SS13
Wow!!! He immasculated HB on facebook for all the world to see. Just because he got in trouble for running off after school with a friend(did not ask) HB is hurt. SS13 is grounded because of what happened. Beforehand he didn't want to go to BM house this weekend but since he messed up he went and then talked trash about HB on FB when at BM's living quarters(her mom and dads))he was grounded from all electronics at our house). Dear BM basically threw gas on that fire. SS13 ran the streets for two days by himself.(GPS his phone) What the heck is going on? PAS on BM part I think. Basically your dad is a POS for caring and I'll let you do what you want. I'm so aggrevated. BM is nothing but a toy to SS13. He plays her like a fiddle.
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That sounds exactly like DH's
That sounds exactly like DH's ex. She constantly undermines our authority. While visiting for one of the 3-4 times a year, she decided she would make SS14 at the time a myspace page and keep it from us. I know it was not running the road but this is only because she doesn't take the kids to her house now. I think that is only because her family refuses to send any more food and money.
We weren't expecting BM to
We weren't expecting BM to ground him. She just allows him to do whatever he wants on her weekends. Found some texts on his phone(from last weekend) that were disturbing. Some kid he knows over there was asking him if he wanted some cocaine. OMG!!! How can you not worry about what goes on over there? Maybe I'm over protective but I monitor internet stuff, phone stuff and who they hang out with. We have not confronted him yet. Any advice? I know he's going to say Oh it's just a joke. But do we really know that? ARRRGGHH!! I know no one can control everything their kid does when they are out and about.
I'm seeing this type of thing
I'm seeing this type of thing happen in our households too, but my SS is only 3! He gets consequences at our house and cries for Mommy because she doesn't give him any. He has her wrapped around his tiny finger and she lets him....she's admitted in the past that "I'm just a slave for him!" Barf. The thing that really sucks is taking on the role of the bad guy...which you and your H have become to him.
In this case I really don't know if I have any advice as I'm not dealing with a 13 year old. However, I have coached and taught this age and I think your household needs to stay as consistent as possible. Stick to your visitation schedule as well. Would it work to let BM in on making consequences for his behaviors? Could DH call her to discuss a mutual punishment for things? I'm wondering if that might help because she will feel "included" then and possibly more likely to uphold her side of it? Does he play sports or is he getting into trouble at school? This could help you out if his trouble-making is becoming an issue at school. Many coaches will start benching athletes if they are misbehaving in the classroom, or you and your H could discuss things with his teachers/principals as well and get some suggestions. Also, if you are dealing with possible drugs, getting the school involved will keep him more in line also. I feel like many parents forget that the role of the school counselor is not just to schedule classes...they are supposed to be used as a resource for you and your child as well! Call yours and find out what they suggest.
As far as Facebook goes, try to get H to see that he really can't control that if it's happening outside of your house. Back before FB kids would say those same things to all their friends anyway (I know I complained to my friends about my parents' rules!)...it's just now out there in "print" which means you can't be blissfully ignorant to it as a parent anymore! Try to brush it off unless it's something very inappropriate. It seems like if he knows you can see his FB he might be trying to get a reaction out of you this way.
My hope, in my situation and yours, is that "someday" the kid will see that it really was you that cared about him, were more responsible, etc. I'd suggest looking into some community family/parenting classes too in your area. Use every resource you can to learn more about how to keep your kids rather than push them away at such a testy time in their life. I think that's my fear and I'm sure it's yours too...you don't want to push them away (and possibly toward a more destructive path).
Love it!
Love it!
Oh gosh I'm glad we don't
Oh gosh I'm glad we don't deal with it to the extreme you do...but it probably helps that my fiance is not at all a softy when it comes to that because he HATES when his son says that stuff. BM just gets them a babysitter or puts him to bed if he's being bad so really time out shouldn't be that terrible for him compared to going to mom's! We just know that he's testing us and trying to learn which parents he can play...it's natural. So we just don't let him play us at all. Fiancee even says to SS sometimes, "Oh you want to go to Mom's so you can just go to bed for not listening and following directions?" Then SS thinks about it for a minute and pouts and says "no..."
@Steppingup-DH has tried
@Steppingup-DH has tried including BM in whatever is going on. She just would rather be the "good guy." SS13 had is phone taken away, BM was told why, she went out and bought him a phone(on her weekend)then she allowed SS13 to bring it home. He sneaked it into the house and I found it. DH called BM and said you need to come get your phone. It's always like that. I guess it's called guilt parenting or maybe BM just wants DH to look bad compared to her.
Yes...it sounds like she's
Yes...it sounds like she's just playing the game so that she will be the "favorite" parent. I can't stand immature people like that. Because it's the END OF THE WORLD if your kids like another adult besides you? Come on!!!!!!!!!
Such INSECURE people.