To attend or not? Advice?
I have been a SM to two awesome boys SS6 and SS9 for the last 5 1/2 years. My DH and BM have a consistent split schedule- SS's spend 4 days a week with us, 3 with BM. I have never had a relationship of any sort (good or bad) with BM until the last few months when DHs schedule changed and I was the one picking them up from or handing them off to her. Everything went completely fine (a little awkward, but friendly).
My SS6 7th birthday is in a few weeks, and this is the first party she's had that I've been invited to by her. In the past, whenever the SSs asked their mom if they could invite me to a party etc, she told them "no" giving the reason "because I had disrespected her". It always hurt a lot- not because I was "left out", but because I worried that the SSs would treat me different, not respect me etc. because they heard/felt from BM that something was bad or wrong with me.
So my question is this: Do I go to the party? The SSs are used to me NOT being places when BM and DH are both there, and as for me, I feel really awkward going to a place with all her friends I don't know and who could care less if I was there. But on the other hand, I do want to be supportive for the SSs, and have/build a decent relationship with BM so we can all set a good adult example of "getting along".
Is it important that I attend? Does it really even matter? or...Should I just not go at all?
Thanks for your thoughts/advice!