Third day, third entry.

By in large, my blogging thus far seems to be more of a cathartic release on the (dysfunction) marriage. I know that this isn't a marital help forum, and perhaps I've given too much back history on the relationship between my husband and myself that it's clouding the issue of the s-son. I guess a portion of it is that I've identified, seen, analyzed, wondered, speculated, and thought that certain aspects of my husband and his behaviour are precursor to why the s-son is such an asshole.

My husband had a tumultuous childhood. His bio dad walked out on his mom and three children. My MIL gave the daughter up for adoption and worked two jobs to keep her and the boys going. She never said "I love you" to them. For punishment, she would beat them with a wooden spoon, turning to a metal one if it broke. My husband spent a large amount of time at his paternal grandmother's until he finally left his "family home" at the age of 14. He ended up getting an apartment with older friends (not certain how!?), dropped out of school, got into drugs, found his ex-wife, got her pregnant at the age of 17. To this day, he has no contact with his bio dad.

When he would fly into his rages, I would have that knowledge playing in the back of my head and heart, knowing that he wasn't given the same chance at growing in a healthy environment. He admits himself that, when he extols the vision of "family" that he has, that it's f****cked up, given that he never had a solid family unit growing up.

Whether he sees it or not (likely the latter one!), he has parented his son in a similar way. He *does* say he loves him when they say goodnight but his active involvement in the kid's life is minimal. He comes home from work and showers. Lies in bed and watches tv. Gets up and makes supper. The s-son cleans up supper. He returns to his bedroom, lies in bed, watches TV, and that is where he remains the rest of the evening. I *don't* think the total lack of involvement my husband gives s-son assists in the s-son's obnoxious and unhealthy attitudes. Husband truly believes that because he is IN the same household, he IS present.

I call bullshit.

Does the lack of involvement perpetrate the insolence in s-son? Does it manifest into the malevolence I sense inside him? Does it support his quest to be as insufferable as possible?

Likely.

Is it my battle to wage? NOT AT ALL.

Someone asked me in a previous blog of mine that we're not close to being a blended family, and asked if I planned to change that in the near future. THAT was a bone of contention for my husband; he felt my sons and I should give up our lives here and move to the City where he is/the condo is. It was one of the few times I dug my heels in. I said no. When he pressed me, asking why? I flat out told him that I wasn't uprooting my children, or myself, when him and I had such a tumultuous marriage. Our problems would still be there; it would just be in a geographically altered location.