MAD just thinking about the past dynamics reaching its ugly arm into my present and future..

Comments

futurobrillante99's picture

You're a good, kind and loving person. You want to give and show love to people. It's not in your nature to be aloof, ungenerous or guarded with your love.

Problem is that when you are YOURSELF, they take you for granted. I can't advocate that you change who you are, BUT, I would encourage you to direct all that love and generosity towards yourself, first, and then to other, more worth or appreciative people. Be you, but don't keep giving and giving to jerks.

I know you love your DH, but he's been a right giant jerk and so has Munchkin.

You shouldn't have to be pissed for people to appreciate you and you should have a more apprecative outlet for your good nature. Then, have a policy that you will do for your DH and Munchkin only as it suits you and with no expectation of appreciation or aknowledgment. You'll be happier, I promise.

CLove's picture

Thank you very much futuro - youve been around my "story" as it has evolved. Things are better - I have to hit people over the head with a hammer sometimes. I had to tell DH that I NEED to be free to discuss the hard things with him. His response? You always want to discuss the SAME things this whole almost 6 years. My response was "well, because YOU DONT LISTEN and NOTHING HAS BEEN RESOLVED"

Yup. As sweet as she has been, she has been a giant jerk and its never been discussed and resolved. Im still upset about her going crying about my discussions with her wrt to "the kids should ALWAYS come first" and how I tried to explain that our marriage should come first so we can be strong and there for YOU".

She gets it now, but just that one instance caused all kinds of drama and accusations. And all the others too...the walking on eggshells around her that drives me crazy.

Yes, Ive been devising ways to go do me.

Thanks again, and Im glad you are sticking around to share your wisdome.

futurobrillante99's picture

((Hugs)) CLove.

Can you have some fun with this new found appreciation? Can you "stay mad" a little longer, please? Your DH might be better, but I am really pissed at him flying off the handle to you recently. It was 100% uncalled for. Can you please just play the Grinch for a while longer? LOL

One great thing you did for yourself was getting a job. I remember that. Now, it's time to add things that give you a thrill all on your own. Try something new or go back to something you know makes you really happy - and don't let ANYONE encroach on your time with you.

I think when people like your DH and SD see you trying so hard, they take you for granted. But once you start investing in yourself I guarantee they will take notice and be drawn to you. And all those old, worn out issues that have never been resolved? Let your DH see you making YOU a priority and I think he might be more willing to and curious about discussing subjects if you're generally happy with yourself. If you're non chalant but firm about your boundaries where they've been trampled before, he might take notice without needing to rehash a bunch of "old" stuff.

CLove's picture

Ive always ascribed to the concept of "if I cannot get straight to it, Ill catapualt over it, where there is a cLove there is a way" kind of thing.

Thinking about what you presented, makes me want to just take the day off, not tell anyone and go for a hike on the coast...

futurobrillante99's picture

That would be so brilliant!!

I effed off to NYC for the day the day after my birthday. I love disappearing and just being alone in my head, doing exactly what I want to. It energizes me!

If escaping for a hike on the coast energizes you, I hope you'll do it. Then don't volunteer that information. Not saying to lie or hide it, but maybe wait until someone asks, but be vague. It's nice to have experiences that are ours alone. Nobody has to know every detail - not even your DH.

Maybe there's an errand you can run on your way. That's what you did. The hike could be yours alone.

ESMOD's picture

I think it might be helpful if you work on being an advocate for yourself and your own needs, wants and frustrations before you reach the tipping point of your anger.  If you need for Munchkin to be a bit more self entertaining because you have a lot on your plate.. tell her before she has a chance to bug you ever 10 minutes. You can do it nicely. 

Hey, Munchkin,  I have a billion things going on this week and really need to concentrate.  Can you try to make a point of only interrupting me if you have a serious need or it's an emergency.  You know I love you but I just need to have some peace and quiet time to get things done this week.

Siemprematahari's picture

CLove you have a kind heart and trust me people will take advantage of it, if given he opportunity. Please know your greatest and don't allow yourself to get so consumed by other people and their problems that you lose yourself in the process. You have to value yourself in order for others to do so, and if they don't well you already know where you stand. 

Live this life for you CLove. Do the things you love and enjoy that make your soul happy. Heck if you don't take care of you, who the heck is?

Much love to you!