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Engagement Rings??????

AshMar654's picture

I read this article. Has anyone on here ever felt this way about the ring their DH or SO gave them when they asked them to marry you?

http://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/whats-hot/would-you-be-mad-at-your-fi...

Comments

NeedaFunDay's picture

No. It was all he could afford. His ex wife had raped him financially. He ended up losing everything, including his van and house. When I met him, he had been sleeping on an air mattress for two years and living off Beanie Weenies.

So no.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

No. That woman in the article sounds high maintenance. Crikey!! IMHO, it makes her look like a greedy beeyotch whose all about "ME".

This past Christmas, my DH wanted to buy me a ring and actually took me to the jewelry store. He told the clerk (privately) how much money he wanted to spend and she showed us rings in his price range. He was absolutely astonished that what I chose what less than half of what he was willing to spend. Not everyone is all about the money.

NeedaFunDay's picture

Yeah, she does sound materialistic. In society today it seems to be more about the wedding being perfect than it does about having a good marriage.

At least that’s what I’ve noticed.

Tuff Noogies's picture

NOPE. my dh surprised me with my ring. i had even mentioned using my grandmother's rings, but he went and picked one out "behind my back". i would never be so ungrateful - this ring is my husband's heart on my hand.

Tuff Noogies's picture

yes, the scoundrel!

it was one of the biggest surprises of my life when i came home to roses, and him on one knee with the box in his hand. we were already engaged - i was completely blown away and cried like a baby when he put it on me. it's absolutely beautiful and priceless to me, like i said, that's his heart on my hand.

BethAnne's picture

If I had married my ex I would have expected him to spend the 2-3 months salary. He could afford it but was also fairly frugal and he could be a bit wishy-washy so I knew that if he ever spent that much he was really committed to our relationship. Well he never did, though I think if he could have gotten away with spending a few hundred he might have done it on the spur of the moment at some point and then gone back on it later. So I pleased I had set that expectation with him as I might have ended up marrying him when it wasn't an ideal relationship.

My husband proposed with a ring that probably cost a few hundred. I knew he couldn't really afford more. I didn't really like the ring at first (though I managed to keep that to myself) but I grew to like it over time as I could see that he had been thinking about me when he chose it.

Jewelry can be so personal it is difficult to pick out for someone else. Though yesterday my husband exceeded expectations with a gorgeous necklace for my birthday. Seems he is getting better at this!

SMto2's picture

Ok. I'm going to be honest here, as this is something with which I've had somewhat recent experience. I was married before at age 20 to a guy who was 22, and had a "small" engagement ring (1/4 ct. marquis--it was the 90's and those were popular then!) It was definitely all he could afford, as he laid it away for about 6 months before. After I graduated law school and became a professional, I started noticing how most other female lawyers had larger diamonds. After we divorced, I happily took off that ring! lol.

Then I met DH, a lawyer like myself, but going through a divorce where he was paying through the nose and took nothing. Before he proposed to me, unbeknownst to me, he pawned a treasured guitar that his dad had given him and bought the nicest ring he could with that. It was an incredible gesture, to say the least. Still, the guitar was no collector's item. ha ha ha. I'm guessing it cost under $3K. While it was nicer than my first engagement ring (it was a 3-stone, with just over 1/3 ct. center and two .25 sides)and I was not embarrassed by it by any means, but it still seemed "small" based on what other ladies I encounter wear. However, I LOVE my DH, and I NEVER said one word to him about it. I would never hurt his feelings that way.

Fast forward to 16 years of marriage. CS had ended and our law firm had a particularly good year, and my DH out of the blue told me he decided for Christmas he wanted me to UPGRADE my ring! I said, "no" at first, but my heart was pretty excited at the thought, and it didn't take long to convince me that's what he really wanted to do, so I obliged. ha ha ha. He wanted me to get a brand new ring, and I told him I'd only do it if I could have a new ring that incorporated my existing ring, since some of the most important and memorable moments of my life happened wearing that ring (besides marrying him, our two boys were conceived and born, my dad took his last breath with me holding his hand, etc.) We went to our local jeweler and she ordered loose diamonds for me to select. That's when I learned about the 4 Cs (or should I say 5 Cs, the 5th being "cost.") ha ha ha. I watched the jeweler custom design my new ring. It's a one-of-a-kind 5-stone ring, with a very nice 2.2 ct. center, and we bought another .33 stone to match my former center stone, which became a second side stone, along with the other two .25 sides, for a total ct weight of 3.36 cts. I won't say the cost, but it's probably close to the cost of an average new vehicle, and insured like one! ha ha ha. Although it may sound materialistic, I think my ring is a source of pride for my DH. I get a LOT of compliments on my ring and notice people looking at it all the time, even though I have gotten used to it and don't think a lot about it. I would never have told my DH that I wanted a bigger ring, but I'm sure glad he decided I needed one!! Now I've decided I'm not shy about telling him that I want an anniversary band to match!! ha ha ha!

BSgoinon's picture

We were dirt poor when we got engaged. My ring was nothing fancy, but I LOVED IT. DH picked it out and it was simply beautiful.

12 years later, I still have that ring... he bought me a new one, bigger, more expensive. I wear it on my right hand. I prefer the original ring that he gave me when our love was new. It reminds me of how far we have come.

I know DH was trying to make up for having purchased a small ring to begin with, I don't know why though. I have never once complained about it. I have never thought twice about it. Maybe it was his own ego. I'm not sure. But when he gave me the new one he told me I deserve all of the diamonds in the world and all of the stars in the sky. I guess maybe he appreciates me Wink

Peridwen's picture

I told DH from the start (when we started talking about marriage) that I don't care about the size of my ring. I would have been happy with a simple band - less chance of losing important stones at the barn. DH used a diamond his grandmother gave him and the rest of the set (engagement + band) was less than half a single paycheck, even after sales tax. I was happy he hadn't spent a lot on it. As it is I'm terrified of losing the diamond in the barn, but ever since BS4 was born I haven't been able to get the ring off.

Honestly I love my ring. It's kind of the opposite of what I would have picked out if I'd chosen, but it means so much to me because DH chose it, and he had a reason for every piece of it.

notsobad's picture

My exH bought me the side ring, not the engagement ring.

In the 80's it was popular to have a single diamond as an engagement ring and then one or two side rings with 3 or 4 smaller diamonds that cup the engagement ring. The tradition was to get the side ring/rings for your first anniversary or birth of the first baby.

I got the side ring with 3 small diamonds as an engagement ring.

Yeah, I was disappointed. He said it was because we'd been together for 3 years. I wondered if he even knew it was a side ring.
Yeah, he did. His buddy who went with him said that the jeweler told him it was a side ring, for an anniversary or baby and showed him the engagement ring.
He didn't want to pay that much so he bought the side ring.

He was able to afford the engagement ring, he was just too cheap.

DH and I went together. He wanted to see the ring on my finger and make sure that I liked it.

It's big, one carat, it's expensive, over 10K, but that's not why I love it.

I love it because when we were picking it out, I wanted something small and not too expensive. He wanted something that would look good on me.
We picked it together, talked and laughed and enjoyed the whole experience.

Turns out that a single classic solitaire is what looks best on me. It looks good on my small hand, it's not garish but sparkles like crazy and even though it's large it doesn't look that big. It's just simple and very pretty.

secret's picture

Thank you.... I'll be wearing them as is for now.

SO mentioned that next summer he'd like to take both those rings, and get them melted down to create another ring. He wants to get a slightly bigger diamond to mount in the center, along with the 2 stones on these two rings on each side...like a trinity ring, I guess... altogether there are 18 smaller diamond accents on both the rings, he wants to put those down the sides (2 on each side) and surround the stones with the rest, 7 on the top and 7 on the bottom.

I told him whatever floats his boat works for me.

hereiam's picture

I love my ring but we picked it out together. He won big at the casino so he could afford more than he should have been able to! But, it would have meant the same to me had it been smaller or less expensive. His heart is in everything he gives me.

Livingoutloud's picture

I love my rings. I chose them myself as DH wanted me to have rings I like. We were looking at rungs and he was watching my facial expression. When he saw my face lit up, he said to a sale person: sold. I didnt need to say anything. He knew. They aren't expensive or traditional but they fit my taste. I don't like traditional rings with big diamonds. I get ton of compliments on my rings . I also don't want to wear a ring that is my DH's three monthly salaries. It would be a very expensive ring. No way. What for. We'd rather spend that money on other things.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

The "salary requirement" was dreamed up by the diamond and jewelry sellers just to increase their sales.

The first time I got married, I got a smaller diamond that was better quality, rather than a bigger one that was of less quality. We picked it out together.

Second marriage I didn't have an engagement ring, we designed a wedding ring together.

Last time I got married (and I do mean last) we eloped and I didn't have a ring at all. Several months later my Mom gave me her ring because she couldn't wear it anymore.I had the stones reset and the jeweler helped me with the design.

DH came with me to pick it up and decided he wanted a ring as well. I was touched he wanted one as he didn't want or have one when he was married the first time. Do to his job he often doesn't wear it at work - but puts it on when he gets home.

Livingoutloud's picture

Three salary requirements (from what I read) come from times when women couldn't support themselves and if a man left (died etc) she'll have a ring to sell if needed to survive for few months. Nowadays women don't need to depend on men

Monchichi's picture

I love my rings and my proposal. It was magical and they are perfect for my small hands. Even if a bigger ring could be afforded late I would still wear my original set because it was given with love and care when you husband picked my ring. That is all that should matter.

mro's picture

We picked our rings out together. First we went to the jewelry stores and heard t be sales pitch then we said the beck with that and bought them on eBay. Mine from an estate jeweler, 1/3 carat diamond in yellow gold with a 2mm band, and his was a new titanium ring. They are completely different but that was fine with us. He didn't say but I think he wanted something totally opposite of his first one. I wanted something traditional but small (he wanted me to get a larger stone but I wanted something more subtle). Total cost for both probably less than $600.

I never had an engagement ring the first time around - I was 19 and we were dirt poor (I know, great reason to get married and have babies, right?) So my ring is extra special to me.

SMto2's picture

I LOVE jewelry from estate jewelers! Very cool to have an interesting piece of jewelry with a history.

TwoOfUs's picture

lol.

We eloped and got plain matching rings from a hippie jeweler in the town we eloped to. DH was broke from the divorce, I was broke bc I quit my job right before the housing market crash of 2008 and hadn't fully recovered yet...think we spent less than 1K on the entire thing, and over half of that was staying in a cool B&B for 2 nights.

Our marriage is solid and the envy of many of our friends...

Cooooookies's picture

We both just moved to England, each having one suitcase holding all of our life's belongings. His parents bought my engagement ring and his wedding band. I did not get my wedding band until 2 years later. It cost less than £200 and I love it. Our marriage took place in a registry office and our party was at SS35's house.

Things and money is not what makes a marriage. I could care less if I had ever afforded a wedding band or had a washer as a ring. I wouldn't trade my DH for all the rings and money in the world.

AshMar654's picture

I love all the responses on here. I did think this girl was kind of shallow. I know my sister-in-law did not like her first ring after a while but they were super young and my brother did not have a ton of money. When they had their first child my brother surprised her with a new ring. She picked it out and got what she wanted it was a super upgrade.

My SO actually surprised me. He had some guidance from me basically saying to him I do not want a diamond and I want sapphire. It is my birth stone so I was not trying to be trendy. One day he sent my a picture of this wedding band with wolves engraved on it as a joke like he wanted that. I found a ring on-line that i liked and said well I want this. I was joking but it was something I liked. He kept that picture and when he went to pick out a ring he showed the sales lady the picture. They laid out a few options for him and told him that a jeweler was just in doing a demo of different gems. She told him that he was showing a really gorgeous sapphire. My ring is a slightly custom as he had the big stone traded out.

I honestly love my ring. He spent way more than I had ever imagined a guy spending on me. It was a very vintage look to it and it is perfect. He really put a ton of thought and effort into it.j

I am so glad everyone posted to this. It is good to know that there are still many people out there that appreciate what they have or upgrade because their DH suggested it, not because they just did not like what they got.

secondplace's picture

I'll be honest here. I do not like my engagement ring at all. DH had lost his job and was going back to school when we got engaged, so there wasn't a lot of money to spend.

We actually went to several pawn shops and he went back and purchased one of the rings we were looking at. After he gave me the ring, I had a good look at it and inscribed on the inside were the words "My Piggy" (I had that removed). Now DH didn't get that done - it was the previous owner! It's like SMto2's first engagement ring - approx 1/4 carat Marquis with 3 shoulder diamonds on each side. Very old fashioned! It wouldn't be so bad if the quality of the ring was decent. It barely shines at all, even after a good cleaning.

I would really like to upgrade the diamond, but I don't want to hurt DH's feeling either.

zerostepdrama's picture

Same here! That's just being honest. And compared to my friends and most of the people I am around I have the smallest ring. Also add that it isn't my style of ring.

I do know that DH spent his income tax return check on the ring. $1,000. He could have spent it on anything else. But he took that money and bought me a ring that would be given to me as he asked to spend the rest of his life with me. To me that means everything.

At the end of the day it isn't about the ring it's the actual marriage that is important. Sure I would like a "nicer" ring but really it's not that important. We have too many other things that we are trying to accomplish and pay for.

secondplace's picture

I agree Zero. It's the feelings that matter, not the ring.

But that being said, if he suggested I upgrade the diamond, I don't think I'd object.

secondplace's picture

I agree Zero. It's the feelings that matter, not the ring.

But that being said, if he suggested I upgrade the diamond, I don't think I'd object.

justkeepstepping's picture

I bought my wedding set and DH's wedding band when we got married 4 years ago. We kind of did it backwards. We didn't have a proposal. We sat and talked one night and decided it was time to get married. From talk to wedding was only 5 months. I bought the rings, DH's mother planned and paid for the wedding, and DH's dad and SM picked the minister. We drove 10 hours to DH's home town for our wedding. The only member of my family that was there was DS.

I bought my set on clearance and only spent $600. I haven't wore my rings in about a year. I gained weight with DD and didn't want to resize it. I've actually been wearing a stainless CZ ring for a while now. Paid $15.00 for it Lol

DH's ring had since cracked in an accident at work. He hasn't wore a ring in a while. He's talking about just getting a silicone one instead. Had his wedding band been made out of gold it would have taken his finger off.

moeilijk's picture

There's a lot of immaturity about the significance of material items in the world. I think my engagement ring is about DH and I deciding together that we want to walk through life together. I don't give a rat's @ss about how much it cost or what percentage of his income it cost, because it's just a symbol. What's left over goes to our life together, and that's worth way more than what other people think about a ring I wear.

tiggidy08's picture

My DH surprised me with a ring. I'm not much of a jewelry person nor a diamond ring person. I told him if I ever got a ring, it'd be a white gold london blue topaz (I am in love with the ocean and all things related, that topaz reminds me of it). I also don't like seeing prongs on a ring. I'm pretty picky.

The ring he picked out is from the art deco era, with floral like filigree. It has a .66ct center diamond, a sapphire on either side and a no visible prong setting. It was much more than he could afford or I would have ever asked for. I am absolutely in love with it and he felt like I deserved more in such an important piece of jewelry. He still talks about upgrading it, but I think he's crazy.

I would have married him with no ring at all.