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Reality Check Please

The big G's picture

Hi, sometimes i worry i am being too hard on SD16.

This month so far shes had.

200.00 holiday spending money.
Cinema trip with all the trimmings.
New iphone 5s
40.00 pocket money.
Camping trip with family.
Take away meal with what ever she wanted. (her choice we offered yo take her out)

Now i know i the iphone was for getting average exam results B's and C's but i think shes had enough now.

She now wants new shoes for collage. My bds new school shoes were bought by my niece. We don't have alot of free cash as we are getting married. FDH has asked if she can wait till after the wedding in November.

If sd needed actual school shoes i could understand but she doesn't. She is meant to he going to collage (which she doesn't want to do) so she can wear trainers etc. She had hundreds of pairs some have ever been worn.

My fdh is really dealing the pressure of finances, she ripped into him last night about not providing for her. Fdh was devastated. She tried using a guilt trip on him as bds had loads of 2 and 1 pence my parents saved up for them. Plus as my mum is in hospital she has cancer and she hasn't seen bds for a month she gave them 2.00 each. Which sd sulked about as she didn't get any. SD has known my mum has been in hospital and she is old enough to visit where as we had to wait till my mum was well enough to leave ward to see bds. But sd doesn't want to know. Only wants the money.

Fdh now thinks he should buy sd the shoes but i think she can wait. Am i being unreasonable?


BethAnne's picture

Sometimes it is just easier to let this battle lie and build the ground work for the next one. Let your fiance do what he wants and buy the shoes. (This is up to you, I tend to get stubborn about these things but it doesn't really do me many favors in the end). But you two need to have a discussion about what you are willing to provide for SD now that she is starting college. She is old enough to get a job so I would say that if you two agreed she can pay for anything beyond basics and necessities herself. So you provide accommodation, food at home (she can make her lunch for college and take it with her), a basic wardrobe of clothes and possibly transport costs to college and basic stationary. She should be contributing towards the phone bill (if not all of it) and then any spending money she wants to socialize or if she wants any extra clothes she can earn some money and buy them herself. If your husband wants to spoil her then he can wait till her birthday or chirstmas, if you can afford it. If your husband objects that it is too harsh then maybe suggests she have a nominal amount of pocket money (40 a month?) so that she has some cash on her.

Yes she sounds spoiled and it sounds like she needs to start learning how to earn her own money and that no one owes her anything. How far you get with teaching her these lessons depends if your husband agrees and is willing to force her to learn them. If he isn't then don't dwell on it for now. Arranging a wedding is stressful enough without stressing about a new pair of shoes for SD. The situation will arise again in the future and you can try to tackle it then.