Getting the cops involved
Have you or your partners ever had to do this before with BM? We didn't go this route. I feel that it could be very traumatizing to the kids, but on the other hand, you can't let BM walk all over you.
For those of you who've gone this route, how did it affect the kids? Do they not talk about it? How do they express their feelings on this? How has it affected your skids? Did they actually see BM get arrested?
My heart goes out to all kids who've been put in that situation.
- Anon2009's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
We will use them if we have
We will use them if we have to now that the judge has told us to.... We have gotten the court ordered modified to add specific do's and don'ts on her part. she is been really nasty over the past 6 years and left a paper trail. . . . that we used against her in court.
so we are hoping with the new court order specifically speaking about alienation and contempt charges we will not have to use it.
********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************
When you "have" to do
When you "have" to do something, you have to do something. Calling the cops is FAR FAR better than hoping to enact the law yourself and enforce it.
We have a psycho, self centered bio mom who thinks she is far bigger than her panties and we have to do what we have to do to protrect ourself or she would walk into our home and do what she pleased.
The police were called on her several times and the 3rd time the police went to her house and told her
1. We were not the ones breaking the law and starting trouble
IN FRONT OF HER KIDS
and
2. the next time they saw her she would be going to jail.
It was only after that she stopped bothering us.
She has now moved on to a new man in her life to terrorize, although after 4 years he is just now moving in with her
( he will not marry her apparently) as he will need a place to stay after he sells his house and before he buys a new one.
Police are a good thing and there is only shame in not using them when you should be. Taking the law into ones own hands is not the answer.
My DH and I have discussed
My DH and I have discussed using the police in the past, but haven't. DH thinks it would be traumatizing to his kids to have them involved.
I say it's ok to call them. Some BM's need that added incentive to follow the court orders. For some reason, some BM's think that what the judge says is just a guideline or something they don't always have to follow. That's fine BM, I'll make sure you know the deal....
"To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there." ~Barbara Bush
I have a question about
I have a question about this. My FH's decree says the stbSSs are not to reside at BMs parents residence (long story short, there *were* drugs involved and domestic violence between the g-rents) and are only to visit as long as BM or FH are present. BM ended up moving into the trailer next to her parents house instead of living in their house and does actually leave stbSS12 there sometimes when she is out (she claims she never does, but SS12 has "slipped" telling us during conversations). When she is home they stay over there all day and night and only really sleep at their own place which technically isn't violating the decree. Is the leaving alone violation of the decree something you could actually call the cops about or is it a having to go to court for contempt thing? We are trying to figure out how to enforce this part of the decree and just "stbSS12 said he was there alone" isn't really going to cut it.
This is not a criminal
This is not a criminal violation. You will have to file a motion for contempt.
Thanks, that's what I
Thanks, that's what I thought. I saw Pnut's comment about Judge "guidelines" and became curious. I have a few more questions about this so I'll post my own blog. Thanks again for the reply.
My husband and I had to do
My husband and I had to do this twice. The kids never saw the police. The first time, we let her take the kids with her and then called the police and filed a report. The second time we had their mother served with a trespass warning at her place of employment. She is no longer allowed near my home and if she gets within 50 feet of my home, she's going to jail.
Thankfully this is a non-issue now as we are in the process of relocating. My husband has already moved so all of his visits are either where he is now or he just has lunch with them. They do not come to my home.
Yes got the cops
Yes got the cops involved!
My oldest step son was living with his mother at the time with her new abusive over critical husband.
So SS17 spent most of his time getting grounded for small things.
He couldn't hardly get off grounded because of what ever the next small thing he would do wrong.
One day SS15 at the time was walking out of the apartment and SF runs outside and tackles him and drags him into the house for some more needed perfection to be placed on him.
After hearing about this one it took quit o bit of patience to not go over there and beat the -uck out of him.
So I called his real dad and told him we need to call the cops on him. He agreed and we did.
after we told the police the story he asked the SS15 if he wanted to press charges.
He asked what would happen if he did...
He said, "Well your mother will go to jail."
My son said No sir, this is my step dad doing this. Not my mom.
The cop said it's your mom's job to protect you and she is clearly... letting this abuse happen!
Of course SS15 didn't want mom to go to jail so he did not press charges.
So we got mom aside in private and told her.
This is what will happen to her the next time the Step Dad gets abusive with anyone. She was in tears, and got pissed at her son for the trouble he is creating.
The son said, it stops now. Control him, or risk everything because of him.
It is VERY traumatic on a
It is VERY traumatic on a kid I assure you. When I was about 6 years old my parents went through a bad time and even separated. My dad and my aunt took me and my brother and hid us. The police found us quickly and I remember watching my dad being put into one police car and us into another. It's HORRIBLE I tell you. The worst part is that these memories were suppressed for about 15 years and one day out of the blue they came crashing in on me, triggered by something I saw in real life. I asked about it and was told the story that yes my memory was real but it would not be discussed so I was left to deal with it on my own. I did deal with it fine but when those memories first resurfaced... OMG... it was so so bad!