I hate my Stepson
I have brought up my SS since he was 7 years old, he is now 30 and honestly! the more I see him the more I hate him. I feel so torn right now because I love my wife and would do anything for her but as for her son, i cant honestly see us being close ever again. I would never ask my wife to choose but what sort of a life is it going to be for her if it continues and we arent even on speaking terms, i dont want my wife feeling she has to choose. the problem is he is the most ungrateful, selfish, ignorant and inconsiderate person ive ever known and the worse part is we never brought him up that way, my wife is one of the strictest parents I know and he was always brought up with manners, on the other hand she has always done everything for him, even to the extent that id be surprised if he knows how to plug in a hoover. there is so much I could say and explain but its too exhausting and its got to the point tonight where I said I want him gone, yes he is 30 years old and still lives with us, he gets his washing, ironing, cooking and everything else done for him but still has the cheek to be rude and disrespectful, I feel that my 22 year relationship is jeapordised by an overgrown baby who doesnt know how or even wants to grow up.
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If she chooses to have her
If she chooses to have her overgrown manbaby continue to stay over you, seriously, eff her. Ypu are better off without her.
Honestly though, she does his laundry and all for him? Wtf? She created this disaster, she fixes it and gets him out or leave.
Ugh. I'm sorry this happened to you. I don't know how you made it so long. But, when you are done...it's just done.
Honestly I couldn't ask for a
Honestly I couldn't ask for a better or more loving wife, that's the problem, we are great together, it's him that's the problem otherwise our marriage would be perfect.
Man, just a couple days ago
Man, just a couple days ago someone posted about their own mother. Her 68 year old sister (that lived at home still) had just convinced their mother that their stepdad (who had raised them since age 4) was cheating on their mother and further convinced her to kick him out. At age 88. He was kicked out of his own home. I guess adult kid was worried about what would happen should mom pass first.
You should find that blog. Read it until you can convince yourself either the manbaby needs to leave or you do.
At 30, you can absolutely
At 30, you can absolutely still have a relationship with your wife despite your feelings for her son, providing she is willing to treat him like the adult child he is and treat you like her husband. Has he ever moved out? It's time for him to launch. When you don't live with him, she can see him whenever she wants, without you!
ETA, your feelings sound
ETA, your feelings sound normal. Two adult unrelated men living together against the will of one of them is bound to cause hard feelings.
Adult stepchildren
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I am always given a reality check when I come on here and see so many dealing with issues with grown stepchildren. I thought things got better when the stepchildren are grown. I guess not. It's very disconcerting. It sounds very difficult. Clearly, you've invested a lot of time and energy in this situation.
I can honestly say I have
I can honestly say I have tried everything, I've even tried ignoring him but there is only so much you can listen to and how disrespectful he is to his mother before you feel like exploding. My only advice to anyone would be never date anyone with children.
He. Needs. To. Move. Out.
He. Needs. To. Move. Out.
Seriously. The fact he's living with you is probably the main issue. 30 years old. How can you ignore him when he lives in your home?
What’s wrong with giving your wife an option?
I'd say it's time. You or him.
She was also not a good parent if the man baby is still there, nor a good wife if you are in this position.
In fact, I don't know why you'd want to stay. You have a giant cuckoo in your nest. Time to kick it out, or let her realize the true cost of coddling her son.
Yes, he's a jerk, but your
Yes, he's a jerk, but your wife is the real problem here. She raised him to be totally dependent on her and it worked! Even at 30, she has no desire to allow him to mature and be independent. Her poor parenting has effectively taken away his chance to be a functional adult and ruined your home life as well. I don't know how you've kept love for her all these years despite watching her emotionally cripple her son.
At any rate, it's time to make her choose. But don't be surprised if she chooses him, seems he's her real partner. It's that or just continue to suffer.
Yes my wife does everything
Yes my wife does everything for him except wiping his ass, but she wants him out too, but she will not throw him out, she is giving him time to save in order to get his own place, it just isn't going quick enough, as I said before when he's not in the home my wife and I have a perfect marriage, she admits she's spoiled him but it's not as if she is trying to hold on to him.
Let's find out. Offer to pay
Let's find out. Offer to pay for his first 6 months' rent so he can move now and save up while out of your home. $10 says she resists your offer. If she wanted him out she would stop catering to him.
My husband last year told me that ss who just turned 22
A few month back claimed he was about to finish university and had to save money for rent etc to pay for bills...
what does my hubby do but tell him our marital home will always be welcome to him and he can live there indefinitely but he can’t kick us out but he will need to contribute to bills.
great not only do i now have an already unbearable adult ss who has made it his mission to make me and my 3 & 4 yr old with hubby, his mission to make us feel unwelcome and leave home.
End of last yr i told hubby i was not gonna tolerate a man baby so he either moves out since he has proved time and time again he has no intention of being part of our family unit or hubby can purchase a separate home for me and our 2 young kids.
well since i was finishing my university studies in my birth country and our 2 kids were schooling there, hubby purchased a home there (our dream one) and put it solely in my name so skids and exwife can’t cause issues.
never is any skid entering this home ever, not for a visit or friggin holiday... believe me hubby would be kicked out. As hrd as it is with me not seeing my husband for 23 weeks because my country is in lockdown and i cannot leave, the peace of not having to deal with stepcrap and a skidult making you all feel unwanted, unwelcome and miserable is just amazing....
i have told hubby i would not remain married to him if he was gonna allow this level of entitlement because its just pathetic. He assured me the moment ss gets a permanent job then he will be financially independent but still living in our marital home..
i hope he finds a woman and moves out because no way would hubby be stupid enough to let them move in... i am not having a stranger wife of adult ss living in my marital home with hubby and our 2 younger kids... thats just messed up!! Hubby won’t be getting sex period!!
Does he work? Has he ever
Does he work? Has he ever worked? Does he have any friends? A girlfriend?
Yes he has a full time job
Yes he has a full time job and always has worked, his problem is when anything gets too difficult he quits, he had a girlfriend of a few years and my wife and I thought she was the one, she was actually close to perfect and he even managed to screw that up, now he hardly speaks to us about anything in his life, I have actually said I think he's depressed but he completely denies it and refuses to see anyone to talk about it.
Of course he's depressed.
Of course he's depressed. This is what happens when your mother cripples you emotionally and makes it so hard for you to be independent. All his life she's given him the message he's not capable of functioning without her help, now he believes that of himself. And he resents and hates her for making him so dependent. Your wife is not a victim. She created this. She has to change her behavior before he will. You two should go to couples therapy to learn how to help him. Hint: it will involve her stopping her dependency-creating behaviors and setting limits/demanding he be responsible around the house.
ETA: Sorry, I have strong feelings about women who do this to their children, then feel victimized by the awful adult they've created (looking at you, BM!).
Time to push the "baby" bird from the nest...
I'm so sorry. You are in a bad position. Not sure what kind of financial situation you have but setting him up in his own place (apartment, boarding house etc) might be well worth the money to get him out and start him off with a couple months rent. Much cheaper than a divorce and then you and your wife can have the privacy that you deserve. That might preserve the relationship between you and your SS too.
I agree with tog in terms of
I agree with tog in terms of paying a few months rent.
I would also go so far as to phone around places to view and all go together.
My parents never offered this option as a choice. It was ‘this is what you are doing’.
I would also get legal advice on your options of there is resistance to it.
I agree, too
We did a variation of this when SD58 lived here making our lives hell. Best money ever spent and she was happier, too.