BM's blather at family therapy last night
Here we go again. Last night, my fiance went to the weekly Family Based Therapy appointment at BM's house and it's the same old crap, different day. BM spent an hour and twenty minutes talking about various subjects like: 1) Things she didn't like that BF did 12 years ago in England. (How is this even relevant?) 2) How BF is in arrears on child support. (Not because he doesn't pay, but because it was retroactive to the date of their separation - she waited 2 years to file and WHAM! he's stuck in major arrears from the get-go. He pays an extra $50 a month to pay it down, which will take forever but she already gets 60% of his pay so there's not much we can do.) 3) How BF owes BM's father $67,531.01 and won't pay it back. (I love that BM's father helped out his daughter's family when they were out of work and desperate and now that they've split, the entire debt load is on BF. If you look at why the debt is so damn high, you'll see that BM was a bit manic and buying everything under the sun. This is somehow OUR problem now. Again, with 60% of BF's income going to her, there is just nothing left to try and pay the father back. I don't see a resolution here. Ugh.) 4) How BF refuses to get to a better paying job (hello?! He's been applying to jobs for a year! He's trying! We all wish he made a bit more money. As it is, I am the only one contributing to our household, and I'd like a little help too!) 5) How BF refuses to pay for SD's tutoring (she will never let this one drop. SD is doing great in school, on the honor roll, taking advantage of study group in the morning, but because BM thinks she needs tutoring, she needs tutoring. And we need to cough up $400 a month to make it happen. She wouldn't even say that she would pay half, when she had said it before. Anyway, she just gets an idea in her head and won't budge. I'm sure there is a compromise here somewhere - a cheaper tutor perhaps? But she only wants "the best" and this one is "the best". Well, I say "GET A JOB!" if you want something. Don't expect others to take care of YOUR wants your whole life. And this IS a want, not a need.)
All this garbage is brought up by BM to make BF out to be an irresponsible father to the therapists. Bless these two women - I don't know how they put up with this week after week. They say: "BM, we don't want to know. We are here to help you learn to coparent with BF. You need to learn to let go of this stuff. You are not going to find the resolution you want. We would like to move on now. etc. etc." But she is a broken record.
The therapists tried to get an idea of any progress, so they asked BM if she was learning to let go at all. BM's answer? It makes me laugh. "Oh, I think I have made excellent strides at letting go. I don't love BF. I am fully aware that he is not my husband or partner and he has a new life and family." She can talk all she wants - I want to see actions to prove it. This contradicts everything she has done since I met her. She sends BF cards "To my dear husband" on special occasions - like birthdays, father's days and their WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. She gets royally pissed off when he doesn't acknowledge her on birthdays or mother's days. She refers to themselves as a "family unit". She tries to do special functions together as a family unit, meaning excluding me. Excuse me while I go gag on your lies, lady. I don't buy them for a minute. And if you're so good at learning to let go, how about you let go of this obsession with making BF out to be a bad father and just learn to coparent already?
So, another session completely monopolized by BM bashing BF. They spent another half hour or so trying to talk about coparenting SD - meaning, the therapists and BF tried and BM resisted. They got nothing accomplished in almost 2 hours. Keep it up, BM. Keep it up. In a few short months, SD will be moving out if you don't shape up.
One more thing to add: the therapists and BF left at the same time and they took the elevator down together. The therapists clucked their tongues and let out a low whistle, giving BF a sympathetic look and one of them said "man, do we ever feel sorry for you. There is one looooong road ahead of you. Because even if we can get her straight on the emotional issues, she will never ever ever let go of the financial issues. Good luck, sir!"