Chicken Ch!t aka Home on the Range
Its been a full week since SD18 Princess Powersulk Do Nada (PPDN) has been a "graduate". Even though technically visitation ends, she went through the weekend at her mothers place, and Tuesday she "decided" that if Husband "wanted her to" she would come on over. ermmmmok.
I enjoyed a peaceful weekend. So uneventful I dont quite recall what was done...
Then this week starting Tuesday, she was at our house in her room, doing idk - NOTHING. She took off last night, Friday night, idk, SOMEWHERE. I asked husband if she was going to be coming back that night, because you know I walk around naked sometimes. He looked at me like I had grown two heads. In his mind - and his daughters apparently - 18 means no accountability for whereabouts, come and go whenever because you have a key and dont need a ride home. Sometime before she came home to our house, a teen(?) male came by our house and delivered an electric looking guitar (base?). I havent heard any playing and no discussions have been conducted about playing music here, and I definnitely NOT bringing anything up AT ALL, so there you have it folks...
I took some advice given, and havent mentioned ANYTHING to her. Hi, goodbye, goodnight and good morning. I never had "the discussion" with her, as I had wanted, accepting the advice that it would just end badly for me as it always has in the past with any of them. I also have not "followed" up with my original offer to get her to DMV and pay for picture Id, or passport. And no ca$h was given. Sadly my mother bday card hasnt arrived either. Lets see how I do through this weekend folks. Im always in trepidation, because husband always goes into conflict mode when it comes to PPSDN, and I know SOMETHING is going to happen, as much as I try to mute my opinions and needs. Oh, and her piercings look terrible. Two huge barbell things, going through the top lip on each side, down through and out. I havent mentioned them AT ALL. You know why.
Oh and Wednesday night we got a chicken. Its an old German Breed nicknamed Death Layer, a play on wordss in German. Husband named it Juanita after his dear departed mother, because according to Princess Do Nada, the feathers are round edged indicating a female. Yeah the expert on dodging responsibility (New Name Opp = Artful Dodger Do Nada!!!) knows aaaaaaaalllllll about poultry. The chicken followed a friend around and posted on facecrack if anyone wanted her and here we are. Shes in a large wire cage. I told husband no, and he went ahead anyway. I told husband he is completely responsible for her, and he is to buy any and all supplies. Our ag town has different places for farm supplies so that wasnt a problem. He got himself to the store and got the chicken feed and water dispenser, and they have been hanging in the garage watching tv together until juanita decides to take a dump on him, then its back to the cage she goes.
I cant help myself, she IS very very cute, with her little baby like chirpings. She allows us to cuddle and pet her and follows us around exploring the backyard that Ive been working on really hard the past few months.
This morning, Saturday, Juanita started crowing like a rooster, very softly. I couldnt help but chuckle. No eggs for us...Jaunita has become Juan.
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No eggs for us...Jaunita has
LOL Good thing I had put my drink down.
Can you legally have a rooster on your property? The city rules here allow us to keep four chickens, but no roosters.
Last of the Wild West in urban jungle
Where we live, its pretty much dont ask dont tell and everyone keep to themselves, and anything goes.
A neighbor a few streets over has a rooster, but I havent heard him lately. Ill maybe check the city ordinances, maybe not and let husband figure it all out for a change, or PPDN can research it for him.
Glad you put your drink down (can you make that a double, Im abstaining right now...) LOL. We had a good chuckle over that. Husband is not as inclined if there arent eggs involved, and once he gets that hes going to have to do some work (oh wait PPDN needs pocket money!) and it starts to inconvenience him, I think that Juan will be rehomed...
Take deep breaths
Clove, I know we all have these fantasies where, magically, the stepchild turns 18, graduates then launches and our problens are over. Take it from me as a mother of 2 and stepmother of 3, it just doesn't happen that way.
She apparently feels like your home is also hers, that's good even tho I know you want to repurpose her room. She's living her 18yo life after graduating. Its summer, she's going out, that's good, too. A male friend dropped a musical instrument off? That's good, too, shows she has male friends.
You know and I know there are many adult things she should do: job, drivers license, passport, etc. I promise that anything you do to forward any of this will come to a bad end for you. If she asks for help, that's different but she isnt.
Try to enjoy the summer. Enjoy Juan. Take deep breaths. She will mature on her own timetable.
Thank you dear Lady
I will take those deep breaths and enjoy the precious moments that I have. You too!
The kitty curled up next to me, the clucking chirps of Juan, the silence of DO NOTHING.
The resentment comes up in bubbles, and I will try to divert that energy into the positives (like why do I go to work, slave for 8 plus hours, then come home to a dirty house and clean for two hours while PPDN "matures" all day not helping and taking up space in the home I work to pay for... going out whenever and living her best life?) Positives.....like Im going to spend some of husbands money on a festival that I enjoy with music and good food (artichokes!) and maybe do some dancing
Edited to add - id be paying for the house anyways, and I havent bought any food or any supplies or done anything extra for her...so, she can lazy up and its REALLY not affecting me...
I hate to tell you...
I hate to tell you that what she's doing and what you feel are normal, or at least it was normal here. I can so clearly remember being happy to go to work each day since it meant leaving the house and the 5 kids and all their mess and issues. Could anything I could have done make any difference? Sometimes I think if I'd stayed a SAHM, such-and-such wouldn't have happened or I could have done something differently. But, probably the only thing that would have happened is me sliding back into depression.
As I think back, I remember my mom when I was your SD's age. How disappointed she must have been. That summer, all I wanted to do was be with my handsome, sexy bf, later my ex. College? I had zero desire. I was working a clerical job, turning down any promotion that might have required extra hours, didn't want to take time from my social life. I felt the same intense disappointment in my DD, busy going out every night with her bff to a shady bar and coming in at all hours.
yeah but...
theres always a yeah but, right?
yeah but SHES NOT MY KID. At this point its a househsaring stich with that extra person not pulling their weight.
For me, I had already been working each and every weekend unless it was raining for the past 4 years. By 18 I went to a second job, and started community college that fall because my parents were insisting and pushing for college. All I wanted to do was also hang out with my friends and meet boys...
ive never had the opportunity to be a sahm, always just the worker bee with none to little vacations.but definitely appreciate where you are coming from about the ability to escape...sounds like you need one right about now...?
just because she's dropping
just because she's dropping the ball you don't have to pick it up and toss it back. whenever possible leave her mess. let Daddy enjoy her lack of drive. someone's going to pay for her to have her super awesome smmer of being a sand slug, like you said she's not your kid. just keep it in, vent it here and make sure you do tons of fun things you can afford, (and do not offer to pay for anything for sluggy, because you're an adult w/ a job. sooner or later Daddy's going to get tired of supporting and cleaning up after his precious slug.
Barnical And Slug Saturday, lol
If you could only see it! Husband comes home with a plant (all excitement), a lounge chair, and Barnical Buddie carrying a six pack of beer...sluggy is in her room with her silent electric guitar.
I am going to water my plants, clean the cat box and go check out some jade and 'chokes. Wish you could come with me!
Husband is cheapo
Sluggy is a girl and in these parts that means the gallantry of male friends with money comes into play too. So I expect her to be floated for a little while at least. No more birthdays or graduations looming...lol.
Am going to be noticable absent on my day tripping...in my suv packed to the gills.
Yes, thank you I will continue venting a 'plenty while husband figures out his cooping sitch.
even the dumbest of boyman
even the dumbest of boyman get tired of bringing the wallet to the date. she hasn't made changes in herself that would keep a suitor at her beck and call.
I wsh I could come with too. This is our summer of meh! but surgery is 24 days out and I'm ready for it!!
Didnt make it out today but theres always later
Got tired.
Theres always tomorrow...
it's a new day, just remember
it's a new day, just remember you do not have to hang w/ the slugs. if they don't want to do anything, you head out for a shopping trip, a early lunch, a trip to the garden store, etc.
A New (gray) Day
And feeling groovy.
Husband has called the person who he got Juan from and agreed to drop him off ASAP. The crowing woke us both out of some nice deep sleep and dreaming.
Ive got energy since Ive been on a health kick/life shift.
Going for a hike sounds fab for today after jade and chokes. Ealry morning hikes are nice but cut into the day, and evening (since its longer days) are a nice way to ease into the end of day. New shifting and new energy.
LOL@Juanita turning into Juan
LOL @ Juanita turning into Juan!
I feel for you, girl. My husband's son is 20 and not even close to driving, getting a job or having friends. I also thought that once he turns 18 we'd be done with him, but my husband keeps supporting him financially because "he's in school". He's on his horizontal throne playing video games most of the time, but what can I say. I don't understand this generation, when I was 18 I couldn't wait to leave my parents house, get a job, a car and be independent. Now we raise leeches, that's what we do.
I was the same. As kids we
I was the same. As kids we were always outside or all together playing games. As a teen we (most of us) had paper routes (I am paper route old) or babysitting or yard work or jobs at the mall. As soon as we hit 18 we were working towards being on our own.
Of course, we only had three tv channels, one phone line, no internet let alone computers, we had atari but it was meh! We didn't have a reason to hide out in our parents houses doing nothing. Now-a-days kids as young as 5 have a better phone than I do.
Im Falcon Crest Old
It was just getting popular when I was ready to fly the coop (more chicken for you!) and got my first non-swap meet job making pizza and washing dishes. Then I advanced my career into a kob in a clothing store at the mall. Drove myself even! AT 19 I was driving, had a solid year in clothing sales, retail sales and started JC in business.
I just wonder what is going to happen when no more safety net?
"I just wonder what is going
"I just wonder what is going to happen when no more safety net?"
I wonder when that safety net ends, though? His mother is 50 and never had a real job/carrier - she's always been "in school" and someone had to always support that. For 20+ years it was my husband, now is her elderly mother. She's now one of those "doctors", that have zero medical degree and no actual job. Something healing or holistic crap, a thing that you stay home and pretend to own the world. A complete loon. Their son is definitely going same route. He's in college but not full time and now has the whole summer off as the previous two he had. Getting a job? Nada. In our state we have one of the most amazing grocery stores that offer great benefits and opportunity for teenagers. "It will hurt my body". WTF?! Ummm I'm sorry, little gentle snowflake, this is freaking life. My body cries every single morning, yet I have to get up and go to work. This is how it works.
Instead, mom and dad let him lie around, because poor thing is too smart to have an actual job. "When he graduates, he's going work what he majored in". When he graduates, he'd supposedly majored in saving the lakes, hummingbirds, and bulrush flowers. I don't want to underestimate anyone's job, but please, give me a break. Even for that job you have to most likely leave your bed. And he is too depressed and anxiety is too much and life is so hard on him or...You know, all that.
My husband likes to brag like a herald about how smart his son is and how he got a well paid internship. Then he spends money on paying for orientations and crap for his son in another state, only to turn out that - "Oh, I didn't understand. They offered the internship, but he has to apply for it" and most likely earn it amongst all the real smart kids out there. Kids who'd actually get out of bed and work.
I can't stand it and I can't take it anymore. When is that safety net lift? I thought it was 18, now is college graduation. What would be next? My husband's guilt is destroying our marriage and I have so much resent. You got this right.
Edit: Oh, also, my husband needed new tshirts for our summer traveling and he got from a famous Tshirt company like 3-4 shirts that say "Best dad ever", "My favorite dad ever" and all that. I was like what the heck! His son won't even text for Father's Day! Now all of our travel pictures would look like his son is so involved in his dads life when he is soooo NOT! Unless he needs a favour or money! I don't understand what is my husband trying to prove and to whom but I find this whole thing so messed up.
Dang Grl!
You must be a LITTLE resentful? Did he make it through high school? Or is it college? So he gets a "free pass from life" because school! Sounds mighty familiar.
When folks like family or even friends ask "what is she going to do now shes out if high school" I break out into involuntary laughter. She went from chronic truancy, to almost failing independent study. Whatever, Im done.
LOL OMFG "Horozontal Throne"!!!! LOL, thats the same thing here too. I checked your local - Florida - there is a lot going in Florida - Iove Florida. Depending on where you are...theres a lot going on.
Same here. Our businesses are going off in the tourist sector. Loads of jobs. Loads to do here too, if you like the outdoors, because our climate is so incredibly tempterate. Mid 60's.
I imagine that the current excuses are "everyones taking the summer jobs because everyones out of school right now".
She has nothing going on in her life
It's going to get worst. When her friends leave for college. And she the only one who is not working. Haveing 24 hours a day to fill in. BM and BF is allowing this to happen. They have to be giving her money.
Its unfortunate that you are probably right
Because she wasnt parented and because she can always bounce off somewhere else if it gets too strict here (you know chores and expectations).
What makes me chuckle a little is that a month or so ago, husband was commenting that Toxic Troll was being abusive to SD Princess Powersulk Do Nada by demanding she clean up TT mess as well as her own, because she lives there and needs to contribute. I said "well I hate to do this but I agree, if someone is supporting you, you need to contribute SOMETHING."
HA! I love this story an the
HA! I love this story and the quiet justice of reality. SKIDs have a way of being wrong and non-factual most of the time. Mine are adults too and LOVE to be very assertive with disinformation. I typically don't correct anymore unless it's life threatening or altering and then I wait quietly for fate to step in and correct them. It happens 5 out of 10 times. My favorite moments are ones like these where its obvious but the thing is everyone will "forget."
The know-it-all-syndrome
SD18 Princess Powersulk Do Nada, at one point was saying she was going to go into college and get a science degree so she could be a phlebotomist which I found out is actually the easiest career in the medical field and doesnt require a doctorate or anything like that. LOL. Easy does it for her!
I think shes going to go the easy route and do something in art. Maybe she will flourish in that career, and hopefully do something soon to start that going!
Come Monday, we shall see what happens.
This brings back memories of
This brings back memories of when LI graduated HS, her mom kicked her out, she washed out of bottcamp the first day of physical training and ended up back in my doorstep for two long years.
Two long years of her lazing around with an attitude while I did all the cooking and cleaning. Even when she got a part time job it just became a spending money fund and she was living it up, not contributing a thing while I was the house elf.
Eventually I had enough and left. Sorry. I'm just not going to support another grown adult while she blows her money irresponsibly. Even her "college" put her no closer to a degree and independence. All this wasted time. She would have been under our roof, probably with significant debt still and lying about her college progress year after year, while never actually graduating and me getting more and more resentful. I'm glad she's gone.
ETA and the worst part of it
ETA and the worst part of it was it destroyed my marriage because DH would defend everything she did (her blatant lies and half-a attempt at a single, one-time chore) while I was resentful. It's hard to come back from that.
Princess Sluggy
Husbands too cheapskate to keep handing her $$ for dishes. Soon she will bounce back to Toxic Troll who will expect her to help out, the bounce back for more lazy. I think Harry is right though - Sluggy will wear out her lazy soon enough. Meanwhile I do my own thing and not stress over it. Shes pleasant and nice to me, and thats all I need for now.