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Kids and Video Games

AshMar654's picture

From my previous posts you all have noticed we are struggling with behavior things with SS10.

I am starting to wonder about some stuff because last night we got into his attitude again. Something came up about his friends get to do so much more than he does so I am wondering for all those out there what do you think is appropriate age for certain things.

Fortnite video game:
Destiny Video Game:
Zelda Video Game:
Jaws movie:
Dead Pool 1&2 movie:
Halloween Movies:
All Avenger movies:

Some of the stuff above we do let him watch. I am not telling I am curious what age would you think some of this stuff is ok for a 10 year old. Also how do you handle video games in your home? Do you allow them to just play when they want to, no video games on a school night, do they have to earn play time? I am really curious what other people do.

Thanks for the feedback!

Comments

sunshinex's picture

At 10 years old, my parents didn't really monitor my video game choices very much. I knew what was too scary for myself or not. I played zelda (and still do) all the time. I would definitely allow zelda. I don't see much of a problem with fortnite or destiny either. I'm currently playing a game called we happy few and my kids are often nearby - they don't seem scared. SD7 will play with her toys if we're playing a game or watching something scary, so I would imagine in a few years, she'd be fine to know her own limits. 

As for play time, it depends on the kid. Are they fairly responsible? Do they keep a clean room and good grades without much bugging? If so, sure - why not. I was pretty good about keeping my grades up and keeping my room clean without much trouble from my parents, so they didn't have a problem with me getting home from school and playing for a couple hours. Actually, I never slept well at night so I remember many school nights, I'd play zelda until 2am while everyone was sleeping. This was because I had a sleeping disorder, though. 

For my SD7, she's awful about cleaning her room and her grades are absolute crap right now, so she doesn't get any video game time. If she worked to improve those things, we'd give her some time each day to play. She really likes minecraft, but it's a no-go until she gets a bit more responsible. It's all about balance. 

AshMar654's picture

Thanks for the feedback. It is not a thing of scary but violence for us. He does play Zelda we actually have no problem with that game. We were thinking of fornite in another year.

He has amazing grades and keeps a clean room but I have to remind him every weekend to do his chore. We allow video games friday night and into the weekend. He gets that taken away when he has bad attitude or does something he should not be doing.

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

Hey soul sister!!!!! I just downloaded fortnight again to try it some more. I agree with everything you just said. 

Are you going to play KH3?

as far as the movies, Deadpool is SUPER bad for kids. Avengers was fine, I took BS to the iron man movies at the theater starting from when he was 8? Or so. 

Honestly, if a question comes up about something, I suggest you watch/play it first. If you’re not a gamer, just look up the game on YouTube, there will be plenty of people who played it and made a video, you can judge gameplay from that. Or go to Wikipedia and find the article.  Most games have a plot summary and genre listing.

AshMar654's picture

Thanks I will check out the games on Youtube. My DH plays games some on the weekends after everyone goes to bed maybe he will play it to judge it.

ESMOD's picture

I'm not super familiar with video games.. but do know that there are both positive and negative things that can happen from playing them.  The games are designed to be "addicting" to a certain extent and for a 10 year old.. it is probably important to set reasonable limits because he is unlikely to be able to set them for himself.. not a lot of self control at those ages.  I might try something along the line of.. you get screen time in equal increments that you spend reading a book or doing homework.  So, if he does homework and reads a book for pleasure for an hour.. then he can spend an hour playing a game.

The movies are a different story.  They have these things called "ratings"  So.. like deadpool is rated R.. that means no one under 17 is supposed to be watching them right... without an adult with them.  Honestly.. those R rated are way beyond what a 10 year old should be exposed to.  Stick to PG13 and under movies. 

And.. all kids say  "well my friends get to.." either their friends are lying.. or their friends have crappy parents.  Tell him.. well in this house we do X... when you turn 18.. and move out.. you can live your life like you want..lol.

AshMar654's picture

We do not allow those movies just looking for feedback and I do think his friends lie or have crappy parents as well. We stick to PG-13 depending on what it is.

This age is so much fun right now!

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Fortnite tbh is fairly appropriate for all ages. So I wouldn't worry about that..

Destiny I think you should be a little bit older for. Probably 12-14 depending on kid's maturity. with SD10 I'd air closer to the 14, but that one would vary by kid.

Zelda is clean. I think it's appropriate for any age, but there's reading involved, so if they can't ready they'll probably get stuck.

Jaws movie: I was pretty sure any age. But SD5 AND SD10 both had nightmares after watching it last year during shark week... So that varies by kid too. 

Deadpool 1 & 2. Adults.

Halloween movies: Never seen so I really don't feel I can contribute to this. LOL

Avenger movies I think is based on the kid honestly. I let SD5 watch them with us. But I feel some kids could be frightened by some of the scenes. So that's up to parental disgression.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Fortnite video game: 12 years old at a minimum, with monitoring of language and time. That would be ANY online game where you communicate with other players randomly.

Destiny Video Game: 12-13. Not a bad game, but I think there is a level of maturity that has to exist to play it. It has some darker themes that I could see being depressing for a kid. 

Zelda Video Game: 8 and above, unless we're talking the classics, then 6.

Jaws movie: Depends on the kid. Probably not under age 10.

Dead Pool 1&2 movie: High school at a minimum. Like, 16 or older. I know there is a PG-13 version out, but that's a raunchy set of films NOT AT ALL intended for kids. Ryan Reynolds even acknowledges that.

Halloween Movies: Heavily dependent on the kid, but 10 at the absolute earliest, 12 would be more ideal.

All Avenger movies: Those movies range from being pretty tame to having some darker themes. Age 10 at the earliest.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I'm a HUGE deadpool fan, have comics and everything. I bought the PG-13 version. They literally just "beep out" the swear words and there's a LOT of flipping people off. Even that version really isn't suitable for kids.

AshMar654's picture

Thanks. Just trying to get a feel if we are over the top strict. I did not think so but you know sometimes you wonder if you are doing things right. He has just had poor attitude lately and he has this whole mind set his friends get to do way more than him. Basically play more video games and watch more violent movies.

We point out well that is great do you friends parents take them to a 600 dollar special baseball program, do those parents take their kids to the aquarium and do behind the scenes tours, do those kids have aunts that have a cool job that you get to go to during the summer and run around, do your friends get to go to trampoline parks with their aunt like once a month, and this list goes on and on about how much this kid gets to do compared to his friends.

No he does not see that cause he is 10 and we are horrible mean parents. Apparently sitting and staring at a screen is way more important and better than actually going out and have fun experiences.

Thanks

rozzann's picture

None of the kids, my bio DS13 and DD11 or SD6 can watch tv and such until their homework and chores are done.  After that, they can't sit and play on their phones and computers for more than 2 hours before I make them find something constructive to do.  Sometimes they can earn more time if they do extra chores or do something beyond the normal.

Fortnite, destiny and zelda: We don't own any gaming devices like Playstation or Wii but we do have computers and my two, DD11 and DS13, have phones (courtesy of their dad). They do play some games on their computers but nothing like those, more like SimCity games.  Pretty sure they play some more graphic games at their dad's, though.

Jaws movie: I haven't seen the new one - but I would let them watch the old one
Dead Pool 1&2 movie: Adult only
Halloween Movies: The 13 year old - yes.  Not SD6 or DD11
All Avenger movies: Yes - we all love the Avenger movies

Hope this helps some Smile

Monkeysee's picture

The boys play fortnite, I don’t see the issue with it as it’s not a gory game. They’ve been instructed to mute anyone who swears at them, and if they ever got caught swearing they’d have their headsets taken away permanently.

I find even the YouTube channels you need to be careful about, I caught them watching one with a lot of cursing & had them find a different channel to watch. No kid needs to listen to someone say ‘mother****er’ to watch a video game on YouTube.

10 is way too young for Deadpool, but Avengers I’d be ok with, depending on maturity. My OSS thought he’d love Black Panther but it was too mature for him so he got about 10 mins in & switched it off. I’m pretty sure they’ve seen Iron Man though.

I think they’ve seen Jaws with DH but I’m not sure, I refuse to watch shark movies lol. Same thing with scary movies, so they never watch any horror stuff with us. 

Personally, my biggest issue with fortnite is how addictive it is. Recently both boys have started saying it’s all they can think about, and I find that really concerning. So we get them out & off the machine often to snap them out of it.

AshMar654's picture

Thank you for the comment. We actually do not allow youtube videos much in our house at all right now. He was watching these shows about how you are genius if you can find these images and fact about how any animal can kill you. Ok.... he was not getting that stuff on youtube can be fake or taken out of context or taken to an extreme scenario that is highly unlikely to ever happen. We said until he can understand that alot of the stuff on the internet is not real and just because one person says does not make it true, no youtube.

I think that is my bigger worry with the fortnite game is the addiction aspect. He can already zone out into Zelda real good. We have to say ok enough time to do other stuff around the house. Winter is the hardest time of year. I appreciate the feedback.

Monkeysee's picture

I hear you about the YouTube 100%. If they were my kids I’d limit them far more on the electronics than my SS’s are. I don’t agree with how much screentime they get in general but there’s only so much I can do as their SM. It’s frustrating.

Its really scary to think of all the things on the internet that can be harmful for kids. All those horrid ‘challenges’ that had kids committing suicide bc they were told if they didn’t people would come for their families?! Terrifying! Not to mention the stupid stuff like tide pod challenges & downing a spoonful of cinnamon.

I’m trying to teach the boys to be wary of stupid things like that because it can have permanent effects. I’m not sure how much it sinks in, but I try. The internet really is no place for a child w/o supervision IMO. Or teenagers for that matter.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Every child is different.

In our home none of this is an issue and the youngest is in kindergarten. Heck the Dead Pool movies are some of our favorites and Jaws is a joke. SO plays Destiny all the time and the kids love watching Fortnite lets plays though they don’t play the game themselves and don’t really want to.

We haven’t really watched the Halloween movies at home but if we didn’t they wouldn’t be restricted from it. The only thing I really have issues with are things that honestly bother me even if the kids aren’t around. I don’t like excessive, loud language. I don’t like intense extended scenes of a sexual nature and I don’t like extreme realist violence of a voyeuristic nature.

Yes some of this stuff doesn’t have content that isn’t exactly child friendly but then again the world isn’t child friendly. Currently the news is showing images of war and hate. Sharing stories of children dying at our border in the hands of OUR people. Rape is a constant topic.

I’m not stupid to think restricting these things will “protect” the children and yes sometimes we’ve been asked questions that we would rather not answer BUT funny thing is the hardest questions come from what they talk about with friends on the playground.

We have open discussions about the violence of the world. The children have a basic understanding of sex though the oldest understands way more than the little one. Yes they know what a “whore” is and their father is a bastard. Neither of those words were introduced in any of the media you shared here.

What we worry about more though is what we can’t control or what would happen if we don’t. We do know what the children are watching and we do restrict access to the internet. Yes they may see something we don’t approve of on youtube but we know about it and can talk about it rather than not knowing. There is no free internet in their bedroom. There is no unmonitored cell phone or tablet in our house. When they find something that we don’t like we talk about it instead of just taking everything away.  

Monkeysee's picture

For me it’s not so much about protecting them from the harshness of life as much as it is preventing them from being desensitized to it, or thinking that vulgar language/violence/cruelty is normal. 

I’ve always been honest with them about the realities of the world, and try to teach them empathy, kindness & consideration instead. It’s definitely a balance.

AshMar654's picture

We are honest as well in our home. We are very honest when it comes up. For me is not about keeping them in the dark and safe guarded from the world. It is about he is a child let him be a young child as long as he can.

Let his imagination run wild with dragons and mythical creatures. I want him to keep his innocence as long as possible. When he does have to grow up it will hit him hard. He has already had to process his friends having moms their whole lives while he did not. He has already had to deal with his g-parents up and moving and not coming back to visit often at all. He has had to grow up plenty lately. So we want him to keep is innocence in some areas of his life. That is what it is for me.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Except there are no creditable studies, despite multiple attempts, that scientifically prove that video games ALONE cause desensitization. Once upon a time people tried that with music and before that it was newspapers. EVERY generation has their scapegoat because it’s easier to blame ONE thing then recognize all of the different factors that play into the bigger issues. It’s easier to say media is the problem than look at the family, the school, and the very society we live in.

I blame Trump for the hateful words towards women, the kids didn’t need to hear that the PRESIDENT of the unit states thinks grabbing women by the p*ssy and just kissing them is acceptable. Not Deadpool who flat out identifies that movies like to dumb down and over simply female roles into nothing but sex objects.

 I blame the constant on going wars and the media’s voyeuristic sharing of the carnage for the violence the kids are exposed to and not some digital warrior defending their planet from aliens.

I fear real serial killers that are held up interesting beings then super human over the top horror movie monsters.

The kids know what they see in media is MEDIA and not real life. They know that just because one guy curses while playing Fortnight it’s not acceptable for them to do it. They know that killing in a game isn’t the same as real life and people don’t just respawn. If they don’t comprehend those things the failure isn’t the game. It’s the family and society that failed to help them understand reality vs make believe.

AshMar654's picture

I also keep SS10 from the media. We do not have cable in our home so he does not have much access to all that stuff. He hears stuff at school and daycare and we deal with it. We live in an area where it is a lot of farm land and there is a take your tractor to school day.

I do not blame video games for how children are. I blame adults who raise them. I blame the parents that do not monitor their children and talk with them and explain things to them.

My DH and I will still continue to keep him limited on things because I want him to use his brain and imagination and for his own thoughts about things. In my opinion for my SS the best way to do that is limit his exposure to all forms of media. Hey some of the smartest and brightest minds in our history never had all this media and they would think outside the box all the time.

Even Bill gates and Steve jobs openly admitted to limiting screen time for their children. Not saying what you do is wrong I just do things different.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

I didn’t say we don’t limit screen time and encourage free thinking. The kids love going outside to play and we go to the library almost every weekend when we have them. We do story time every night and the kids love to work on art projects.

I just also see the positive outcomes of allowing them access to video games and media. They have learned how to cooperate and communicate through their game play. They bond with their dad while watching youtube videos. They know our favorite song from Deadpool and smile when we play it in the car because we get lovey dovey over it.

We know what media they are accessing in our home because again there is no monitored internet or electronic devices. We are also more free in what we allow them to watch and play in our home. Both of us are major gamers and movie buffs ourselves. I personally have worked in a game store and understand rating systems and more important the content of the things they have access to. We disagree with BM’s choice to block certain things just because she isn’t comfortable with it. That doesn’t mean we let them watch porn and like I said I disapprove of voyeuristic content.

But none of what OP listed is off limits in our home.  And none of it is content that BM has an issue with either.

Livingoutloud's picture

I think what you are doing is wise and reasonable. 

Just because there is violence and vulgarity out there, it doesn’t mean young children must be exposed to it on a regular basis. There is a lot of porn out there too, so should parents show it to young boys too? Just because it’s there or because parents enjoy it and think it’s great.

Some people think because they play and watch all kind of stuff execessively (and addiction to video games is rampant) it’s perfectly fine for them to involve their young kids in it. Why? It’s lazy and irresponsible parenting. Especially if something is already rated not age appropriate for young children! 

Continue doing what you are doing. Play board games, read, make crafts, have meaningful discussions, teach them new stuff, take them places, watch limited amount of age appropriate stuff, do all that instead of plopping them in front of a screen at young age. 

 

you-can't-argue-with-crazy's picture

I have step sons the same age, about the same age and IMO....

Fortnite video game: ours play this, with limits on time
Destiny Video Game: don't know what this is
Zelda Video Game: I think this would be fine for a 10 year old, I haven't played it since i was a kid tho and my SKID's don't play it now
Jaws movie: at PG-13 rating I'd let them watch it if they wanted to
Dead Pool 1&2 movie: No way, they've tried, nope, try again when you're 18 
Halloween Movies: I haven't seen it in a long time but maybe not at 10 years old, try again when you're 13 or so
All Avenger movies: Ours have watched all these I have no problem with them

For screentime (Video Games, tablets, computer) nothing allowed before school in the morning, we limit it on school nights to only like 30 mins each and they get extra time on the weekends, but they have to take a large break in the afternoon and do something more sconstructive with their time, they can then earn more time if they've behaved and done all their chores. If they have friends over and want to play a little more on the weekend we're a little more lenient on these days. 

I find fortnite to be bad because it's is so addicting, my SS has had meltdowns over it. 

AshMar654's picture

Thank you so much! I really appreciate the feedback. We let him play the newest Zelda on his switch in our living room on the main TV. He has seen jaws but he badly wants to see this horror movies and I am like no. I do not want you crawling in our bed at midnight afraid some guy is out your window with a chainsaw.

But of hey he is 10 and obviously knows better than DH and I do.