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Considering adoption and how it would affect skids.

Anon2009's picture

Have any of you adopted?

I had a very severe miscarriage a few years ago and neither DH nor I feel like getting pregnant again. We are thinking about adopting an orphaned baby or young child from Haiti, China or the Dominican Republic.

I really would like to do this. DH would, too. SDs would love to have a new brother or sister, and we'd get them very involved in decorating the child's room, helping us choose a name, etc.

However, before I make any final decision, I want to hear about how you try to "soften the blow" for both skids and your bios. How do you reassure them that Dad loves them equally? What do you say to skids when they do not go on a vacation with you and your bios? I ask because of the recent vacation blog. I am a stepkid myself but have never dealt with that topic. My mom and stepdad took all of us kids (me and his kids) on vacations. My dad and stepmom never took me on a vacation. But I've never dealt with taking only bios on vacation. As far as your bios go, is there every jealousy that skids get two sets of everything, ie. two Christmases, two birthdays, etc.? How do you discuss that with them? How do you deal with skids and biokids showing their jealousy towards each other, and how do you help them to handle their jealousy?

How do you handle trying to make everyone feel loved equally, even though people's feelings are bound to get hurt sometimes?

Comments

soverysad's picture

The best thing to remember is that fair doesn't always mean equal. Skids get two of everything and biokids may get vacations that skids are excluded from. It all balances out. Kids get jealous. The important thing is that it is handled and not catered to.

I think adopting is the same as having a child as far as explaining it to the kids. I always say that hearts grow and that is how there is enough love to go around. I know it is simplistic, but it really is all there is to it.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

There IS a difference between having a different opinion and being an asshole, find it.

Amazed's picture

I don't have any advice on this topic but I just wanted to say it's really great that you're considering adoption! My mom was adopted and I know it takes special parents to open their hearts and adopt a baby who needs a home.