You are here

Ohhhh Whoopie... Both Skids need braces

Catlover's picture

and guess who will be footing the bill in our guessed it Moi! DH and BM will have to pay 50% each of the bill. Right now DH is making squat financially at his job, and already has accumulated thousands of dollars of lawyer bills fighting BM over this placement schedule. I had to return back to work about two months ago, and don't really relish in the idea of having my entire paycheck now going to pay for the skids braces.

I suppose I could put my foot down and tell DH that its not coming out of my paycheck, but lets be honest....I would have to pitch in that extra amount towards something else that he can't pay anymore bills because he's paying for braces. I dunno what's worse...paying for his lawyer...or paying for the skids braces.

The thing is I'm just too damned financially responsible. If I sit back and "make him be responsible"... all that will happen is he won't pitch in for the credit cards, or the car payment etc. I can't let my financial health go down the I just end up kicking in my money. Every penny goes to pay for bills. Any extra goes to pay off our debt (read...his debt really). I would love to put some away for BD's account or for retirement. But you know...its always something. After the braces it will be something else, because it always is SOMETHING. Legal bills, medical bills, shiny new things he buys that he can't's all for him and HIS kids. (okay I know I'm sounding I'll just stop now.)


buttercup123's picture

Um, if he can't afford braces then they don't get braces. That's what happens when people can't afford things-they don't get them. The skids can wait for their braces until DH can afford them. You shouldn't have to pay for that. Separate your accounts so he doesn't drag you down. If he isn't responsible then you really should. Especially if he buys himself and the skids toys thaat he can't afford so that you have to pay for things like braces. Hello, you are aloud to be bitter and to put your foot down. If he wants you to pay then I'd tell him that the only way you will is if he hands over his credit card and his paychecks and you dole him out an allowance. You are the responsible one so you manage the fiances and when there is soomething left over then he can buy shiny things.

Anon2009's picture

I respectfully disagree on the braces. If the braces are medically necessary or necessary for appearances, then the skids need to get them. Also, DH could get in trouble for not getting them braces as it's court-ordered that he pay 50%. But I do agree that ideally, DH needs to set aside his own $$$$ for stuff like this. I just do not think that now is the right time to not pay for something, especially if it's something they need. If we were talking about a toy, I'd feel differently.

melis070179's picture

Are the braces medically neccessary, or cosmetic? Is there a court order saying he has to pay half?

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

Catlover's picture

SD's dentist states it's medically necessary, as her teeth aren't coming in properly...she's also going to need 7 extractions prior to the braces. Yes....DH and BM have in their MSA that each parent is responsible for half of all children's expenses (medical, school, extracurricular)

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"

buttercup123's picture

Then I seriously think you should manage his finances. He obviously can't do it himself. Otherwise this will be an ongoing issue and you will always get the short end of the stick.

vgill's picture

DO they really need them, or just want them! Braces are now the ultimate accesory, they are to show off to other kids that their parents have money! I know SS14 talked BM into getting them and we were going to pay 1/2 after we had a second opinion. she had them on him 8 days later!!!! I had braces and so does my nephew(totally nessecery) an I know that it take between 2 -6 months to have things done right, these Ortho's are just money suckers!! Unless it is medically nesecery or cosmetically nessecary( like "oh cute kid too bad about those teeth") just don't do it or wait, they may not have grown into their faces well enough yet, there is nothing wrong with waiting a couple of years!!

rebelwoman's picture

Personally, I would not get skids braces with my own money, but that's just me. But, I also wouldn't push to post pone it if at all possible and not absolutely necessary right now.... like till he is grown and can get them himself. Maybe I am selfish. My DH just did this for my SS14 and it has been a nightmare. Here's how it worked for us. BM knew he needed braces, but sent him to live with us without telling us. Actually, she sent him to live with us one month after she found out. Thousands of dollars in legal fees later, we take him for a cleaning and find out he needs braces. We now have primary custody of SS14 so DH is the one that had to set up things at the ortho. One week later and he was outfitted in braces. DH pays a monthly payment and so does BM. Well, she is supposed to that is. If she quits paying (and she has quit a time or two), guess who is responsible. Yep, DH... which means me too really, because it means he won't have money for other things we need. I was pissed that he got them for SS14 to begin with. But, he knew it all and took every word from the ortho to heart to the point that he considered no other alternative. It was "SS14's teeth for gosh sakes, we have to!" I felt like we couldn't afford it and should wait (we had a baby on the way after all), but no... it had to be done right away. I asked what would happen if she didn't pay her half... he said, oh- they just stop giving services until we pay it for her. Well, the rest of the story is they will come to collect the entire remaining balance. Once you sign for it, you are liable for the entire thing even if you have them removed and don't finish treatment. I needed braces when I was a teen too, but my parents couldn't afford it. I never got them. i guess that influences me now because I think that if you can't afford it, then no braces. I have lots of dental work I need desparately but we can't afford that either. Why do SS's teeth come before everything? And you know, after he got them he never said thank you even though he knew it was a major sacrifice financially. I reminded him he didn't thank his Dad and he says to me: "Well, you HAD to get them for me. I NEEDED them." How nice.

Angel72's picture

My sd got braces but bm didn't go for any second opinion or discuss it with him. She just went and got them...and our lawyer told us that the dentist is always going to say its medically needed...horseputoot! Its cosmetic!!! if she is able to eat without pain and is able to speak without pain or disruption...its considered cosmetic!!!
My dh said, he had no money and he didn't agree with the braces..she chased after him for several years and he told her no, i have no money but take it out of CS ..he pays her enough! of course..the old court card...but now..i'm like..whatever..go to court. If you look at the financial situation he has no money and i'm not kicking in mine!!! i wnat my son to have an education and i put away retirement savings no i personally wouldn't pay for the braces at all and i would tell your dh...sorry get a lawyer and you can prove that he has no money left to give. Bills have to be paid and its not all your responsibility.
I dont manage my dh money,,but i tell him bills come first and food..whatever is left over you do as you please...which is nothing...

Wicked.Step.Monster's picture

Oh come on now.... my SDs could eat without pain and speak without pain or disruption but OMG their teeth looked DISGUSTING!!!! What kind of person wouldn't want their children's (or step-children's) teeth fixed??? I would have gladly worked a 2nd job to pay for the braces myself! How could you not care about a child's teeth?

Angel72's picture

oh..if its in the divorce papers..then look at the finance..cut off some cs and then that portion that is cut off from there is rerooted for the teeth anyways...this way no more money comes out.

buttercup123's picture

I want my skids to have braces but if people can't afford it then food and necessities need to be paid for first. If the skids are horrible to the stepmoms they shouldn't have to pay for that.

Selkie's picture

FH is about to write another cheque, this time for $2000, towards SD16's court-ordered trip to Europe.

Stick said it nicely to me in response to my "who pays for what" rant; your money goes to yourself, your partner, and the children in the home, his money goes to himself, you, his children, and the children in the home. I had to remove myself from the financial equation when it comes to paying for his children, in order to preserve my own sanity. I don't mind supporting my partner but I will not have my own money go to spoiled, entitled people who hate me. Semantics, maybe, but it works for me.

So I, personally, have not paid a cent towards any of the considerable dental expenses for the three teenagers. I have also not contributed to the European trips for two teenagers. And I'm not contributing to their Christmas gifts (unless I feel generous and buy them a bookstore gift certificate or something equally as neutral).

Step-families are stressful enough without the financial woes added into the mix.