DH makes all decisions with skids and just expects me to be ok
OK, its been a while since i have been on here and i can't seem to find anything on google to see if anyone can relate to what i am dealing with.
Last october SM was behaving like a 17 year old on heat (she became pregnant yet again during this time) so DH decided to take it upon himself to take SD 12 and SS14 into his care, ooops i am sorry that would actually mean MY care. I was 37 weeks pregnant at the time and barely able to walk. I was devastated. we already had a 2 year old and 50/50 of my son 13. I had just gone on maternity leave and was so looking forward to the last few weeks of peace, even writing this now is upsetting me. My husband works from 5am til 7pm at night (family business) so who was supposed to look after these kids????? Did he ask me? Did he consult me in anyway??? NO NO NO 4 kids and 37 weeks pregnant with school runs, dinner washing lunches is fucking so hard and then to do it all with a newborn is a nightmare.
I feel i have every right to have been a part of this decision and my husband has pretty much told me "I have always wanted my kids to live with me, deal with it" yet he isn't even home he works all the time or his is fishing or doing something vitally important for someone else. I am so so so full of anger and resentment , my husband has been abusive in the past but yet i stick it out because i feel that maybe my life as a step mother is supposed to be this way but then i think of every other decision he has made regarding his kids that should have involved me but he does behind my back with his mother. when i protest he yells at me that " they are HIS kids and he will do whatever he wants "Yet i am still expected to do everything in the house. I mean EVERYTHING
Now we have the kids 50/50 and SM still gets CS however DH went behind my back yet again and forked out $1000 for a camp for DD12 because SM has another new baby to yet another man and can't afford anything but DH was in his rights to take her 50% out of her child support installments but he refused, once again he wanted to do something nice for his daughter and it is "none of my business"
My way of thinking now is FUCK you DH and fuck your kids. If for 6 years i am responsible for all of their schooling food cleaning driving, well put it this way, EVERYTHING and yet they are still none of my business then i QUIT. I get angry because i have to pick up their shit everyday, and because i am angry about it my husband abuses me. Hubby takes days off work to take his kids fishing and they leave 4 loads of washing in the laundry for me to clean, and yet i get yelled at because i am pissed about it. He won't even take days off work to come to marriage counselling, I go alone.
This is the story of my life, I am so sad i don't know what to do with myself, but i don't want to be a failure, i wanted a family for my 2 little ones we have together but i don't think i can stick it out. Or is this all just normal for all Step-Mums???? Do we all deal with this??
Over the past couple of years my husband has made many choices in regards to skids that should most definitely include me. He has spent big money $1000 on SD12 for certain school things, which is fine however SM is responsible for 50% of school costs as we have 50/50 care
- alwaysme's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Yes i think that is why i
Yes i think that is why i have stuck it out for so long, he is a good father, to his none full time kids just a terrible horrible husband.
Thankyou BC1983 for your comment
this is total bullshit
this is total bullshit because abuse is NEVER ok! you mean physical abuse right? there is no reason anyone should stay in an abusive relationship... ever... not even for the kids! sounds like he doesn't respect you. just because he is a good dad to the kids doesn't mean you should stay with him. he can take time off for the kids, but not counseling? doesn't that show you how little he cares about you?
after he abuses you does he say sorry, he'll never do it again, please forgive me? then it happens again? you should Google abuse in relationships and look at the abuse cycle...i think you're going to be able to relate to it very much.
Ditto what is said above. And
Ditto what is said above. And something else to think about. Your kids and s/kids see the way he treats you and this is their normal. Trainwreck of a mother and an abusive father. Is this the family model for your children? A 'family' is not always mummy and daddy. It is a supportive functioning group of people related to one another by marriage or birth.
I would start working on an exit plan. It can be a year away of a month away. Just don't say a word to anyone in your Real Life or it will get back to him. Post here for support and ideas.
Read my blog, I have been
Read my blog, I have been dealing with alot of the same things. SD14 just moved in with us a little over a month ago. I was pretty much the last person to know and it's been a roller coaster ride ever since. Her BM is a waste of space and of course pays no CS and DH says it's not even worth trying to get anything out of her because she doesn't work, blah blah blah. Then last week, DH mentions to me that he was talking to SS13 and told him that he should move in with us as well. WTF? Why is he making these plans and promises without talking to me first? Then when I tell him that if that happens that SS13 BM better plan on paying something in support, DH says no, he wouldn't bother with her either. WTF?#$@#%^%$&U% I have decided since then that if DH pursues this and SS13 does come and live with us and DH does not get CS from BM2 that I am gone. I am so full of resentment already, that will be the icing on the cake and I can't do it. I work full-time, send OUR BS2 to daycare, pay for pretty much EVERYTHING for BS2, which is fine, I am his mother.. but for me to do all this so I can help support two children who I have ZERO emotional attachment to, whose mothers are both losers skanks... NOT.MY.FAULT. and I just can't do it.
It will be either I leave with BS2, or we will have to seperate our finances so that I can be certain that not a penny of my money is going to skids/BMs and I'm not even sure I'm quite good with that either. It sucks!
I feel your pain, that is my
I feel your pain, that is my life DH will never have an argument over CS with SM but will argue with me all the time. He tells me its just the way it is Fucking deal with it, I will do whatever i want when it comes to my kids. He would rather say yes to her and no to me.
I also figured that when he brought the kids here full time i knew i wouldn't stick it out, so damn disrespectful.
You know what else he said to me yesterday because he works and i am still on leave with all these kids that i should be "getting off my ass to make his life easier"
Fuck That
Our therapist has said the
Our therapist has said the way he speaks to me is wrong and his laying a hand on me is wrong but then she goes on to commend him that he is a good father, after that thats all he hears. So he continues to do everything that he wants.
Alwaysme, you deserve better,
Alwaysme, you deserve better, and so do your children. You sound like you're just about to that tipping point--hold onto your anger. Blow on it until it flares up and you can storm out of that house with your kids and never ever go back. Neither you nor your kids need this man in order to be a family. I left my ex when my son was 2--it was hard and it was terrifying, but my life improved exponentially and it just keeps getting better. I started by getting a separate checking account and having my paycheck direct deposited into it instead of the joint account. This was months before I even knew I was planning on leaving. The ex was livid, but I just held my ground and told him that since he constantly drained the account while sitting at the bar every damn night, I had to have some money that I could pay bills with. A few months later I packed our bags and whenever he stumbled in, we weren't there. With an abusive husband, you may not have alot of time to make plans. If this is the case, just get out and find help wherever you have to. If you don't have family or friends that you can trust to keep you all safe and away from him, go to a shelter. They will help you get on your own feet and take care of YOUR family.
You hang in there. You're strong and you're amazing-- you can do this. I'm praying for you!!
once a wife beater always a
once a wife beater always a wife beater! I've been in a physically abusive relationship... and HE NEVER CHANGED! no matter how many times he says sorry, or how long it is between incidents it WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. You don't want your kids growing up like this, it will change who they were forever! if you have a boy he will grow up treating women like this, if you have a daughter she will grow up being treated like this. PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO YOUR KIDS! The world doesn't need any more messed up kids, there's already enough.
That being said, i know how hard it is to get out, how scary it is, how much begging he will do or threatening. please feel free to friend me and message me if you'd like to talk more.