Starting to feel better
I posted a blog yesterday as i left my husband and was miserable but today i feel a little better and some of my anger and hurt is starting to lift. I still feel like i want my husband back but i also feel like i am strong enough to make some rules.
The final straw when i left was he blatantly told me he will have his kids and do whatever they want whenever they want cos they are his kids i need to just get over it. My problem was that he kept forgetting that when he said he was having his kids and BM said come get your kids it was actually me that was doing the lot. Anyway the other day he asked me to take his kids to school (once again it was not his allocated day) and i said yes ok, seeing as i had to go to work via the school anyway. Turned out i ended up getting the day off work so i didn't particularly feeling like making a special trip to take his kids to school plus we had been having the argument constantly about that he needs to sort his own shit out with BM if he choses to have his kids...NOT ME. So i said in a polite manner "look tommorrow i am not going in that direction now" Well i copped a fucking mouthful of abuse. They were the only words i said to him. I was asked why i was being a fucking bitch blah blah blah, plus i have the day off anyway so why i couldnt i just take them to school, mind you he told me i had them in the afternoon too, so therefore i would have had to pick them up as well. Another convenient fact he excluded, he just assumed i would do it.
Well after that episode i finally left. We are going to councelling next week, i felt like shit yesterday and wanted my marriage to work. I also realise today that i will be damned if i am going to be spoken to like that again, he has spoken to me like shit for a long time and i am over it.
He tells me the kids are "his" kids when i dont want them to be my kids i just expect a little bit of respect. I am an excluded outsider in my own home. I have no say. We have a baby together so that is hard and i have my own son12 who he choses to have nothing to do with and that upsets me too.
The only thing is how do i get him to take care of his own children and his own responsiblities and when he makes his own plans with BM not to expect others to do it for him when he just calls his mother instead of me!!! She just does it all for him instead.
I have said to him that his kids are not his mothers responsibilty either and he said "who the fuck am i to say that". Nice huh!!
I think his mother created a fucking monster. He needs help and so do i so councelling will be good he has the worst temper but i love him because he actually can be a very good man, but if i go back it is on my terms.