Slightly OT - SS5 Behavior
SO and I are really at a loss about SS5's (almost 6) behavior. He started kindergarten this year and has been having behavior problems from the get go. These are problems that began in the last month before he started school, so sometime in August, and we have been working on ever since.
Here are some examples of what I am talking about:
-Disrespectful to the teacher, flat out tells her no when asked/told to do something. Tells her he's not going to listen to her
-Is easily frustrated with tasks that should be (and are at times) simple for him, such as putting on shoes, getting dressed, figuring out a simple solution to a problem. This is something that isn't really a new problem, but has been ongoing. He seems to almost completely lack the ability to problem solve, even with the most mundane things, and just ends up getting angry. Some times he will actually start crying if he can't get his shoe on, or if there's something else he can't do by himself. Won't ask for help, he'll just cry.
-Often times he will automatically cry in response to something another child has done to him (this is mostly at school), such as if another kid took what he was playing with, said something he didn't like, etc. Instead of asking for it back, or finding something else he'll cry.
-He has difficulty "changing gears". It is hard for him to go from doing one activity to switching to another. Again, not something new, we have noticed this at home, and we generally tell him "5 minutes before we end X activity and start Y activity". This seems to help.
He literally seems to wake up on the wrong side of the bed some days. Take this week for example:
Monday - woke up a bit cranky, didn't really want to get out of bed, didn't really want to get dressed (whined some, which was ignored). He was mostly happy, but had a few moments. Result: had a horrible day at school with all behaviors listed above.
Tuesday - woke up happy and smiling, got out of bed with no fuss, changed clothes with no fuss. Result: had a great day at school, no remarks from teacher.
Wednesday - Again woke up a little cranky, harder to get him out of bed and to get him to get dressed. Result: Had another crappy day at school, also not listening or behaving on a field trip.
Thursday - Again, woke up happy, no complaints all morning, very compliant. He even got socked in the face by another kid on accident at school, but still had a wonderful day.
Friday - Got out of bed ok, complained some about getting dressed. Result: Another horrible day at school.
His schedule and routine is the same everyday. He went to bed at the same time, got the same amount of sleep every night this week, ate breakfast each morning, etc. We could literally predict what his day was going to be like based on if any complaints or whines came from him that morning. We are consistent with consequences and expectations, but his mood upon waking seems to dictate the rest of his day and his behavior.
Any ideas as to what this kind of flip-flopping between good days and bad days is about??
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Comments
Thanks. The school has some
Thanks. The school has some really good support services, and SO has filled out a request for services for either individual or group counseling for him, just waiting to hear back.
Might not hurt to have a
Might not hurt to have a professional check him out. Had some kids on my caseload that were just like this, most of the time behavioral modification helped. Some needed medication. One had a terrible melatonin deficiency so even though he went to bed at the same time every night he couldn't get restful sleep because he couldn't get deep sleep. Some days would be better than others because his body would force him to get deep sleep. His behaviors at school were all over the place and all the educational testing came back normal. It was really frustrating because he was a genuinely decent kid but you could tell the difference from one day to the next. Might not hurt to have someone check him out either medically or otherwise just to make sure. Another kid had apnea which really messed up his sleep as well. Could be time to check into his sleep patterns to rule that out
Thanks. I can be a tad
Thanks. I can be a tad impatient when waiting for answers, so just wanted to see if anyone else had experience with this
Not at all. It's worrisome
Not at all. It's worrisome when your child seems to have a Jekyl and Hyde personality. And I agree with Dtzy, don't be quick to jump on any one particular thing. Have him checked out. It may be a couple of different things contributing to it.
I agree with the above
I agree with the above posters - sounds like it may be time to have him evaluated by a professional to see if there are underlying mental health issues causing his drastic swings.
Good luck!
You described my SS7
You described my SS7 completely.
He has improved slightly since age 4. He has been constantly written up at school since Kindergarten for pretty much blatent refusal to listen. Many things like you have written.
I dumped sugar from our diet as much as possible, he was a juice junkie, drink juice boxes like they are going out of style, and a junk food addict, chips, nachos, chocolate, cookies - i simply stopped buying ALL of it.
He drastically improved in our world, BM didn't change and he was still a nightmare. We started seeing many of his bad days were after a night with BM.
SS also couldn't poop regularly - BM was feeding him castor oil and such - we gave him broccoli. He seems to have outgrown this now, that was age 3-5 mostly. BM has improved her diet a little for him since I was hounding DH and in turn he mentioned it to BM a few times.
We also noticed lack of sleep is a huge contributor - SS7 sleeps with BM at her house so he is a terrible sleeper there and here both. There because she has the TV on, here because he can't sleep alone or without a TV on.
We are far from in a great position but sleep and diet helped.
Just recently DH finally took him to see a therapist, she wants to medicate him for ADHD - I think its the wrong diagnosis from my observations but she is the professional and my opinion has not been consulted so ...
Thanks for the response.
Thanks for the response.
Every day he is at BM's (custody is every other week) is a horrible day at school. The odd thing is that while we do have some problems with him at home, we do not have near as many in terms of frequency or severity that his teacher or BM have with him. Although with our home vs school he does not have the same demands on him, and has more free time. BM's problem is simply lack of any type of structure or discipline. She wont' even take him out into public because he will throw the most epic meltdowns for her (her words). I have never had him throw a fit with me when out in public. I'm sure that in some way the inconsistency between households has affected him, but we have no way to control it or make her do what SS needs.
Yep - although I try very
Yep - although I try very hard never to be alone with SS7 - I am often enough. He never acts the way for me that he does for DH or BM or in school. He is 'much better' for me than anyone else. I don't take pride in this, I am disgusted by this because it really indicates that he can be decent which makes it all the more malicious on his part.
Choosing to be defiant is a huge issue and its only going to get worse as he ages. Its already impeding his schoolwork and in time it will impeded his friends. Kids like him are 'those' kids who are chronically in trouble and they all flock together and continue to get into trouble as a group. I won't stand for that long term and since my hands are tied personally from doing anything of value, it makes me very angry that I may one day be faced with leaving my home and man I love because I can't live with the monster they are raising.
That sounds a little dramatic, but when you hear the tone of voice used by SS7 when he yells into his fathers face about something stupid like being caught red handed and denying it by yelling and stepping toward his father in aggression - where does that put things when SS7 is fully grown and 16?
I have tried to explain to DH that its not cute and not acceptable, that at age 7 that is SS7's way of saying F-U and getting in your face - he is only 7 so whats the big deal?? Its a huge deal, its the building blocks of hell to come.
Nope, can't control BM - currently she has more problems more frequently and to a harsher degree than we do. Unfortunately that leads me to think that its likely BM will write him off and kick him out someday when she can't handle it and we will be stuck with SS7 full time as a teenager and that is unfair - I don't want him but I will get no say.
Its like watching a train wreck - I just haven't decided if I have to step off the tracks yet or not.
I would have him checked for
I would have him checked for a mood or behavior disorder. Not knowing his entire background, I can't guess very well. But that's what it sounds like to me.