Before you marry, you future husband needs to make a few commitments to you regarding his children and their behavior. You need to outline acceptable attitudes and rules that you expect will be followed. You need to outline the consequences for failure to follow the rules and your fiance needs to commit to enforcing those rules and consequences. You also need him to understand that if his children negatively influence your children or household and refuse to honor the expectations you have provided them then they will be returning to live with their mother.

I'm sure he wants them to live with you because he sees you as the better mother and someone who can help him repair the damage that his first wife may have caused those children. But he needs to recognize that you can only give so much and you can't be expected to live in chaos or to tolerate disrespect in your household.

Good luck!

Rules must be set in stone before you marry...otherwise, his children will ruin your life, your marriage and your children...

I see a lot of good advice here from people. Let me tell you from experience, that first of all, not to be negative, but you are going to have one hard road ahead of you, and so will your children. I have been there and done that. I am still married to my wife, but it's only through a miracle of God that we are still together. We have had issues with all of the children, but especially her son. He has been an issue since the day we got together, and things have only gotten worse up until just recently(but they still aren't great!!) I was blinded to it in the beginning because I had been a single dad of 3 children for almost 5 years, so I was to a point where I was very lonely and just wanted to feel loved, so I put major blinders on to a lot of different things. Due to my mistakes in the past I suffered, and even more worse, my children suffered. My advice to you is to think very hard and really communicate your fear to your future husband before making any decisions. I will pray for you and your situation.

Steve Shafer

positive and respectful now, moving in together won't make that better and you life will be a nightmare. My DH and I have made it through our step drama over the past year with the help of an excellent counsellor. In retrospect, I would advise anyone who's thinking about blending families to get a good counsellor, even if things seem to be going well. There are so many potential pitfalls and when things start to unravel, they unravel quickly, and in ways you've never imagined.