For a while now I wondered why my husband did not stand up to my s-childrens mom. I finally see why. Apparently if he waits, he will get what he wants anyway.
For example. When he and I started dating, she wanted for me not to meet the children. He said fine. What ended up happening is she was to pick up the kids before our date and she was a few hours late. So, I met the kids.
In February 2008 she took custody of my s-daughter, later she asked for my 10yr old s-son. I did not like the idea but it is not my call. He explained to me that our 10yr old s-son needed some time to adjust and focus on school. (He had to repeat the 4th grade) He improved so much (many thanks to his bio-mom) He came back to live with us this October. This happened when my 12yr old s-son had gotten suspended and he decided he wanted to live with his mother. (I feel it was a ploy to avoid punishment) My husband agreed and allowed him to "live" with his mother in exchange for the 10yr old son. He took the 12yr olds bed out of the room and put up bunk beds for the other boys. When my 12yr old s-son saw that, he quickly changed his mind and wanted to come home. My husband advised him that he needed to change his attitude both at home and at school if he truly wanted to come home. He has made many improvements. So my husband asked his ex if my 12yr old s-son to come back. She initially said no. "If I can't have 3 kids, then why should you?" However, he is now living under our roof again.
I don't know if she changes her mind, thinks it through, does it for selfish reasons or selfless reason. All I know is all the brothers are together and we have my s-daughter 3-4 times a week.
In the begining I felt he should have fought for the kids. BUT patience, it sometimes works wonders.