A little update, a little venting, some cold reality as well as some flat out grouchieness for dessert.
So, its been a little bit of time, and Sd16 yr 2.5 months B/M still has not gotten another job (recall I got her a super way easy job selling a sauce at a farmers market that she did with Toxic Troll, but that somehow went away), she lazed away the whole summer, sometimes going to the cold beach with her friend whose parents are living out of a hotel (yep smh) and well, she spent 4 weeks doing summer school, and got a b, luckily because she tried to finish it at midnight of the last day and boo hoo the system locked her out for some reason.
So, still no real repercussions. They SHOULD have said "nope", because she spent almost next to no time on it and still couldnt be bothered to finish and she took it because the d from deciding not to complete the last assignment. But whatever, not my deal and not my pickle. Things will eventually "get real" and then no sympathy from me at all.
And now here we are and only 2 more school years to go, the true countdown begins - 1 year and 9 months and then...what? With her current pathway I do not see any indpendent launching, I dont really see a college launch (maybe CC) and that leads me to the next update/vent...
I helped her sign herself up for driving permit online class, with her money from job I helped her get...and she tells me that shes on chapter 10 out of 11. That was before summer started right after she turned 16 in May...so I guess not that bad, its good for 8 months, so 6 more to go...before she has to start all over again. And this time, no appealing to the teachers, no crying to whomever, because at this point shes "laming out of" it.
I figure, if shes not mature enough to get a permit, shes not mature enough to drive! Easy! And if she turns 18 and still no driving, well I can imagine she will have to figure out a new excuse..and no more repercussions of Toxic Troll if I say something. And the driving will necessitate a car provided by Husband, and insurance provided by husband, so needless to say it would necessitate a job, and I keep hearing "noises" about looking. The job market for workers is still super super hot, like scalding HOT. Minimum 17$ hourly going up to 24$. But still crickets chirping is louder than anything Im hearing about a j-o-b.
So, it really irks me, that at the age of 16 plus 2 months, I dont see any progress towards these two very important milestones towards increase of independance. And now the whole question of "she hits 18 and graduates in 1 year 9 months and then..."
It irks me that she will do a chore that shes supposed to do anyway, and gets 20 bucks to go to the movies. And has minimal chores (do your own dishes, pick up dog doo one day out of the 7) and still manages to spend all her visitation time on the phone in her room or at her mothers doing whatever and comes back with super bleached hair. And I cook and she pops her head out and shovels my food onto HER plate. Like shes 12, and not 16. I was super grouchy last night. I made a fish plate at a late hour, and thats when she suddenly needs a second dinner. So, grouchy pants came out and that irks husband. oooohhhh welllllll! Which is why I rarely cook when Child is there. She generally eats leftovers and scraps by herself anyway. I figured out finally that she doesnt necessarily WANT to eat dinner with us at the dinner table together. She will be silent and sulk and pout. I learned that is called Toxic Passivity. So now we just let her know its ready and she can choose when to eat as long as she cleans up.
I didnt have an issue with that when she would come out sometime between 8-9:30 but somehow anytime after 9:30 irks me. Im just an old grouch I guess. For me, if Im going to work for it, shop for it, prepare and cook it, I want anyone else to join me if they are at all interested in eating it, and Id think some appreciation wouldnt be too far off also.
Otherwise, these little things aside, all is much better. I have developed a solid group of awesome women (some men too) and go out a lot to live music and local events. SD16 needs to figure out her own social life, I am no longer taking her places, no lunches, or salon, or shopping, its all for me now and it feels grand. Ive started hiking and have been invited to hiking club. Ive been called 'inspirational" and "bada$$". Husband does his fishing, and SD either goes with friends or stays home like she normally does on a daily basis. I told her many times that I would support her if she got a job and help her out. But...crickets and beach and hair bleach...ok, I am chasing my tail on this topic.