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My BSon is acting out.

Cinawina's picture

My B-son has been in the past a hard child to handle. However, when I married my current husband his S-dad, he (after a a few months of talking and discipline) seemed to straighten up. I told him how proud I was that he was taking responsibility for his actions and how his behavior, when good, has good results. He seemed to understand. He was happy and was doing better in school. This continued for 3 to 4 months. We made sure to continue to praise his efforts and when he slipped, let him know we all make mistakes and not to let one thing destroy what he had worked so hard for.
Then I got a call form his school. He was being suspended for "faking" a punch toward the teacher behind her back. He has never been violent at school. He claims he was playing but that is an excuse. He was punished with extra chores and he lost the privelege of 6th grade camp.
This weekend he was well behaved at home. Monday was a holiday, Tues no problems but he got suspended today for 2 days for calling the teacher a bad name behind her back when she disciplined him and for making hickiey marks all up and down both arms. The vice Principal says this is similar to self mutilation and is a cry for help. What do I do??
When my husband talked to him (I was at work) He said he is dissappointed in himself because of a softball game he lost. He always thought himself to be the best at things and when he realized he wasn't, it hit him hard. I called his b-dad and asked him to take him for a few days while he is suspended. He said yes. My B-son doesn't want to go. I let him know that he has consequences for what he does. I am not trying to punish him with his b-dad but s-dad is going on a field trip with my other b-son and I don't think its fair that one get punished for the actions of the other.
I feel like I am a bad parent. I do not now know how to get through to him. He was doing so well. I was so proud. How can I help him to get to where he is being responsible and making better decisions. I hate this feeling of helplesness. I don't know how to help him.


anita...sigh's picture

sometimes, things are the way they are. I have a very difficult BD16 (see my previous blogs) and the long and the short of it is, take him to the Dr. and get a referral to a youth mental health worker. Also, if available, a behavioural specialist is also extremely helpful.

Sometimes it can just be the stupidist things that make kids act out. Part of what I was doing wrong with my daughter was (being that she was 16) pushing her toward indepence. I knew in my heart that she does not seem 16 at all, more like 11 or 12. This was confirmed for me by the counsellor (MY Life Saver) and I was told to parent her accordingly. Another piece of fun is that my youngest daughter, who is 13, is mentally more mature then my big girl. Aaacckkk.... and BD16 is smart as hell in sooooo many ways, very talented artist but she is so well, immature, that socially she is struggling. BD13 is pretty (both are, she's just a unique look), virvacous, outspoken, popular, big chested, but.... she has learning disorders and school is do damn difficult for her, I have to struggle to keep her self-esteem up.

Google "Attachment Disorder) I have been to a 7 day course on this and it really changed how I view my kids and skids behaviours.

Don't give up, sounds like things aren't too out of control yet and there is totally help out there for you. A kid who is having troubles, combined with the right mental health worker, can be truly a gift from God.

Good luck

We all smile in the same language

Bex_S's picture

It seems like something is bugging him or he has an emotional issue he's finding difficult to speak about or understand, and it's causing him to internalise and it's coming out in bad behaviour. You are not a bad parent! I think he needs to have a talk with just you in a calm manner and environment to try and coax out of him what is bothering him. He may not even realise at this point that something is. Good luck x