I went through this already. This is the perfect time for the two of them to have some alone time and your time away. Do not change your plans or invites because it's his weekend. If your stepchild's mother will not take him so that you may both attend, go by yourself. You deserve your time too...

I think that you should find a babysitter for both the children and have a night out. You can't put your marriage on hold becasue it doesn't fall on the 'right' weekend. I understand the time restraints of a blended family all to well! But it could be a great bonding time for other family members to bond with your sd too. The situation is not going to change and you can't constantly feel like you are on the backburner. I wouldn't make it a habit of getting sitters during the weekend visits but if events come up, why shouldn't you enjoy a night out. Good luck!!! I understand that most of the time the kids come first but if you don't make your partner a priority when the kids grow up, where does that leave the marriage? You make your plans and have a wonderful time!!!! Just my opinion

You have already made several sacrifices giving up party after party b/c you have sd that same weekend..well, parenting is about having a balance too. There is nothing wrong with you and dh getting a sitter, even though sd is there for just the weekend, and go to that party...once in a while. It's not like you are leaving for the entire weekend, or that you hire a sitter every weekend that she is there.

I totally understand his feelings, every other weekend isn't a lot of time, but remember, you have always given up your adult time when she is there. I think having a sitter once a year for sd isn't so bad, and having some "adult" time is healthy for your marriage. I feel that your marriage is your #1 priority, and when you keep your marriage going strong, your sd is benefitting from it b/c you are helping your dh provide a stable home at his house for all the children.

I personally don't think to qualify as a good parent, that you make one constant sacrifice after another, and make your marriage and adult time always on the back burner. In fact, I believe that as a good parent, you will make time for you and dh, invest in your marriage by tending to it, and your children will absolutely benefit.

I hope you find the resolution that makes everyone happy. Maybe sd can stay the night with an aunt that she likes..or grandma and grandpa...

Good for you!!

i would find a sitter if not then i guess stay home. next time biomom changes the plan on your weekend say NO, that you would allow it if she did the same and compromise. that is totally unfair what she is doing and you guys are not allowed to change plans too.

-happy mom

I gave up going to my 10 year high school reunion because I hadn't missed one of my skids games at that point and it was a championship game. I was happy about the decision at the time, but now I resent it because no matter how much I sacrifice, I'm treated like crap and the skids don't ever look at me in that light. I'm simply taken for granted and probably always will be no matter how much I'm there or how much I sacrifice.

If this is not a habitual thing for you all, then you should either attempt a trade of weekends or of that day or get a babysitter. No one can look badly upon you all for having a life. Nondivorced parents get babysitters all the time.

Those skids need to see you two as a loving couple who have lives and friends and things to do that don't always include them. If it is just on special occassions, I think it could be a positive.

Can you ladies come over to my house and tell that to my DH! lol...

Seriously, there are many times when I have felt the same way, and I've heard the same advice... problem is, how do you get DH to understand it? So, unfortunately, I too felt like I was on the backburner on several occassions because SS always came first. And if I said anything, DH was soo sensitive about it that it just wasn't worth me to agrue with him anymore. So, ever now and then, I just went out on my own with my girlfriends, and eventually, he finally realized what he was missing... Oh.

But over the years, the schedule changed, and now we have SS every weekday, and BM has him on the weekends. First you have to know that BM tried desperately to take SS away from his dad, but it totally back fired on him and ever time we go back to mediation, she thought she was soo smart but she lost time or money instead! lol.

Unfortunately, we're too tired to bother going out anymore because we do have SS every weekday, which means we have to deal with school, sports, etc. Now when something comes up on the weekend, we tend to just stay home and watch movies and relax! ;0)

If we were discussing the original bio-family...this conversaton wouldn't even be happening. Of course 'mom' & 'dad' get a babysitter and go out together when a big adult function comes around once in a blue moon....it's a no brainer!!

You wouldn't give it a second thought.....

I think the same goes for parents in a step family...
We don't always have control of whose visitation day any event falls on....

In the big picture the kids won't even remember that one night you guys went out and had fun...while they stayed home with a babysitter watched movies ate popcorn and had fun!!!

Go for it!!

PS

As a bio-mom I'd 'take issue' with it if it got to be a habit.....but we all know stuff comes up sometimes....

that you found a GREAT solution! The kids are going to have fun, and really you are only looking out for the best interest for your SD... I mean, she NEEDS to have that same bonding time with her Grandmother too! (No matter WHO's mother she is... she's Grandma!)

For us, in the beginning, our BM had so much issues with her own family, that she eventually completely isolated herself from her own family members. She 'disowned' her father and would not allow him or her children to visit him. She had three kids, (different fathers- go figure) and the last time Grandpa got to see any of them is when she had her last son, 6 years ago! So, we took it upon ourselves to have at least my SS go visit and even spend the night from time to time during our visitation. So, that totally irrated BM. She thought we were all 'conspiring' against her, so we too got a lot of slack for it. But, now, it's been about 4 years since we started 'communication' with her own father, grandpa. This year, BM has finally isolated herself from her own mother, and sort of made amends to her father... it's been a really weird year, but she doesn't carry on like she did anymore. We just ignored it.

The sad part was that while we could 'control' SS visiting with Grandpa, the two other little ones were curious because SS would obviously talk about him, his house, the chickens, the dogs, how much fun he had, etc etc, like kids do. We felt for the two other kids. Was so sad, but we couldn't do anything about that, and we would try to 'update' grandpa if we knew anything. We even gave grandpa SS's soccer schedule, or baseball schedule, and he would come out to watch a game... but the moment that BM saw him, she'd pack up her other kids, and run away, come back at the end of the game, and whisk SS away as fast as she could. It was so sad. The kids had no idea what was going on. She really has some issues.

But just this last summer, she finally broke down and the kids got to spend time with Grandpa, even got to spend the night! That NEVER would have happened before. So, I feel your pain. Hang in there, it will get better over time. As the kids grow older, they start to put things together, and I think that our BM's other kids finally were old enough to realize and started asking questions that she couldn't avoid or answer.

I think the the Grandma solution is great!

no matter what crap she tries to pull. Vent here anytime you need to. I could probably write the book on this kind of thing...she's being an irrational hypocrite and it's sad what she's trying to put in your SD's head. Since you can't change her, try to keep up that shield against her words/actions. *hugs*

My SD is always ill, when she started spending the night at our house she threw up every night for a year, we talked with her mother over getting her therapy, of course BM told us that if she had any problems it was because of us,(it couldnt be the fact that BM had a secret club with SD where they talked about every little word and every little thing we did) we have gone on overnights with all the kids, she either sleeps between us, or paces the house all night keeping everyone (including hosts) awake, and she makes sure daddy knows it, if we try to go out for the evening w/o her she gets a headache, and reminds us that "what if she gets sick" Luckily my hubby knows his exs little illness tricks and that his D is doing only what shes been taught, but how to explain to SD that even as much as he loves her, she is beginning to drive a wedge between them by being just like her BM, he is also frustrated because it forces him to pay more attn. to her instead of spending equal time with all the children, so his guilt level is getting high.

We have a similar problem (although much more mild it seems) with my oldest SD…(she’s almost 7)…her mother has her thinking that sick is fun in some strange way…so she is constantly taking medicine and likes it…if I give her sister medicine for a valid reason, and she sees me doing it, she’ll say “my stomach/head/throat hurts, can I have some of that?” and put on a “sad/sick” look on her face…I have to tell her, you take medicine because you HAVE to not b/c you want to but I think with her mom it is a way to get babied/attention…she’s gotten much better in the last year then she was before though…but not too long ago she stayed the night with my sister in law and her little cousins and she flipped out b/c she didn’t have a “satin pillow case” and she actually started to cry and sat in the corner at my SIL’s while the other kids played to the point where my SIL called me concerned…come to find out it was another one of her mom’s sick little games…she actually told her that if she didn’t sleep on a satin pillow case she would get sick and if we didn’t have one at our house to call her! I think it is so sad and SICK to do that to your child for your own gratification!!

Make a GREAT Day!