I always consider it.

DH had a great relationship with my bio's as long as SD was gone, not that she has returned with some moderate to severe issues my kids are the devil reincarnated. Funny how that has changed.

In regards to my childrens SM, I have always told my children from the day my ex husband brought her into his house. I dont care if you like her or hate her, you will show her respect because how you treat people reflects upon how I have raised you.

Now I have had times where I have had to intervene between my children and their step mother but I never do this with her directly. I didnt marry her or have sex with her or procreate with her, Im not parenting with her. Things that I have had to address I have addressed in a non threatening way with my EX husband.

Just goes to show I am not unreasonable, I am just dealing with issues with DH, his kids and his Ex who are all bat shit cray cray.

Nope.

my kids don't have a sm, and even if bd17 ever does get one (unlikely), she will be an adult and it won't matter how sm feels because her worthless father doesn't have anything to do with her anyway. if she acted anything like sd20 does, i would kick her ass myself. and that's just the thing. i can correct my kids behavior. i don't get to do that with sd20. if someone, anyone!-had ever bothered to teach her how to behave, i might not feel the way i do.

as for bs, he is a very difficult child and i know no sm would ever want to deal with him. i don't even want to deal with him half the time! he doesn't have a sm, fdh and i are together. if that were to ever happen and she didn't want my son around, he always has a home with me and i would be his primary home anyway (fdh knows he wouldn't be able to handle it alone), so it wouldn't be any big deal to me. that would be for sm and fdh to handle between themselves. and same as with bd, if he were to grow up and act like sd does, mine would be the first foot in his ass!

I consider it as well, because my bios can be ROTTEN at times, but they actually are better for EXH and their SM than they are for me, well BD is...she and I butt heads due to personality type LOL. So I don't think it happens, but if it does, it's EXH and SM's right to have their vent or opinion.

SM has been in their life since they were very young, and she loves them like her own, I have heard she can't have any of her own but it's not my place to ask or speak of it), and her and EXH will not hesitate to let me know if there are any issues. I've taught them from day 1 of her being involved that they must respect her and EXH and their relationship just like any other adults and parents. There are times where sometimes SM goes a little overboard (signing permission slips but she's not a guardian), but I know she truly cares and means well.

Nah, my exh doesn't date much. Besides the fact that I adore my stepson... so no name calling on my side.

I have however been on the side of being in the middle of one of exh and his (exnow) GF's. Not physically... but when I asked where she had been, exh told me he broke up with her because in the middle of an arguement completely UNrelated to me or my kids she asked him if he was even sure if the girls were his. :jawdrop: OF COURSE they are. We were married for 2 years before I ever got pregnant, who's else would they be? Which was funny because I was always super nice to her, and NEVER EVER EVER crossed any boundaries. He said he IMMEDIATELY kicked her out of his house and hasn't spoken to her since. I don't think my exh would tolerate anyone bad mouthing me or my kids sadly... even if we deserve it. He kinda looks for excuses to NOT get serious.

Nope! I think it all comes down to HOW the children have been Raised!!! Ive raised my DD8 with a strong sense of Values, Morals & A deep sense of how to treat others!! My DD8 is Very kind to others & she treats people with Respect, and she Knows I wont tolerate anything less!!!

My Ex had a serious Girlfriend/Fiance for 3 yrs. Sadly their relationship dissolved last year. Her & I had talked many times & she said emphatically that DD8 was a very sweet girl to her & she knew I specifically taught my DD8 to treat her right. I backed her up when consequences (tho few) came up & she was great to my DD8!! They had a really good relationship.

My DH has an excellent relationship with my DD8 as well. They have since day 1!! But again, its all in how you raise them!!! I back him 100% of the time & she respects him & doesnt treat him like my SSs treat me!!!

My SSs have NOT been raised the same way!!!! They have been taught by BM (not discreatly either!!) to NOT respect me. They barely have manners & what manners they do have- Ive been instrumental in teaching them simple manners like- no hitting each other when you loose a darn video game, no running & horseplay during dinner at a restaraunt, etc. my gosh they were little terrors back then!! My DH & I TRY to instill Morals, Manners & stuff when we have them-- but live a state away & sadly dont see them enough to make that big difference like we wish we could. BM SUCKS & seems to care less how the turn out!! DHs eldest, SS14, is currently getting Ds & Fs yet shes enrolled him in every extra curricular known to man!!! Makes me ill !! She doesnt care about their Values & Moral conduct. Nope!!! Shes more interested in buying them Aeropostle & Abercrombie. Wants them to be "Popular". Yep. Shes said that to me. She runs out & buys the newest expensive gagets & never ever disciplines them!!!

So its NO wonder why my SS11 is the holy terror that he is, is it? SS14 doesnt even try to get desent grades anymore. Hes flunking gym even-- cause he "forgets" his gym clothes!!! Erm, its his First class of the day!!! Id be sending his butt to school IN his gym clothes then & puttimg his reg clothes in his gym bag everyday- DH suggested that to BM-- she shot it down quickly saying "that would embarrass him. Ya know hes popular". Blah blah. Im not sure what kind of futures she sees for her boys. It sad!!!

I really think it boils down to How you raise your kids!! & if you get stuck with a BM that takes pleasure in making your life hell & then the skids follow her lead & her words!! & if BM doesnt understand what "Boundaries" are!! Ive never ever crossed boundaries with my ex & his SO!!! I think those things are what makes us not like Them!!

My son's father is not a part of his life so the SM is not a part of his life.

If she/they were, they would realize what a great person they are missing out on. I have raised my son by myself while going to college to better myself as well. His manners, etc. are what I taught him. He is a much better kid than one would expect from a child with no father's presence.

Nope. My kids dont have a sm. Does my dh get annoyed by my bios (his skids)? Sure. Do I have problem with that? Nope.

I did not technically ban my ss from my home, but would if it came down to that. As my priority is protecting my bio children and not to mention my peace of mind. If my own bios went into anyones home and acted the way ss did for years, then I would fully EXPECT them to be banned. And I would agree that a ban was necessary.

No. Did that happen to you?

No. My daughter has never punched another child in the face for no reason at the dinner table, made up false accusations of sexual or other kinds of abuse about a parent or their significant other, or called the police while babysitting her siblings for 30 minutes to claim they were being abandoned because she was not going to be paid for it.

It takes quite a bit for a person to be dangerous enough to be banned from a household...like being mental for years, since a two year old child that has to be hospitalized for rages and beating other children daily and tormenting animals and years of constant eggshells and drama and manipulation and lies and conflict where every single other member of the household lives in constant fear of what the crazy girl will threaten or do next. My banned member stays with her mother because she is the only one who can handle her, and my daughter is nothing like her.

So... under no circumstances should a minor child be banned from the home?

I can immediately sound off a hell of a lot of scenarios where they can and should and it is recommended they be. Whether they are from an intact family or not.

The magical number it seems, to be able to call someone with names is 18. Whoo boy, can't wait for the day I can call my psycho of a niece (second cousin in english) the b word... that's like... only a year away. Then the gloves are off. And she'll get to vote too! Mazel tov!

Yeah, I dont really get the name calling thing. I think the strongest thing I've said against my ss is that he is an "asshole" and he certainly is. But, ya know, I've also told my dh he is an asshole. I've told my bios that they are acting like brats, stinkers, buttheads, and yes, I believe i've even told ds13 that he is acting like an asshole-when he was acting like an... asshole.

Dont mistake me I dont go around calling people names on a regular basis-but sure-Ive referred to lots and lots of people by a "name" here and there. For some reason, no one really takes issue with it unless it is a poor helpless skid you are calling a name.

I have no children and DO NOT WANT anybody else's kids and their problems foisted off on me. Which is why more than once I refused to marry a man with minor kids.

DH has one adult skid who could drop dead as far as I am concerned. Although I have never explicitly stated that to DH.

I do not now and never will have bios, so I'm okay there.