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NO, BioHo

Aniki's picture

Remember when BioHo texted me a couple weeks ago? 
     cn we tlk

When DH and I finally "caught up" with one another that weekend, he rolled his eyes and said, "Just f*cking ignore her." Which I did. Well, BioHo doesn't like being ignored.

DH's car needed some work so he decided to take the day off and surprise me. SO sweet of him as I've been very stressed lately. I came home (ready to chew rebar) to a trail of silk rose petals from the kitchen door, down the hallway, and into the bedroom. No lights, but a bunch of jar candles. And set up on the bed was a lovely 'picnic' of cheese, crackers, veggies, cold shrimp, smoked trout... and DH wearing only a pair of shorts holding a bottle of my favorite champagne! (Have I mentioned I totally adore my husband?)

I'm halfway through a glass of champagne and getting a LOVELY foot massage when there's a knock at the door. We ignored, thinking it was probably an Amazon delivery.

Louder knock.
Continue to ignore.
LOUDER AND LONGER knock and my phone dings that I have a text message. DH hands me my phone.

       is me cn we tlk

DH: Who is it?
Me: BioHo
DH: SONOFAF*CKINGB!TCH!!! Drink your champagne, baby. I'll be right back!

~stomps to the door and FLINGS it open~

DH: WTF do you want?
Ho: Oh I um what are YOU doing here?
DH: I f*cking LIVE here. WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
Ho: I wanted to talk to Aniki.
DH: Aniki is busy.
Ho: ~hurriedly~ I need to talk to her about SD22!
DH: No.
Ho: What??
DH: I said NO.
Ho: You can't tell her...
DH: OH YES I F*CKING CAN. SD22 is MY GD daughter.
Ho: Well Aniki...
DH: Aniki has NOTHING to do with SD22 and her shit behavior.
Ho: SD22 needs...
DH: To grow the f*ck up. AND YOU NEED TO GET OFF MY GD PORCH.

DH: Now. Where were we, baby?
Pretty much just drooling over your machismo, DH.


Siemprematahari's picture

Lawd have mercy the nerve of this woman!!!!

How I crush on your H Aniki! I hope you thanked him for a job well done....


Aniki's picture

Oh, I thanked him. As soon as I got done drooling and he finished up that foot massage. I thanked him. And thanked him...

justmakingthebest's picture

My DH would have been SUPER rewarded for that! 

Is it wrong that this read like a dirty fantasy book page to me? LOL

Aniki's picture

Is it wrong that this read like a dirty fantasy book page

NOT AT ALL! It's things like this I want to write in my own personal little black book of fantasies and relive...

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Your DH... Needs to teach mine how to be romantic... Mine brought me a snickers bar yesterday as a surprise and called it good. LOL

Aniki's picture

PA, my DH swears he isn't romantic. But on rare occasion, he does something like this. The moments are few and VERY far between, but (IMO) that makes them more meaningful.

BTW, do you LIKE Snickers? That means he's thinking of you. Smile

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I do like snickers. And yes that does mean he was thinking of me. Smile

But that was damn romantic of your DH!

Aniki's picture

He later admitted he'd bought the rose petals for Valentine's Day but forgot them. I don't care! lol

ndc's picture

LOL.  I'd take a Snickers bar over candles, flower petals and a foot massage any day.  I mean, it's chocolate.  And nougat.  And caramel.  And peanuts.  Now I'm hungry.

Now, what Aniki's awesome hubby did definitely seems more romantic.  But I really like a Snickers bar.

Aniki's picture

Ndc, as much as I like chocolate (and Snickers), I'll take that smoked trout EVERY time!

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

LMAO. He's good at food and little gifts I admit. But when it comes to little romantic gestures. He definitely has a man brain. Wink

The snickers was yummy... However I was trying to go sugar free starting yesterday and it kind of ruined that... LOL

Step-girlfriend's picture

Ha, mine brought me Nutrageous candy bars! After our recent issues, I laid the law down pretty hard and told him things change NOW. None of this half-assed, barely trying crap anymore. I told him it wouldn't kill him to think of nice things to do for me occasionally and then DO it. I do that for him and skids all the time. My love language is receiving gifts! I told him, hell, you could buy me my favorite candy bar (the elusive Nutrageous) and It would completely make my week. But let's be kind to each other and try to do nice things!

The next day 5 King-sized Nutrageous's were waiting for me on the counter when I got home from work. lol. I was thrilled!

Aniki's picture


hereiam's picture

I knew it was about SD22.

I can't believe she just showed up at your house like that.

I love your DH's potty mouth!

Aniki's picture

Of course it's about SD22! DH refuses to pay for ANYTHING for SD22 - who moved out of the 'Ho House on Feb 1 and is now going back to school in the Fall. And since CS ended almost 2 years ago, the only way 'Ho can try to use DH as an ATM is through the skids. Isn't it funny how 'Ho never "needed" to talk to me in 9 years until SD22 "needed" money?

Do you think it's wrong of me to get turned on when he's like that? Dirol

futurobrillante99's picture

Sh*t, Aniki, I AM TURNED ON by what your DH did. How wrong is that? You should totally run with it.

Aniki's picture

FB, I keep replaying him saying "I f*cking LIVE here". Maybe I'll stay up past my bedtime and jump him when he gets home...

Cover1W's picture

oh dear lord, heart palpitations! LOL.

I see little glimmers of this here and there with DH...the SD15 travel story continues as things came to a head last night (and ruined OUR romantic plans - it's like icewater thrown over us) and I think he's just done with it/her/BM at this point.  He's either going to call or email BM tonight...

Aniki's picture

Cover, that text and the repeated knocking was definitely some proverbial ice water, but I got over it quickly when DH went into action.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

He needs to tell her not to step foot on his property ever again or he will have her arrested.

Get it on paper and make a copy for the police. 

Aniki's picture

Aw, SayNo, that would ruin the entertainment!

I must say that it's a good thing I wasn't taking a drink when DH said, "I f*cking LIVE here" - I would have spewed champagne all over the place!

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

I would have beat my DH to the door and screamed at the bitch to clear off of my property or *else.* 

But, I have anger issues and I *hate* Biowh0re!

Aniki's picture

Believe me, I am NO fan of BioHo's. But I'm very much enjoying it when DH gives her hell!

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Even I feel good reading about your DH putting his wh0re ex in her place! I would want to pleasure my DH if he read Biowh0re the riot act lol! 

tog redux's picture

Well, we see where SD22 gets her tactics from.  What does she think you are going to do to help?

shamds's picture

Will convince her husband to pay child support to adult kids from exwife? Is she stupid??

Aniki's picture

Yes, hon, 'Ho IS stupid. Don't get me wrong - she's quite conniving and manipulative. But when Smarts were being handed out, she was probably behind the building giving someone "service"...

shamds's picture

He’d gone through all that effort for an intimate night and get you both in the mood and exwife decides she can just come unannounced to talk to you about their kid?? Talk about ruining the mood so no wonder your husband was pissed off...

advice.only2's picture

What a man what a man what a mighty good man!!! To throw it back to some Salt and Peppa! Your DH is pure gold Aniki.

Step-girlfriend's picture

What a psycho!! Who just shows up at someone's house and then continues knocking?! I was torn between your DH ignoring the whore or giving her hell, and I must say the giving hell seems to be the winning response.

Aniki's picture

Everyone knows that - 97% of the time - if my car is there that I'm home. 'Ho used to stalk the house all the bloody time - willing to bet she still does on occasion. And this definitely shows that SD22 is a mini 'Ho with the same annoying persistence!


Monkeysee's picture

Officially president of your DH’s fan club!! Crushing so hard Aniki, he just keeps getting better! Wink

Aniki's picture

Monkey, he foolishly thinks he's gotten more and more UNattractive as he ages. Wrong! He's a fine wine, IMO.

Cooooookies's picture

LMAO you just couldn't even make this stuff up!!  She has impeccable last time when she saw your bare bum in a frilly apron.  Seriously, though, your DH is just delicious!

Aniki's picture

Oh, yes. And DH had the biscuit basket covering his junk. Bahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
At least he was wearing shorts this time!

I admit that I am positively gaga over him. Yahoo

thinkthrice's picture

don't "get it" like your DH does!!!!   Has he thought about teaching a class or doing a pod cast that could be monetized? 

Getting Back Your Spine for Divorced Men 101

Aniki's picture

Thrice, I believe that he has simply reached his saturation point with all of the BS. He's older, crotchety-er, and has lost his tolerance for it. I'm certain he would help SD out with something, shall we say, PRACTICAL?? Her car on the fritz or the pilot light on the furnace needs replacing. But he's done being the Cash Bull for Bull Shite.