off topic ...sort of
Letter to DH:
I'll start by saying I love you. Because I do. Right now, I don't like you. The difference between the two of us is that I know the two emotions can exist together in one person. I'm honest about how I feel with you and you get mad, hurt and blame yourself and pout. You're honest with me I get mad and hurt and somehow you still end up twisting it to where I am supposed to be feeling pity for you and blaming you for everything. I don't work like that. I tell you how I'm FEELING. I am not assigning BLAME. I take ownership of my feelings for hells sake. Like last night. I could have said to the lady I wasn't introduced to that you were chatting with that I wasn't your first wife as she assumed, but I didn't. I was annoyed that you didn't bother saying "hey this is my old neighbor" to me or "this is my wife angel" to her but I could have spoken up as well. Rude on your part, but I'm not usually so timid so I could have done something too. Please stop putting words in my mouth when I don't say something. Especially negative ones. Don't tell me I hate my job, because I don't. I actually love my job. I'm frustrated with it. We're understaffed and overworked and you know this, so why are you twisting it? Don't project things. If you tell me one more time I'm not trying with your youngest son, I may scream. Especially after that nightmare trip. Especially after all the bs and then you still had the nerve to say that we "were at each other from the beginning". I don't know where you were. But we got along fine the first year. Until he realized I wasn't leaving. And mommy dearest realized dad was happy. But selective memory is fabulous around here. Yes I'm angry DH. I'm angry because I've said these things time and time again. You want me to change and try and be supportive and clean up the messes of this dysfunctional family like an acrobat juggling and not complain while doing it when you know damn when I'm an opinionated hard headed stubborn bitch who was married to an abusive alcoholic narcissistic asshole control freak before who played mind games for fun. I educated myself on that nightmare and refuse to play any games again. When I disengage it annoys you and you feel you are "losing me". Yes. Yes you are. Because I won't participate in crazy. Whether it is from you, your son, or my son, or anyone else for that matter. You've seen that I've cut out toxic family members where and when possible. I've cut out friends that were not really. I am still trying to find out who I am and you seem to be taking it as a personal attack. Well, DH here is my thought: they say daughters grow up to marry men like their daddies. I hope that's not true. I hope she finds someone who continues to encourage her to better herself. Even if it scares him. Because people who love people encourage the ones they love to be the best they can be.