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just another adult in the house

critterbug68's picture

My SO and I have been living together for 2 1/2 years. I allowed them to move into my house with me and my three sons. He has three children (16, 15, 12) who live with us 15 days a month and their mother the other 15 days. Lately, I feel like I'm just another adult in the house to them, especially the older two. They only speak to me when they need a ride somewhere, and not at all if their father is around. If he is around, and they need something from me,they ask him to ask me. My children are older, so very often, they are not around, and it's just me and his kids. Am I being overly sensitive? I try to give him time alone with his kids, but truly feel like they could really care less if I was there, preferably not. I'm just looking for some advice. I've tried disengaging as much as I think I can, but talking to my SO is hard since he instantly defends his kids. UGH! I just don't know what to do....

Lemonlimez's picture

Agreed! His time or not, if he's not there for his kids, they need to go to their moms. It's your house, your way or no way. It's not your problem if it's not convenient for anyone else.

critterbug68's picture

I apologize, I wasn't very clear. Most of the time, he is there. I mistyped when I said it's just me and his kids. I should have said, we spend more time with just his kids, since mine aren't around very often. I understand a lot of the way the older two feel, is because they are loyal to their mother, and that's fine. I'm not trying to take her place. They've been convinced to believe what she wants them to believe, but I will not change who I am because of it!

Thanks for listening, and I apologize for not being clear. It's all so confusing and frustrating. The youngest has been living with us full-time since before last Christmas, for what was supposed to be a 30-day trial period. It's now going on 7 months, and she and her mother have not worked out any of the issues they were supposed to work on. The 12yo is happy at our house, and her mother HATES, HATES, HATES that!!! My SO, decided to file for full custody of her since things are not getting better. She's just being treated like a yo-yo, and her two older siblings have taken their mother's side...I could go on and on. EVERYTHING is my SO's fault, not the mother's. Anything that has ever happened to her is someone else's fault, including the situation with HER daughter. She's blaming that on a 12 yo. She has the older two convinced that she's right, and they are now upset with their dad and sister..what the heck is wrong with people?? Why do they put children in these situations??