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Do I have the right to be irritated??

alwaysthemom's picture

Things seem to be looking up compared to my last blog. But one question I have. DH works nights and is home during the day. BM waits til he goes to work to call him. I have told him this bothers me that she does this because she knows I'm not around and he answers her call during working hours. I limit the times I call him myself. I feel as though everything we have gone through the last month was a waste of time. Because he pacified me at the time I was angry about BM not taking kids on her time but both of them expecting me to. Maybe this is her way of saying screw you I'm still going to control DH and I can say what I want to say as long as you're not around and he'll abide. Does that make any sense???

Comments

MamaTracy's picture

I had the same problem in the beginning. I had many discussions with my now husband about it. I let him know that it bothered me and the fact that his exwife liked to lie a lot. He finally understood where I was coming from and let her know that she is not to call him at work. Only to call him at home at night. She now knows that anything she says to him I know about it immediately. You just have to stick to your guns on this one. What I did was tell him how would he feel if the tables were reversed and it was my ex calling me all the time with no respect for him. That made him understand better. Good luck.

laurels4u's picture

I deal with this, too, from DH's ex and his controlling, bullying mother. I find it disrespectful to me, and I clearly think it shows their conniving, manipulating ways that they aren't woman enough to call their DH/son at home in front of me. What makes this worse is, I NEVER say anything to either woman nor do I stand beside DH hanging on every word that is exchanged or interjecting my opinion. They only call when they think they're going to screw over DH for visitation: As a matter of fact, I'd be more than happy to help them out with their demands of wanting Precious more!

My DH started a new job and since BB doesn't know where to find DH now, she still calls his old place of employment and still sends him mail there! WTF is that? Can you believe the gall of some of these women?

I do believe you are dealing with the same mentality I am and if you find the answer, please let me know.

sparky's picture

If I were you I would just be happy you don't have to deal with her. She can control H if he chooses to allow that, but neither of them can control you.

Anne Summers's picture

At some point in time your DH is going to have to lay down the law on certain issues---including communication. My DH had to lay down the communication rules right we got together. Mainly b/c BM lies constantly and was going into court lying about what BM or DH did or didn't say. Written communication only resolves this issue completely.

Currently, DH has requested that the only time BM call him personally is in an emergency---such as SD in hospital, which BM doesn't call him even when things like this happen. DH has repeatedly requested this plus only email or regular mail communication---no in person communication or phone calls to him personally. The only time DH said BM could call (other than emergency) was to speak directly to SD. BM has started not to abide by these rules and calling DH's cell phone about issues---thus today DH changed his cell telephone number. We plan on getting SD her own personal cell phone for use only for communication between BM & SD while SD is at our home. This will resolve the issue of BM calling DH---BM does not have our home number, his cell number or his work number.

Personally, neither of us think she should have this information. BM would only abuse it.

alwaysthemom's picture

my demands(as he puts it are irrational). That I shouldn't read so much into those things. But he will not call her or allow her to call unless I'm around and he expects the same with me with my ex. Which I do anyway, so no problem there. I guess that's just his way of lashing back at me.

My kids biggest cheerleader