And now she just slapped him with contempt
Does anyone think it's pure insanity the amount of messages I write on here with what BM does?? I do. But I have nobody to talk to about this so sorry! Lol!! Anyway, she just filed for contempt. She said that I "left SS at his baseball field alone" (I dropped him off at practice) and when DH came to pick him up he screamed at her in front of the kids. So he's in contempt (that never happened)
she is also dating it's contempt that he told them that because SS called me a name that he would "take away their sports" What actually happened is SS was writing talking shit to BM on text and DH told him he saw it and said "if you talk badly about me and your stepmom, you are going to have a consequence. If you speak badly about us, don't expect me to take you places. It's hard for me to do nice things for you when you are being rude"
but.... the bad part is he did slip snd tell the kids the reason they got divorced is because mom cheated. Ugh! He felt like crap but SS was screaming at him telling him it was all his fault, that things were fine until I came in the picture, mom told us everything" DH finally hit his limit and blurted out "uhhhh you gave it all wrong son, your mom cheated with the neighbor" he instantly regretted it and that was the one and only time he had ever spoke poorly about mom and what does she do?? Slap him with contempt. Ugh!
And I'm not taking them to practice anymore. She can drag herself to our house and get them from now on. I "left him" give me a break. I took him to practice, watched him walk to the field until he was with his coach and teammates then left. Perfectly normal.
For your sake, you need to completely step away from this mess
For your sake, you need to completely step away from this mess. She is going to be coming after you more and more - don't give her the opportunity. You should not be doing anything alone with the kids and should not be doing any transporting at all.
And I agree, this and the request for medical records is the beginning of the blowback from your DH being honest with the kids. But, as crazy as she is, if it wasn't that, it would have been something else that set her off. You and your DH have my sympathy, she is one of the most difficult BMs on this site.
Oh I know. She is dangerous
Oh I know. She is dangerous and it feels like nobody will help us. It's so bad. She is really dark and REALLY good at this. It's depressing as hell! I really have never seen anything like this in my life.
She's never going to stop. DH
She's never going to stop. DH is beside himself. We need to step away from these kids completely. I'm scared he is going to have a breakdown. Nobody can deal with this level of psychological abuse and not break. She is relentless and so sick. Sooooo sick and nobody sees it because she hides it so well and then we look like the crazy ones. I don't know what he's going to do but he's going to end up crazy if he keeps fighting her. She's a complete monster.
Were there any witnesses to
Were there any witnesses to what actually happened? The dad who waited with ss, for instance?
Well DH talked to him on the
Well DH talked to him on the phone and texted him. Thd dad left because BM told him she would stay with SS. No, no witnesses. I told him he had to record EVER interaction with her. He didn't. Ughhhh!!
Then she has no proof either.
Then she has no proof either. I suggest you talk to your lawyer and, after explaining everything she does, ask what it takes to go after her for harassment. Your dh might request a mental health exam for her because some of this stuff is so way out there. He could say he fears for his children's safety with someone who is so unbalanced.
I have literally screamed
I have literally screamed this to his attorneys and they do nothing. I'm sick to death of it all.
There's never proof and these
There's never proof and these BM's don't need it. She is a psychopath who knows just how to get what she wants. We are never going to "win" DH needs to just give this lunatic what she wants. I ding know how else to handle this. Nobody will help us.
Did he get served?
Did he get served?
Her attorney sent it to ours.
Her attorney sent it to ours. Yes. Wait do you mean did DH get served or the other dad?
No, I meant DH.
No, I meant DH.
So, don't panic. None of this stuff is awful. Look at what justmakingthebest's BM did and they didn't win that. Contempt in family court is hard to prove. And it doesn't result in DH losing the kids.
That being said, I lived with this kind of stress and it's toxic. If DH can't take it, he needs to drop his petition against BM and muddle through until the kids are grown by setting better boundaries on her.
I know! I don't think anyone
I know! I don't think anyone could handle this amount of unrelenting psychological abuse. Not even the healthiest of healthy people. It's reeeeally bad.
Well, I think others might be
Well, I think others might be able to - you both seem to really take this hard. But even if others could, if you can't, then he needs to drop his court petition.
My DH handled this stuff way better than I did. He was bothered a lot by the the alienation of course, but the court stuff didn't bother him as much as it did me. In your case, you both take it hard.
Drop his lawsuit against her. If not, you have to find a way to cope better.
I agree. Yeah, he has been
I agree. Yeah, he has been abused by her for over a decade and her doing this has been hard. He's stuck. If we drop the lawsuit then we are in a bind financially because he's overpaying thousands in child support right now.
My DH had learned how to not
My DH had learned how to not take BM's nonsense personally and he knew she was wrong about him. He laughed at her stupid email manifestos where I would be freaking out. I hate conflict, he's not one to walk away from a fight.
Decide what is more important - money or sanity? For me, it's sanity. Less than 3 years until oldest SS ages out of CS, right?
Well we can't afford it so
Well we can't afford it so money has to be the priority otherwise we have to sell our house and move the kids. I mean how do we choose?? Ya know? Our sanity or our livelihood? That's not an easy choice. Was your husband abused by his ex? I mean this woman was severely SEVERELY abusuvr towards my husband.
Yes, psychologically he was.
Yes, psychologically he was. And she has beaten him down some. But he saw what it was and found ways to cope while in the marriage. So he didn't leave a broken person.
Maybe DH can get a second job that's under the table, something on the side.
If not, you guys have to get therapy. This is going to kill you. And I promise, Family Court has few teeth. All this stuff Sounds so scary, but no one wants to take your DH's kids from him.
If you do keep going, he has to get a better attorney. Take out a loan, whatever. Get a better one.
You and your DH need to step
You and your DH need to step back and relax. I know this is difficult when you are in the moment, but you are giving this way too much head space. The simple truth of the matter is this is the way the court game is played. Accusations, counter-claims, contempt charges. Most of it means nothing but more money poured into the custody suit. You need to do your best to not let it consume you. (As BM's goal was to remain relevant - I refused to give her the satisfation). Deal with the present issue and move on.
Do not worry about the contempt charges. Hell, look at justmakingthebest's blogs. Her BM FORGED a helth dept. letter and still wasn't found in comtempt.
Telling the kids wasn't a great idea, but parents say far worse everyday. It happens. She's mad, so what.
Live your life and follow the court order. If you agonize over every decision and how BM will react, you will drive yourself crazy and probably ruin your relationship in the process.
Thank you. I have never been
Thank you. I have never been in a court room and neither has DH so yes, this is pretty nerve wracking to us. We have no idea what to expect but all we read is that the courts always side with the moms and if dad does one tiny thing wrong he is screwed so yeah, it's scary to us. We try really hard to be the best we can be but it seems like it's never good enough. I drop the kid off at practice and that turns into I just left him alone at a ballfield. Omg. She twists evvvvvvverything! The kids think we are just awful monsters. Like.... why keep fighting?
Yes, they are mother biased,
Yes, they are mother biased, but they won't take DH's kids away. I agree with simifan - it won't be as bad as it seems. No one is going to jail or losing kids. This is how family court goes, sadly.
Thank you. Both your messages
Thank you. Both your messages help. It's very hard. It's like her and the kids are in this little world of thinking we are just the worst people ever and she loves pointing out every little flaw, everything she thinks we do wrong, every move we make, every breath we take but she is perfect, she does no wrong. She works, has friendships, she takes vacations, involved in everything the kids do ect... to the outside world she seems like a well put together healthy person that just keeps twisting everything we do but she seems credible!! It's literally crazy making. DH asked if he could grab the kids one time and take them for a picnic because it was a gorgeous sunny 75 degree day. She said "you are going to make our kids walk to the park in the pouring rain and tell them they can't get in your car? Just to have dinner with you? They said no thank you" like.....WHAT?? It's literally crazy.making!
Remember, attorneys deal with
Remember, attorneys deal with this all the time. If anything, they usually just say, "both of you need to figure out how to get along", but they don't usually buy into the HCBM crap. They see what she's doing, but they don't know how to handle it, is the problem.
Is this a thing where if BM gets more time with them, she can get more CS?
Family Court is really just high-drama with no real consquences for anyone (other than alienated kids, of course).
Your husband is paying way
Your husband is paying way more than state standard CS, right? I always thought CS could be revisited, especially if there was a change of circumstances, such as you have had with BM earning significantly more. Can't your DH just focus on that and getting OFW ordered, and ignore all of BM's antics?
Yep. We have been waiting for
Yep. We have been waiting for a court date to do jjust that.
You've waited 1 year to get a
You've waited 1 year to get a CS review? That seems impossible. Are you sure you're attorney isn't just stringing you along? CS is a simple process and definitely doesn't take a year to get a court date for. I would be demanding to see that paperwork showing that the case was filed and demanding an update on a scheduled hearing date. Also, you know that you will be paying back dated CS to the date you filed depending on what the outcome of that is right?
My DH filed for court in Sept 2019. The case wasn't settled until July 2020. CS went up by $150 per month after all was settled. Even though DH paid his originally ordered CS that whole time, DH owed the extra $150 per month all the way back to Sept 2019, so we owed BM approximately $1800 at the end of our court battle. Just be aware of that.
Yeah there's no way. BM was
Yeah there's no way. BM was making zero when they originally signed the agreement. She's making 6 figures now. But, she still wants him to pay what he was paying when she made zero. Lunatic!
Yes, courts were already backed up and we were looking at a year wait. We are going for more than just CS adjustment
Can't your DH just go for CS
Can't your DH just go for CS reduction/financial stuff and leave everything else alone? You are going to be going through this forever trying to fight BM and you will likely get nowhere. You already have joint physical and legal, so it's not like you are going to gain anything else.
Agreed but now she wants sole
Agreed but now she wants sole legal and physical since we had her served. She is soooooo mad that DH started a lawsuit. They are going to mediation. We will see what happens. I'm sure she's going to realize how awful she has been and be totally reasonable. lol
A judge isn't going to grant
A judge isn't going to grant her sole legal and physical if 50/50 has been the norm up until this point. That is a fact. I would work to sort out the financial piece and be done with it.
Right. Which is exactly why
Right. Which is exactly why she is trying everything she possibly can to get the kids. Accusations, lies, brainwashing the kids. It's repulsive.
Stick with the facts, inform the Skids of them regularly....
DH's pays his CS and the two of you decide if you are going to win this thing or just pay it to go away by disengaging until they Skids age out from under the Custody/Visitation/Support order.
Even if you choose to disengage, the Skids should still have their noses rubbed in the facts of BM's infidelity, destroying the initial family, and none of BM's manipulative crap should be ignored.
The Skids may not choose to absorb the facts, but.... the facts will be strewing in their brains and eventually clarity may erupt as their maturing perspectives start to give them clarity on what a manipulative POS their mother is.
Regardless of the outcome, you and DH will have done what can be done and can get on to your lives together with a clear collective conscience.
IMHO of course.
For sure I would immediatley slap her with a contempt motion for harrassment from both you and DH, have your attornies send her a cease and desist order for each of you, and nail her toxic ass with an RO/PO for each of you with the intent to put her in a no contact box except through OFW.
Thank you. She never contacts
Thank you. She never contacts me though. Can I claim harassment because she said some stuff about me?
I have no idea.
Call your lawyer.
Anything that you can throw at the wall that has any chance of sticking, I would throw it. This whack job has to be shut down.
Their lawyer is a kiss ass...
Their lawyer is a kiss ass who wants them to be flexible with BM. They need to fire him and get a shark attorney. This attorney wants them to play nice.
No one said the an attorney
No one said the an attorney could not be a dumb ass.
smh
Honestly, I'm just catching
Honestly, I'm just catching up on your story and I do not think I could cope with all of this drama and toxicity. If I was your DH, I'd be close to dropping the rope. If I was you, .... I'm scared to say that I do not think I would be around all this.
Oh believe me. I know!!! But,
Oh believe me. I know!!! But, our family is very close. Me, DH and my girls. Even my girls dad. We are not going to give BM the satisfaction of breaking us. We work with a phenomenal family therapist who helps keep us in check. Our marriage is strong. Like really strong. Not perfect but we are a team. I shield my kids from all of this garbage for the most part. We have a very happy and healthy family when we are all together snd DH and I will not let this destroy us. But, yes. She is an absolute monster!