For me, its having my exH pay BMs CS! It also helps that there is no court order making us do it. That would piss me the hell off!

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

There is only one thing that makes paying CS easier. That is a court document that says final payment July1, 09. Also, a document that says the day the CS ends Bm loses 200,000 life insurance policy.

Cruella situation is an usual one. She has been the sole provider for her skds and basically a single parent. She deserves CS and I hope she gets it. Her skds are little kds and in my case my oldest one should be graduating from college.

when receipts are submitted for approved and kid focused expenses.

Food, Clothing, School supplies, medications, extracurricular fees and equipment, food, clothing, food clothing .....

If CS could only be used for specific kid related expenses and the at will supplemental income for the CP tendency could be eliminated then there would be less of a bad taste in the mouths of the NCPs.

Also, if the amounts of food, clothing, etc.... was specifically correlated to the number of children under a Support Order so that the NCP would know that the CS dollars provided by that NCP were being used only for that NCP's children.

Often CS appears to be used to support non joint children that the CP might have either through having them with a new partner or when the CPs new partner brings their own children in to the mix.

The frustration would seem to come not from the NCP having to pay CS but from poor choices of how the CP uses the CS money.

As a custodial StepParent who is married the recipient of CS I don't have any experience with this perspective but it seems reasonable to me that an NCP should have some level of assurance and confidence that CS is used for only their BioKid's support and not for life style improvements for the X or for the X's new partner or non-joint children.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications)

It would make it much easier if the amount paid was a percentage ALWAYS...so if the DH income went up, it went up, if it went down, it went down. This using a percentage and then making that a SET amount until the ex-witch decides she wants more, is ridiculous...The only kids that are allowed to reduce their standard of living are those whose parents are not divorced...

In addition, the CP should have to show the ENTIRE amount of CS plus THEIR PART is actually spent on the child...ie. not that if I pay 500USD that is spent on the child, but that if I pay 500USD and her obligation is 400USD, that she proves that not only does she spend MY money on the child, but that she ALSO spends the same amount of money on that ONE child each and every month...and if she doesn't, she should be held in contempt. It's ridiculous for a parent to pay CS and for the CP to be able to not spend any of their money on the child...

And no, I don't agree with the trade of CS for "taking care of the child...", NUMEROUS NCPs would take custody...it seems too many CPs are bothered with taking care of their own kids and want somebody to PAY them to take care of their own kids...that is ridiculous...Nobody pays me to take care of my own kid...

I think you misunderstood the "trade of CS for being a CP"...I have no problem with CS...but there is a difference between paying 250USD a month for a child (by the NCP) and the CP also paying their 250USD towards that child for the month so that the total cost of a child is 500USD a month, plus the CP normally gets the tax credit, which adds to this...and a CP that wants 500USD or more for one child with the reason that "they take care of the child full time"...

Unfortunately there are some CPs out there who want only a "reasonable" amount of CS and they ALSO spend a reasonsable amount of their money on the kids per month...and then get no help from the NCP...but there are WAY TOO MANY CPs who only use the NCP's money on the child, if they even use it on the child and then want the NCP to have no contact or say in what happens in the child's life...and then complain that the are doing it all alone...

Again, every situation is different...but in our case, it doesn't take us 900USD a month to raise our special needs child...I KNOW it can't possibly cost the witch 900USD a month to raise her child...in addition, she does complain that daddy is no longer involved...HOWEVER, it was she who would not answer daddy's calls, that when daddy would call his daughter on the cell would not allow her daughter to answer...would tell her other kids if daddy called to tell him that SD was not available...and the very few times that DH was able to contact her or his daughter and he was ticked off about her failing school and being on myspace at 2AM on a school night, or dating and posting pics of french kissing her new boyfriend at age 12, 13, 14...BM would either hang up and tell him it wasn't his business or just no answer...and somehow, she can go to other people and complain he is not involved...

PS - sorry for taking over the post, but I wanted to explain...

"Being a CP to 3 kids is grueling to me at times especially since ALL of my free time is devoted to the children because one parent won't do her job." That is totally MY life!! With a BM who chose to "go live her life" and pays no CS whatsoever, (hell, we don't even know where she is) coupled with a DH who is self employed and as u know in this economy work is slow, it is I who must pick up the slack. I am the one who juggles to pay health insurance premiums, dentist bills, doctor bills, meds, etc. as well as the daily expenses of three skids. I gave up long ago on my expectation that BM would take on the responsibility of helping support the children SHE bore and have adjusted my life to making sure the kids r taken care of properly. When DH and I married we were EOW, but life changes and so does the step situation. I agree that when u marry a man with children you know the man has an obligation to those children. I also agree with Here, in that many times the custodial parent does have control over the amount of interaction the ncp has with the child. This is not fair, as long as the ncp is paying cs and wants a relationship with the child. In my case, however, since BM has abandoned skids and pays nothing...it is the skids that have written her out of their lives, not DH and I. They are the ones who choose not to respond to BMs once every six months text message. And to Cruella...please know I am sure that there are many of us cp sms who know exactly how u feel....I have followed yur posts because yur life seems similar to mine and I have gotten alot of advice out of what u have had to say about the 3 skids custodial situation...I just try to live by the idea that when u do the right thing, eventually the right things will come back to u I know alot of people on here have gotten the impression that I have this perfect step situation - far from it- I guess I just try to focus on the positive partsrather than dwell on the parts that I know are never going to change.

"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"

what it would be like to be stepmom to 3 kids! It's hard enough with just ONE (and she's actually a good one!)

My heart and salute goes out to you Cruella / Lotus ... and any other step that has to deal with a BROOD!!