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Can't we all just get along?

anotherlazydaze's picture

When I first starting dating my BF I was nervous to tell him anything about my previous relationship. In all honesty, I was really embarrassed that I let myself be treated badly by a man. I was embarrassed that I spent three years with someone and I couldn't see just how bad of a person he really was.
Now I think my BF is feeling the same thing. I think he is embarrassed by his ex's constant harassing him and her eratic behavior, so he hasn't been telling me about it.
So my boss is starting a new business. Long story short, I didn't know where she worked until her name came up as I was putting together an invitation list for the kick-off party. She happens to work for a company that could be vital for the business. I mentioned this to BF and he said to take her off the list because she will sabotage the business if she knows I even work there.
And I thought it was all blowing over like he said it would. But it's not. And I thought it was all blowing over because he's not telling me what she's saying and doing because I think he's embarrassed that he has this kind of baggage. And I think he thinks that I'll leave him because I won't want to deal with his baggage. I can deal with the baggage, the thing I can't deal with is secrets. I know we all have them, and there are certainly things that are better left unsaid, but this isn't one of them. If there is a threat to our relationship, or to me personally (and I believe that she has threatened me), I feel he should tell me, and I feel that we should handle it as a couple. Instead he tries to micromanage everything to appease both me and her and I think he's going to find that it gets rather tiresome.
Last night I was laying on the couch, with BF laying on my shoulder, and his son in my lap. I was so happy and content that I teared up. I love these two men so much. It's ironic that when we first starting dating I didn't want BF to be friendly with her. Be careful what you wish for. Now all I want is for everyone to just get along. And that's not about me, it's about the child that they both love, that I fell in love with. Doesn't he deserve better than this?


Dawn-Moderator's picture

In a perfect world everybody would get along. However, you can't change biomom. It can't be done no matter how much you want it or how hard you try. All you can do is do what you can on your end. Love your boyfriend, love his son and forge ahead.

However, I would want to know if the ex was threatening me, though. Your boyfriend should tell you if the ex is going after you personally. If nothing else, so you have your guard up.


anotherlazydaze's picture

Last night when I was pulling into my driveway an overwhelming fear took hold of me because I saw a white Escalade right behind me. That's what she drives. Apparently my neighbor has one and I just never noticed until now. But I don't like this feeling of thinking that I have to look over my shoulder. My guard is definately up. Every time I leave his house I'm looking around for her car. I don't know if I'm being irrational, but she's proven to be unpredictable, and she's desperate to have him back. And desperate people do desperate things. I'm just scared, and it doesn't help that BF and I have both been so busy this week that we haven't even seen each other. I feel like I'm dealing with all these feelings and fears alone, and it's his baggage, not mine. Shouldn't he be my shoulder to cry on?